那位能给小弟曹云金刘云天相声《大保镖》的台词？十分感谢！ 那位能给小弟曹云金刘云天相声《黄鹤楼》的台词？十分感谢
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\u4e59 \u600e\u4e48\uff1f
\u7532 \u8fd9\u8bdd\u60a8\u4e0d\u5927\u4fe1\u4e0d\u662f\uff01
\u4e59 \u5bf9\u5566\uff01\u6709\u70b9\u513f\u4e0d\u4fe1\u3002
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\u4e59 \u600e\u4e48\uff1f
\u7532 \u4ed6\u7684\u4e3b\u4eba\u4e0d\u662f\u89c1\u4e86\u4eba\u975e\u5e38\u5ba2\u6c14\u5417\uff1f
\u4e59 \u554a\uff01
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\u7532 \u8c01\u53c8\u8bf4\u4ed6\u8bb2\u7406\u5462\uff1f
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\u4e59 \u4ec0\u4e48\u75c5\u554a\uff1f
\u7532 \u5c31\u662f\u5077\u54c7\uff01
\u4e59 \u597d\u5fb7\u884c\uff0c\u8fd8\u6ca1\u6539\uff01
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\u7532 \u4f60\u77a7\uff01\u8dd1\u4e0d\u4e86\u8fd8\u7b97\u80fd\u8010\uff01
\u4e59 \u597d\u5fb7\u884c\u3002
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\u4e59 \u5bf9\u5566\uff01
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\u4e59 \u5bf9\u5bf9\uff01
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\u4e59 \u90a3\u60a8\u4e0a\u620f\u9986\u542c\u53bb\u5427\uff01
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\u7532 \u60a8\u4e0d\u77e5\u9053\uff1f
\u4e59 \u5bf9\u5566\uff0c\u4e0d\u77e5\u9053\u3002
\u7532 \u6211\u662f\u5bcc\u8fde\u6210\u5934\u79d1\u7684\u5b66\u751f\uff1f
\u4e59 \u5662\uff01\u60a8\u662f\u5bcc\u8fde\u6210\u7684\u5b66\u751f\uff1f
\u7532 \u5bf9\u554a\uff01
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\u7532 \u4e3a\u7684\u662f\u65b0\u9c9c\u3002
\u4e59 \u597d\u65b0\u9c9c\uff01
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\u4e59 \u53ef\u4e0d\u3002
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\u4e59 \u600e\u4e48\u8d8a\u6765\u503c\u5f97\u8d8a\u5c11\uff1f
