5个英语小笑话!要中文!越短越好! 英语小笑话，越短越好，带翻译
\u6709\u54ea\u4e9b\u82f1\u8bed\u5c0f\u7b11\u8bdd\uff1f\u7ed9\u6211\u6765\u5341\u4e2a\uff08\u8d8a\u77ed\u8d8a\u597d\uff091\u3001\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e00\uff09
\u8001\u5e08\u5728\u9ed1\u677f\u4e0a\u5199\u4e86\u4e00\u53e5\uff1aTime is money.\u5e76\u8ba9\u540c\u5b66\u4eec\u7ffb\u8bd1\u3002\u6709\u540d\u5b66\u751f\u7b54\u9053\uff1a\u201c\u6c64\u59c6\u662f\u739b\u4e3d\u3002\u201d
\u5c0f\u660e\u4e0a\u82f1\u6587\u8bfe\u65f6\u8ddf\u8001\u5e08\u8bf4\uff1aMay I go to the toilet?
\u8001\u5e08\u8bf4\uff1aGo ahead.
\u5c0f\u660e\u5c31\u5750\u4e86\u4e0b\u6765\u3002\u8fc7\u4e86\u4e00\u4f1a\u513f\uff0c\u5c0f\u660e\u53c8\u8ddf\u8001\u5e08\u8bf4\uff1aMay I go to the toilet?
\u8001\u5e08\u8bf4\uff1aGo ahead.
\u5c0f\u660e\u53c8\u5750\u4e86\u4e0b\u6765\u3002\u4ed6\u65c1\u8fb9\u7684\u540c\u5b66\u4e8e\u662f\u5fcd\u4e0d\u4f4f\u95ee\uff1a\u4f60\u4e0d\u662f\u8ddf\u8001\u5e08\u8bf4\u8981\u4e0a\u5395\u6240\u5417\uff1f\u600e\u4e48\u4e0d\u53bb\uff1f
\u5c0f\u660e\u8bf4\uff1a\u4f60\u6ca1\u542c\u8001\u5e08\u8bf4\u300c\u53bb\u4f60\u4e2a\u5934\u300d\u554a\uff01
2\u3001\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e8c\uff09
\u67d0\u65e5\u5218\u6d2a\u6d9b\u9047\u5230\u5916\u5bbe\uff0c\u4e0a\u524d\u642d\u8bdd\u66f0\uff1aI am hong tao liu\uff0c\u5916\u5bbe\u66f0\uff1a\u6211TM\u8fd8\u662f\u65b9\u7247\u4e03\u5462\uff01
3\u3001\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e09\uff09
\u6c5f\u9752\u4f1a\u89c1\u5916\u5bbe\uff0c\u8981\u6c42\u7ffb\u8bd1\u8981\u4e25\u683c\u6309\u5979\u7684\u610f\u601d\u7ffb\uff0c\u4e0d\u8bb8\u8d70\u6837\u3002\u5916\u5bbe\u4e00\u89c1\u5230\u6c5f\u9752\uff0c\u7acb\u523b\u62cd\u9a6c\u5c41\u9053\uff1a"Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." \u7ffb\u8bd1\u7167\u7ffb\uff0c\u6c5f\u9752\u5fc3\u82b1\u6012 \u653e\uff0c\u5634\u4e0a\u8fd8\u8981\u8c26\u865a\u4e00\u4e0b\uff1a\u201c\u54ea\u91cc\uff0c\u54ea\u91cc\u201d\u3002
\u7ffb\u8bd1\u4e0d\u6562\u6020\u6162\uff0c\u628a\u6c5f\u9752\u7684\u8bdd\u7ffb\u6210\u82f1\u6587\uff1a"Where? Where?" \u5916\u5bbe\u4e00\u6123\uff0c\u8fd8\u6709\u8fd9\u6837\u7684\u4eba\uff0c\u8ffd\u95ee\u54ea\u91cc\u6f02\u4eae\u7684\uff0c\u5e72\u8106\u9a6c\u5c41\u62cd\u5230\u5e95\uff1a"Everywhere, everywhere."
\u7ffb\u8bd1\uff1a\u201c\u4f60\u5230\u5904\u90fd\u5f88\u6f02\u4eae\u3002\u201d\u6c5f\u9752\u66f4\u9ad8\u5174\u4e86\uff0c\u4f46\u603b\u662f\u8981\u5ba2\u6c14\u4e00\u4e0b\uff1a\u201c\u4e0d\u89c1\u5f97\uff0c\u4e0d\u89c1\u5f97\u201d\u3002\u7ffb\u8bd1\u8d76\u7d27\u7ffb\u6210\u82f1\u6587\uff1a"You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."
4\u3001\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u56db\uff09
\u8bdd\u8bf4\u67d0\u5e74\u67d0\u6708\u7684\u67d0\u4e00\u5929\uff0c\u53c1\u4e2a\u795e\u7bad\u624b\u7ea6\u5728\u4e00\u8d77\u6bd4\u7bad\uff0c\u76ee\u6807\u662f\u5341\u5c3a\u5916\u4ec6\u4eba\u5934\u4e0a\u7684\u82f9\u679c\u3002A\u795e\u7bad\u624b\u633d\u5f13\u957f\u5c04\uff0c\u54bb\u4e00\u58f0\uff0c\u5229\u7bad\u6b63\u4e2d\u82f9\u679c\u3002A\u9ad8\u50b2\u7684\u6602\u8d77\u4e0b\u5df4\uff0c\u6bd4\u51fa\u4e00\u6839\u5927 \u62c7\u6307\u9053\uff1a\u300cI AM\u540e\u7fbf\uff01\u300d
B\u795e\u7bad\u624b\u7167\u672c\u5ba3\u79d1\uff0c\u5c04\u4e2d\u82f9\u679c\uff0c\u8fd9\u56de\u4ed6\u81ea\u5927\u7684\u558a\u4e86\u4e00\u53e5\uff1a\u300cI AM\u4e18\u6bd4\u7279\uff01\u300d
\u8f6e\u5230C\u4e86\uff0c\u4ed6\u4e5f\u633d\u5f13\uff0c\u5229\u7bad\u5c04\u51fa\uff01 \u7ed3\u679c\u6b63\u4e2d\u4ec6\u4eba\u7684\u5fc3\u810f\u3002\u5c31\u542c\u4ed6\u7ed3\u7ed3\u5df4\u5df4\u597d\u4e45\u624d\u5410\u51fa\u4e00\u53e5\uff1a\u300cI...I...I...AM...SORRY...\u300d
5\u3001\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e94\uff09
\u67d0\u4eba\u523b\u82e6\u5b66\u4e60\u82f1\u8bed\uff0c\u7ec8\u6709\u5c0f\u6210\u3002\u4e00\u65e5\u4e0a\u8857\u4e0d\u614e\u4e0e\u4e00\u8001\u5916\u76f8\u649e\uff0c \u5fd9\u8bf4\uff1aI am sorry.
\u8001\u5916\u5e94\u9053\uff1aI am sorry too.
\u67d0\u4eba\u542c\u540e\u53c8\u9053\uff1aI am sorry three.
\u8001\u5916\u4e0d\u89e3\uff0c\u95ee\uff1aWhat are you sorry for?
\u67d0\u4eba\u65e0\u5948\uff0c\u9053\uff1aI am sorry five.