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\u4e59 \u554a\uff01
\u7532 \u4ed6\u5e76\u6ca1\u6709\u767b\u8fc7\u53f0\uff0c\u8fd9\u662f\u5927\u59d1\u5a18\u5750\u8f7f\u5b50\u3002
\u4e59 \u6b64\u8bdd\u600e\u4e48\u8bb2\uff1f
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刘：老词
曹：今天我们俩给大家表演
刘：对。
曹：（指刘谦）也是小兄弟。
刘：没有没有。您还没问岁数。
曹：你漱口了吗？你几个大节？
刘：您会说人话马？
曹：不是`````你多大什么来着？
刘：岁数。
曹：对，你多大罪过？
刘：要判啊。
曹：多大罪````岁```罪````岁数，多大岁数？
刘：我37
曹：小兄弟！
刘：您多大？
曹：我32
刘：拿起嘴来就说！我岁数大，您是兄弟。
曹：不能！我大，你是兄弟
刘：大伙都听见了，您32我37，我哥哥您兄弟，这还有错没有？
曹：你不识数！不信咱们数。
刘：这还怎么数？
曹：我32你37，啊。30，31，32，有我了；33，34，35，36，37，这才有的你，我兄弟。
刘：噢``````照您这么说，先有的你，后有的你爸爸？
曹：（转过身看着刘谦）讨厌，讨厌！
刘：这部您说的吗，刚生出来小孩比谁都大？
曹：你看这脸，长得跟包子似的。
刘：您先别说我这脸。
曹：不许欺负我！好在我脾气好，要碰上我们同行那急脾气，“咔”一下你就完了。
刘：您这行人怎么都这么大脾气？您干什么的？
曹：我？（耷拉着肩膀）我是练家子，练武术的。（捂着脸乐）哪说理去？我是练武术的！
刘：这练武术的怎么都嬉皮笑脸哪！
曹：我们家就是干这个的，我爸爸就是练武术的，你一打听江湖上没有不知道的。
刘：叫什么？
曹：草上飞！
刘：你爸爸飞贼？
曹：你爸爸刺猬！
刘？：不是，怎么起这名字？
曹：他轻功好嘛！就这二楼，一个跟头就上去；从这边到那边，一片腿就过去。没有拦得住他的门，没有挡得住他的锁！
刘：还是贼呀！锁都上来了。
曹：贼干嘛？本职工作开锁嘛。就银行那保险柜，我爸爸弄根芹菜就捅开了。
刘：霍！
曹：每天早晨起来，耗腿，坚持30分钟（把脚尖翘起来）。练了30年，你说了得吗！
刘：这我也会，这叫耗腿呀？！
曹：说这意思吧。虽然我父亲这么大能耐，但是我们哥俩想学武术，我爸爸不能教，得送外边学去
刘：这为什么亚？
曹：自己孩子下不去手啊。每天早晨起来好腿，你忍心吗？
刘：这也什么不忍心的（翘脚尖)搁到这有什么不忍心的？
曹：跟你这外行说不清楚！这跟你们说相声的一样：比如我是说相声的，（拽刘谦）我儿子也想学相声
刘：往那边比划！
曹：我父亲几经辗转，终刘找到了我的老恩师
刘：还挺尊敬
曹：得道的高僧，世外的高人，家住在京西北玄平坡的下坎，这个地名叫虎岭。
刘：哦，虎岭？我可没听说那出过什么武术家，听老人们说过那净卖粽子的。
曹：我拿江米砍死你！
刘：您也找不出别的东西了。
曹：他小瞧人！虎岭就都是卖粽子的？讨厌哪！
刘：反正卖粽子的多。
曹：你们曲艺团宿舍楼住的都是说相声的？
刘：那倒不见得
曹：还是的，嗬！我的老师是个和尚，叫围米！隐居在那。那天我爸爸带着我，还有我哥哥到那拜访他老人家，老爷子正捋叶子呢````
刘：捋那铁叶子？
曹：捋那苇叶子。
刘：还是卖粽子的！
曹：什么叫卖粽子？练功受伤了怎么办？拿苇叶子缠一下。
刘：拿苇叶子缠？
曹：你哪懂这个去？是不是？我爸爸把来意一说，老爷子很高兴：“二小！好！没什么，干什么不吃饭？早出去晚回来，该添水添水，该续火续火，知道吗
刘：我怎么听着不像练武术阿
曹：我爸爸说您多栽培。老师说：要干这行得先立下生死文约
刘：哦，这还合同制？
曹：得立合同！跟着老师学10年学8年，中间出去拿车撞死了，活该！
刘：哦，这没老师的责任？
曹：没人家的事。老师说你你气不过，扎井里死了，活该！
刘：老师不管？
曹：自己负责！
刘：哎哟！
曹：我父亲眼泪都下来了，可为了两个孩子的前途````咬咬牙：老师，您写吧！
刘：这就真写？