6\u3001\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u516d\uff09
\u4e00\u4f4d\u6765\u81ea\u65e5\u672c\u7684\u65c5\u5ba2\uff0c\u5750\u51fa\u79df\u8f66\u53bb\u673a\u573a\u7684\u8def\u4e0a\uff0c\u770b\u5230\u4e00\u8f86\u6c7d\u8f66\u7ecf\u8fc7\uff0c\u5c31\u8bf4\uff1a\u201coh\uff0cTOyOTA\uff01Made in Japan! It is very fast\uff01\u201d\u53c8\u6709\u4e00\u8f86\u7ecf\u8fc7\uff0c\u4ed6\u53c8\u8bf4\uff1a \u201coh\uff0cNISSAN\uff01Made in Japan! It is very fast\uff01\u201d\u53f8\u673a\u6709\u70b9\u4e0d\u9ad8\u5174\uff0c\u89c9\u5f97\u4ed6\u592a\u5435\u4e86\uff01\u5f53\u7b2c\u4e09\u8f86\u7ecf\u8fc7\u65f6\uff0c\u4ed6\u8fd8\u662f\u8bf4\uff1a\u201coh\uff0cHONDA\uff01Made in Japan! It is very fast\uff01\u201d
\u540e\u6765\u5230\u4e86\u673a\u573a\uff0c\u90a3\u4e2a\u65e5\u672c\u4eba\u5c31\u95ee\uff1a\u201cHow Much\uff1f\u201d\u51fa\u79df\u8f66\u53f8\u673a\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c1000\uff01\u201d
\u65e5\u672c\u4eba\u60ca\u5947\u7684\u95ee\u53f8\u673a\uff1a\u201c\u4e3a\u4ec0\u4e48\u90a3\u4e48\u8d35\uff1f\u201d\u51fa\u79df\u8f66\u53f8\u673a\u56de\u7b54\u8bf4\uff1a\u201coh\uff0cmileometer\uff08\u8ba1 \u7a0b\u8868\uff09\uff01Made in Japan! It is very fast\uff01\u201d
7\u3001\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e03\uff09
\u4f20\u8bf4\u514b\u6797\u987f\u548c\u6559\u7687\u540c\u4e00\u5929\u53bb\u4e16\uff0c\u4e0a\u5e1d\u641e\u9519\u4e86\uff0c\u628a\u514b\u6797\u987f\u9001\u4e0a\u4e86\u5929\u5802\uff0c\u800c\u628a\u6559\u7687\u9001\u5165\u4e86 \u5730\u72f1\u3002\u53d1\u73b0\u9519\u8bef\u540e\u4e0a\u5e1d\u9a6c\u4e0a\u6539\u4e86\u56de\u6765\uff0c\u8def\u4e0a\u4e8c\u4eba\u76f8\u9047\u3002 \u7cbe\u5f69\u7ee7\u7eed\u6559\u7687\uff1a\u611f\u8c22\u4e0a\u5e1d\uff0c\u6211\u7ec8\u4e8e\u80fd\u89c1\u5230\u5723\u6bcd\u739b\u5229\u4e9a\u4e86\uff08Virgin Maria\uff09. \u514b\u6797\u987f\uff08\u574f\u7b11\u4e2d\uff09\uff1aSorry\uff0cit"s too late.
8\u3001\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u516b\uff09
\u5c0f\u5f3a\u53bb\u770b\u7535\u5f71\uff0c\u5230\u4e86\u7535\u5f71\u552e\u7968\u5904\uff0c\u53d1\u73b0\u4e00\u4e2a\u8001\u5916\u548c\u552e\u7968\u5c0f\u59d0\u8fde\u8bf4\u5e26\u6bd4\u5f97\u597d\u534a\u5929\uff0c\u5c31\u81ea\u544a\u594b\u52c7\u7684\u4e0a\u524d\u505a\u7ffb\u8bd1\uff0c\u552e\u7968\u5c0f\u59d0\u8bf4\uff1a\u9ebb\u70e6\u4f60\u544a\u8bc9\u5979\uff0c\u73b0\u5728\u5750\u7968\u552e\u5b8c\u4e86\u53ea\u5269\u4e0b\u7ad9\u7968\uff0c\u5982\u679c\u8981\u770b\u8981\u7ad9\u7740\u770b\u3002
\u5c0f\u5f3a\u8f6c\u5934\u5c31\u5bf9\u8001\u5916\u8bf4\uff1ano sit see, stand see. if see stand see.
\u8001\u5916\u56de\u7b54\u8bf4:Sorry I don\u2019t understand your English.
\u5c0f\u5f3a\u5c31\u5bf9\u552e\u7968\u5c0f\u59d0\u8bf4\uff1a\u54e6\uff0c\u4ed6\u8bf4\u4ed6\u4e0d\u61c2\u82f1\u6587....
\u8e29\u4e86\u4e00\u4e2a\u8001\u5916\u7684\u811a\uff0c\u4e3a\u4e86\u663e\u793a\u54b1\u56fd\u5bb6\u662f\u6709\u540d\u7684\u793c\u4eea\u4e4b\u90a6\uff0c\u5c31\u5148SORRY\u5566\uff0c\u8001\u5916\u66f4\u662f\u793c\u8c8c\u6709\u52a0\uff0c\u5c31\u6765\u4e2asorry too.
two??the chinese puzzled.\u6069\uff0c\u54b1\u4e2d\u56fd\u4eba\u8fd8\u4e0d\u662f\u5f97\u793c\u5c1a\u5f80\u6765\uff1f\uff01~\u90a3\u5c31I am sorry three~ \u8fd9\u4e0b\u8001\u5916\u8499\u4e86\uff0c\u4e00\u53e5what are you sorry for?
\u6655\uff0c\u8fd8\u6709\u5b8c\u6ca1\u5b8c\u554a\uff0c\u8fd8FOUR\uff1f\uff01~\u54fc\uff0c\u5076\u8ddf\u4f60\u536f\u4e0a\u4e86\uff0cIam sorry five~(who\u6015 who\uff1f\uff01~\uff09
9\u3001\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e5d\uff09
\u6211\u670b\u53cb\u5728\u5357\u5927\u770b\u5230\u4e00\u975e\u6d32\u8001\u5916\uff1a\u201chello\uff0c\u4f60\u5988\u662f\u7334\u513f\u3002\u201d\u8001\u5916\u7528\u7eaf\u6b63\u7684\u5929\u6d25\u8bdd\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u4f60\u5988\u662f\u5927\u7329\u7329\uff01\u201d
10\u3001\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u5341\uff09
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
\u201c\u6211\u4eec\u6709\u6bd2\u5417\uff1f\u201d\u4e00\u4e2a\u5e74\u5e7c\u7684\u86c7\u95ee\u5b83\u7684\u6bcd\u4eb2\u3002\u201c\u662f\u7684\uff0c\u4eb2\u7231\u7684\uff0c\u201d\u5979\u56de\u7b54\u8bf4\uff0c\u201c\u4f60\u95ee\u8fd9\u4e2a\u5e72\u4ec0\u4e48\uff1f\u201d \u201c\u56e0\u4e3a\u6211\u521a\u521a\u54ac\u7834\u81ea\u5df1\u7684\u820c\u5934\u3002\u201d
1\u3001Goldfish\u91d1\u9c7c
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom \u3002
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold\uff08\u8499\u773c\u775b\uff09them!
\u65af\u4e39\uff1a\u6211\u8d62\u4e86 92 \u6761\u91d1\u9c7c\u3002
\u5f17\u96f7\u5fb7\uff1a\u4f60\u60f3\u5728\u54ea\u513f\u517b\u5b83\u4eec\uff1f
\u65af\u4e39\uff1a\u6d74\u5ba4\u3002
\u5f17\u96f7\u5fb7\uff1a\u4f46\u662f\u4f60\u60f3\u6d17\u6fa1\u65f6\u600e\u4e48\u529e\uff1f
\u65af\u4e39\uff1a\u8499\u4f4f\u5b83\u4eec\u7684\u773c\u775b\uff01
2\u3001 The Revenge \u6b3a\u9a97\u7684\u4ee3\u4ef7
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With alow voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmerJones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson:"But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jonesonce cheated me in a horse deal!"