曹：老师吩咐一声：摆香堂！前边摆上香炉蜡钎蜡贡烛台，后边高悬上我们祖师爷的画像
刘：您这行也有祖师爷？
曹：有哇
刘：谁呀？
曹：屈原！
刘：对！您这行合理阿。没有屈原就没有粽子吗。
曹：你看这脸长的`````
刘：您甭端详我了
曹：前边摆好了笔墨纸砚，老师提起笔来，眼泪也下来了
刘：怎么呢？
曹：笔不落，两个孩子的命在；笔一落，千金的重担就落在自己身上了！真有个三长两短，怎么向人家父母交待？屋里的气氛很凝重，沉默了20多分钟没人说话。最后老师把笔放下了，叹了口气：甭写了
刘：哦，心软了
曹：我不认识字！
刘：废话！不认识字还写什么？
曹：我父亲很感动
刘：还感动？
曹：好好跟着老师学，老师文武双全，啊。
刘：甭提这文武双全了。
曹：说完了，我爸爸一道红光直奔西南。
刘：你爸爸狐仙？
曹：你爸爸白骨精！
刘：怎么一道红光阿？
曹：我把我爸爸皮袄后边给点着了
刘：什么儿子！
曹：之后每天跟着老师学能耐：先练掌再练拳，最后练兵刃
刘：哦
曹：先练掌法：铁砂掌。拿手在铁砂子里插，这么插。当然一开始你受不了，容易受伤，先插江米（做淘米状）
刘：哦，就光插这江米？
曹：有石头捡出来。
刘：您这捡米呢？
曹：练功嘛
刘：练得什么功阿？
曹：再练拳，拿手杵铁豆子，把铁豆子杵碎了！
刘：哎呦！
曹：当然一开始不能用铁豆子，先用红小豆。为了加强摩擦力，里边加上红糖。
刘：你这揣豆馅呢？
曹：最后练兵刃：练齐眉棍！打人行吗？先打树：“嘡嘡嘡”三下，歇会，再打，三下一歇三下一歇。
刘：干嘛三下一歇呀？
曹：祖师爷教导我们：有枣没枣打三竿子！
刘：屈原都馋疯了
曹：不许侮辱我们祖师爷！跟着老师学能耐，很开心啊
刘：还解馋呢
曹：你看这脸````
刘：又来了！
曹：老师经常教导我们：好好练，学得文武艺，货卖帝王家。记住老师的话：流民会武术，谁也挡不住！
刘：什么师傅！
曹：谢谢老师！我听了您这些正义的言辞，顿时五内澎湃，恨不得找个黑暗的恶势力和他同归刘尽！
刘：好！
曹：老师点点头：嗯，你无耻的样子很有我当年的神韵~
刘：嗨！这就别往下传了！
曹：实指望能跟着老师长久的在一起学能耐，没想到中间发生了一个小插曲
刘;什么插曲？
曹：有一天，老师下山，出去蹦的去了
刘：老师还干这个？
曹：不是，见网友去了
刘：嗨！还不如蹦迪呢
曹：无意中遇见了年轻时红颜知己的女儿，从见到她那一刻起，老师知道自己的江湖生涯结束了，注定要远离那些白衣如雪来去如风的日子。老人家以80高龄，毅然决然戴上假发还俗去了！~
刘：哦，跑了？
曹：两情若是久长时，又岂在猪猪肉肉？
刘：什么学问啊！朝朝暮暮！
曹：他走了，我们哥俩怎么办？一是跟老师能耐没学成，再说快到5月节了，就忙了。
刘：对，该备货了。
曹：我们哥俩整天加倍加点在院子里头忙活，哪有时间想别的啊（做包粽子状）
刘：行了，您就别扽这线了。
曹：这一天我们正在忙活，忽听得外面有人击户。什么叫击户？
刘：不知道
曹：小鸡子吃辣椒糊！
刘：胡解释！
曹：有人敲门。
刘：哎，您就说敲门就得了
曹：进来两个人：二位好啊，我们是北京前门外会友镖局的，我们老掌柜特地叫我来请二位走一趟，有要事相商。
曹：（做包粽子状）这大忙忙的，我们哪有工夫去阿
刘：来人了您就甭干了
曹：我说既然人家登门来请，也不好不去阿。我说哥哥把那火封上，包好的拿凉水拔上。出门一看，嗬！还准备车了！
刘：还真客气！
曹：太客气了！我说哥哥，你上那边，我上这边，一块上，省得翻了，一个轱辘不好坐！
刘：独轮车呀？
曹：行行行，有车就行。
刘：没给你捎50斤江米来？
曹：车夫推着我们，“子牛，子牛”来到前门
刘：哦，到了。
曹：老掌柜的和这些个英雄好汉，都在门口等着呢。一见我们来了，马上笑脸相迎：二位大驾光临，真使蓬荜生辉，茅房添彩！
刘：连茅房都刷漆了
曹：到了里边，一看迎面一个二层小楼，地下黄土垫道，两边摆满了刀枪架子。
刘：练家子
曹：老掌柜用手一指：2位楼上饮酒吧。我发了愁了！
刘：怎么了？
曹：不能走楼梯，让人笑话！这时候看你的轻功如何，你得纵上去。
刘：瞧功夫！
曹：我走楼梯？丢人了！怎么办呢？忽然急中生智，冲我哥哥一努嘴：嗯``````我哥哥由打怀中掏出暗器，“啪”往东南角一扔，我喊道：“有刺客！”老掌柜一听：“哪呢？瞧瞧去！”他们淅沥呼噜奔那边，我一揽我哥哥：“走，上楼。”