\u8001\u519c\u7ea6\u7ff0\u900a\u5c31\u8981\u6b7b\u4e86\u3002\u4ed6\u7684\u5bb6\u4eba\u90fd\u7ad9\u5728\u5e8a\u8fb9\u3002\u4ed6\u58f0\u97f3\u4f4e\u6c89\u5730\u5bf9\u59bb\u5b50\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u6211\u6b7b\u540e\uff0c\u6211\u60f3\u4f60\u5ac1\u7ed9\u519c\u592b\u743c\u65af\u3002\u201d \u59bb\u5b50\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u4e0d\uff0c\u5728\u4f60\u6b7b\u540e\uff0c\u6211\u4e0d\u80fd\u5ac1\u7ed9\u4efb\u4f55\u4eba\u3002\u201d \u7ea6\u7ff0\u900a\uff1a\u201c\u4f46\u6211\u5e0c\u671b\u4f60\u8fd9\u4e48\u505a\u3002\u201d \u59bb\u5b50\uff1a\u201c\u4e3a\u4ec0\u4e48\uff1f\u201d \u7ea6\u7ff0\u900a\uff1a\u201c\u56e0\u4e3a\u743c\u65af\u66fe\u5728\u4e00\u7b14\u8d29\u9a6c\u7684\u4ea4\u6613\u4e2d\u6b3a\u9a97\u4e86\u6211\u3002\u201d
3\u3001I think that I'm a chicken \u6211\u60f3\u6211\u662f\u4e00\u53ea\u9e21
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
\u7cbe\u795e\u75c5\u533b\u5e08\uff1a\u4f60\u54ea\u91cc\u4e0d\u8212\u670d\uff1f
\u75c5\u4eba\uff1a\u6211\u8ba4\u4e3a\u6211\u662f\u4e00\u53ea\u9e21\u3002
\u7cbe\u795e\u75c5\u533b\u5e08\uff1a\u8fd9\u79cd\u60c5\u51b5\u4ece\u4ec0\u4e48\u65f6\u5019\u5f00\u59cb\u7684\uff1f
\u75c5\u4eba\uff1a\u4ece\u6211\u8fd8\u662f\u4e00\u53ea\u86cb\u7684\u65f6\u5019\u5f00\u59cb\u3002
4\u3001How do I get the gum out\u6211\u600e\u4e48\u628a\u53e3\u9999\u7cd6\u53d6\u51fa\u6765
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum outfrom my ears?"
\u5f53\u7a7a\u4e2d\u5c0f\u59d0\u7ed9\u4e58\u5ba2\u4eec\u53d1\u53e3\u9999\u7cd6\u7684\u65f6\u5019\uff0c\u5979\u89e3\u91ca\u8bf4\u53e3\u9999\u7cd6\u6709\u52a9\u4e8e\u4ed6\u4eec\u9632\u6b62\u8033\u9e23\u3002\u98de\u673a\u7740\u9646\u540e\uff0c\u4e00\u4f4d\u4e58\u5ba2\u8dd1\u5230\u8fd9\u4f4d\u7a7a\u4e2d\u5c0f\u59d0\u9762\u524d\uff0c\u8bf4\u9053\uff1a\u201c \u6211\u9a6c\u4e0a\u5c31\u8981\u89c1\u5230\u6211\u59bb\u5b50\u4e86\u3002\u6211\u600e\u4e48\u624d\u80fd\u628a\u53e3\u9999\u7cd6\u4ece\u8033\u6735\u91cc\u9762\u53d6\u51fa\u6765\u5462\uff1f\u201d
5\u3001 Where Am I \u6211\u5728\u54ea\u513f
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
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6\u3001Chiefis at the wedding \u957f\u5b98\u5728\u5a5a\u793c\u4e0a
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you injail until the chief gets back."
"But ,officer, I \u2026."
"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a goodmood when he gets back."
"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm thegroom."
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7\u3001Who Is the Laziest \u8c01\u6700\u61d2
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
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8\u3001TwoBirds \u4e24\u53ea\u9e1f
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now whocan tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside theswallow.
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Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
1）The poor husband可怜的丈夫
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong. “你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”
2）I Wasn't Asleep我没有睡着
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!” "I wasn't asleep," the man answered.“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。 "Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?” "I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”
3）Who's More Polite?谁更有礼貌? A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。
4） 太黑了 看不见
After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."
晚饭后，父亲和母亲都忙着和客人玩麻将，这时母亲忽然想起点儿事来，便对正在看电视的儿子说道：“宝贝，去看看厨房里的灯是不是还开着呢？” 过了一会儿，儿子回来说：“妈，厨房里太黑了，我根本就看不见。”
5）幸运的话
Q:Do you think I’ll lose my looks as I get older?
A:Yes if you’re lucky.
问：你觉得我老的时候会失去现在的容貌吗？
答：如果你幸运的话，可以的。
哎，不许make a good吧什么的吧，跟他们lab similar bacon给吃饱卖给你们的his if ghost mini分之2you even ness。
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