刘：就这么上去了？
曹：一会老头回来脸都青了：“这谁扔的粽子？”
刘：您也就衬这个了
曹：我说你上来阿！你可不能走楼梯让人笑话，啊。
刘：还斜楞人家呢
曹：老头“啪”一个跟头上来了。大排筵宴：山中走兽云中燕，陆地牛羊海底鲜，猴头燕窝鲨鱼翅，熊掌干贝鹿尾尖。烧黄2酒都摆齐了---吃吧，还等什么？甩开腮帮子，撩开后槽牙，饭菜如长江流水，似风卷残云，就跟倒土箱子里似的：“噼哩啪啦，噼哩啪啦````````”
刘：哎呦！过瘾呢！
曹：吃饱了，喝足了，老头往下一指：2位，楼下过过汗吧！
刘：过过汗？
曹：楼下抻练抻练
刘：哦，练练。
曹：再看老头，站稳了，一个跟头又下去了。我们怎么办？上来好上，下去再扔粽子不灵了。我一踹我哥哥：下去！顺着楼梯“骨碌骨碌”下去了，我后边追着：“哎哎哎``````”
刘：好么，脑子全用这上头了
曹：到了楼下，老头说：2位谁先来？我哥哥说我先来！我练一趟六合枪！
刘：好！
曹：这六合枪不好练！有赞为证：一扎眉攒2扎心，三扎眉攒4扎心，五扎眉攒6扎心，七扎眉攒8扎心！
刘：全扎一地方啊？
曹：这不好背，记性不好来不了这个！
刘：没什么不好背！就一句有什么不好背的！
曹：我哥哥刚要练，我说哥哥您感冒刚好，可别反复了！我哥哥点点头：言之有理！把枪放下，气不长处，面不改色！
刘：废话！他没练喘什么气呀！
曹：我说我来。你们见过枪见过刀，没见过刀枪并耍的！今天我一手枪，一手刀，让你们瞧瞧我的真能耐！
刘：好功夫！
曹：我到兵器架子那超起一杆大铁枪来，掂量掂量120多斤，枪尖朝下“扑”一下杵在地上：“老爷子扶着点，我挑口刀去。”老头真听话：“那边都是刀，挑去吧”。我挑了一口刀，要拽还没拽出来，打西北半悬空来了片云彩，紧跟着“咔嚓”一个雷，再看老头躺地上这样了（做抽搐状）
刘：你可太损了！
曹：我说老爷子您不对阿，您没攥瓷实。再来！
刘：还没攥瓷实？要不不能那样！
曹：老头一听：“no，no，no！”
刘：吓得外国话都出来了
曹：那我只练刀吧
刘：好，您练刀
曹：我把刀握在里，来一个“夜战八方藏刀式”（在自己脖子上一抹，倒地）
刘：（把他拉起来）往哪藏呢？您这自杀来了？
曹：藏刀式（放自己脖子左边），藏刀式（放自己脖子右边）````
刘：行了，您别使这架子了。
曹：老头很高兴：相烦2位给我们保趟镖，咱们后边验验镖吧。到了后边，一个个老窝瓜里边装满了金银财宝，这叫暗镖，现如今这趟镖不好保，2位辛苦一趟！
刘：好哇
曹：我说那就却之不恭了。我们哥俩从镖局出来，出德胜门，走清河夏河营康庄子，沙城保安康庄子，张家口夏河营康庄子，南口昌平县康庄子``````
刘：您等会吧。您就在康庄子这转悠，不往前走了？
曹：我就这瓷实
刘：瓷实也不能站这啊
曹：这时天色就晚了，我说哥哥咱打尖还是住店？
刘：您说？
曹：吃面！
刘：好么，这是走饿了。
曹：依着我哥哥要住店，我说咱们趁天黑赶紧往前走，过了这咱们再歇着。虽然道路崎岖，但是有这朦胧月色
刘：好主意！
曹：我们正往前走着，忽听得一阵铜锣响亮，紧跟着出来20名喽啰兵，都是短衣襟小打扮，雁别翅排开，中间闪出一个黑大个，这大黑脑袋：“呔！此山是我开，此树是我载。要想从此过，留下裤子来！”
刘：脱裤子阿？
曹：我说：大胆贼人！不光劫财，你还要劫色！
刘：什么乱七八糟的！
曹：我说哥哥，一个人打不过，咱俩人一块上双战刘他！
刘：上吧
曹：我们哥俩各挥刀枪，跟贼人战在一处。刀来枪去，枪来刀往，眼瞅着瞧见一破绽，我心说你就在这吧！大刀一举，“咔嚓”一下。斗大的人头地下翻滚，我是嚎啕大哭```
刘：你哭什么啊？
曹：把我哥哥宰了！
刘：去你的吧！
leo7724给的那是老郭和于谦的，我也在找曹云金的，找不到
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绛旓細2013骞翠腑澶數瑙嗗彴鏄ユ櫄,鏇逛簯閲,鍒樹簯澶鐨鐩稿０銆杩欎簨涓嶈禆鎴戙,鍏ㄦ枃鍓ф湰 瑕佸畬鏁村墽鏈,鍙彂涓涓ゅ彞鍙拌瘝鐨勪笉瑕佹潵鍑戠儹闂逛簡鈥︹... 瑕佸畬鏁村墽鏈,鍙彂涓涓ゅ彞鍙拌瘝...涔;璐逛簡涔濈墰浜岃檸涔嬪姏濂戒笉瀹规槗鎵剧潃涓宸ヤ綔鍦ㄤ竴瀹跺璐稿叕鍙镐竴涓湀缁欎笁鍗冨潡閽便傜敳;閭鍙互銆備箼;閽变笉閽辩殑娌″叧绯,鍏徃杩樼畻姝ｈ,鐢;閭ｅ氨琛屻備箼;杩欏氨琛屽憲銆
