英语短文写作—001 初级水平，急需朋友们的指点（用词、语法、表达方式等）雅正，感谢~
\u6211\u82f1\u8bed\u592a\u5f31\u4e86\uff0c\u5199\u4e86\u4e00\u7bc7\u4f5c\u6587\u8981\u4ea4\uff0c\u4f46\u4e0d\u77e5\u9053\u8bed\u6cd5\u53e5\u578b\u5bf9\u4e0d\u5bf9\uff0c\u60f3\u8bf7\u82f1\u8bed\u8fbe\u4eba\u4eec\u96c5\u6b63\u4e00\u4e0b\u3002\u8c22\u8c22\u4e86\u55ef\uff0c\u90a3\u4e2a\u3002\u3002\u3002\u3002\u3002\u3002\u5728\u82f1\u8bed\u91cc\uff0c\u8bb2\u8ff0\u6545\u4e8b\u65f6\uff0c\u8981\u7528\u4e00\u822c\u8fc7\u53bb\u65f6\uff0c\u697c\u4e3b\u597d\u50cf\u5f97\u628a\u5168\u7bc7\u90fd\u6539\u4e86
A spring afternoon, he comes to the park regularly and comes across
\u8fd9\u53e5A spring afternoon\u524d\u9762\u8981\u7528\u4ecb\u8bcd
The spring sunshine, the blue and clear sky, the quite lake and the beautiful girl standing under the cherry tree.
\u4ed4\u7ec6\u5206\u6790\u4e0b\uff0c\u8fd9\u53e5\u7684\u4e3b\u8bed\u662f\u4ec0\u4e48\uff0c\u6709\u7cfb\u52a8\u8bcd\u5417
\u548c\u540e\u53e5\u4e00\u8d77\u6539\u6210under the cherry tree standed the beautiful girl with the spring sunshine, the blue and clear skyand the quite lake \uff0cthe prospect of which seemed as a beautiful picture
\u8fd8\u6709\u5728\u5199\u82f1\u6587\u65f6\uff0c\u6709\u4e9b\u5355\u8bcd\u6c49\u8bed\u91cc\u7684\u610f\u601d\u5728\u82f1\u6587\u91cc\u662f\u4e0d\u901a\u7684\uff0c\u5c31\u50cf
But he is out of the picture
out of\u8fd9\u4e2a\u77ed\u8bed\u5728\u8fd9\u4e2a\u8bed\u5883\u91cc\u662f\u4e0d\u8d34\u5207\u7684\u3002\u6539\u6210he didint belong to the picture
the cherry is going to opening\u6539\u4e3aopen
\u7ffb\u8bd1\u4e0b\u9762\u90a3\u4e2a\u5df2\u7ecf\u5f88\u4e0d\u9519\u4e86\uff0c\u6211\u5c31\u6839\u636e\u4f60\u7684\u8981\u6c42\u7ed9\u4f60\u5f04\u91cd\u70b9\u53e5\u5b50\uff0c\u4ee5\u53ca\u8bed\u6cd5\u5427\u3002
1As everyone knows \u8fd9\u4e2a\u8868\u8fbe\u65b9\u5f0f\u5f88\u5e38\u89c1\uff0c\u4e5f\u53ef\u4ee5\u7528 as we all konw \u6765\u66ff\u4ee3\uff0c\u8fd9\u6837\u5462\uff0c\u53ef\u4ee5\u591a\u4e00\u4e2a\u5355\u8bcd\uff0c\u5982\u679c\u5728\u5199\u4f5c\u6587\u65f6\u540e\u89c9\u5f97\u81ea\u5df1\u8fbe\u4e0d\u5230\u5b57\u6570\u8981\u6c42\u7684\u8bdd\uff0c\u5c31\u63a8\u8350\u8fd9\u4e2a\u3002
2and there is no way to avoid it. \u8fd9\u4e2a\u5462\uff0c\u4e2a\u4eba\u8ba4\u4e3a\u8fd9\u4e2a\u53e5\u5b50\u5176\u5b9e\u8868\u8fbe\u6548\u679c\u4e0a\u4e0d\u662f\u5f88\u5982\u4eba\u610f\uff0c\u53ef\u4ee5\u91cd\u65b0\u5f00\u8d77\u4e00\u4e2a\u53e5\u5b50\uff0c\u5982 However ,there is obviously no way to aviod it.\u8fd9\u6837\u5462\uff0c\u5c31\u5f3a\u8c03\u4e86\u538b\u529b\u7684\u65e0\u5904\u4e0d\u5728\u5462\u3002
3As the pace of modern life continues to increase\uff0c\u8fd9\u4e2a\u5462\uff0c\u4e2a\u4eba\u5462\uff0c\u4e5f\u53ef\u4ee5\u63d0\u4f9b\u4e00\u4e2a\u66f4\u597d\u7684\u8868\u8fbe\u65b9\u5f0f\uff0c\u5373 with the increasing of the pace of modern life ,\u6709\u65f6\u5019\uff0c\u8fd9\u6837\u7684\u8868\u8fbe\u65b9\u5f0f\u4f1a\u66f4\u51fa\u5f69\uff0c\u4f7f\u5f97\u6587\u7ae0\u7684\u53e5\u5b50\u7ed3\u6784\u66f4\u4e3a\u4e30\u5bcc\u3002
4on the go \u5fd9\u4e2a\u4e0d\u505c
5goes hand in hand with \u8fd9\u4e2a\u5728\u8fd9\u91cc\u8868\u8fbe\u7684\u4e0d\u751a\u597d\uff0c\u8fd9\u4e2a\u901a\u5e38\u6307\u4ee3\u7684\u662f\u597d\u4e8b\u7269\uff0c\u5efa\u8bae\u6539\u7528\uff0cTherefore,stress dogs with us in this competitve society . dog \u672c\u6765\u662f\u540d\u8bcd\uff0c\u5728\u8fd9\u4e2a\u53e5\u5b50\u4e2d\u6d3b\u7528\u4e3a\u52a8\u8bcd\uff0c\u610f\u4e3a\u50cf\u72d7\u4e00\u6837\u7d27\u7d27\u8ddf\u7740\uff0c\u6709\u5acc\u5f03\u7684\u610f\u601d\u5728\u91cc\u9762\uff0c\u5f88\u7b26\u5408\u5bf9\u538b\u529b\u7684\u611f\u89c9\u3002
6 Different people, however, think of stress quite differently.\u8fd9\u4e2a\u53e5\u5b50\u5f88\u660e\u663e\u5f88\u76f4\u767d\uff0c\u6ca1\u6709\u7528\u5230\u4efb\u4f55\u6bd4\u8f83\u51fa\u5f69\u7684\u53e5\u5f0f\u673a\u6784\u548c\u8868\u8fbe\uff0c\u5efa\u8bae\u9009\u7528\uff0cdifferent people\uff0chowever \uff0chold totally different views about stress.
hold views about \u5bf9\u4ec0\u4e48\u6301\u6709\u4ec0\u4e48\u770b\u6cd5\u3002
7 Some believe that stress is not the bad thing it is often supposed to be.\u8fd9\u4e2a\u53e5\u5b50\u6709\u70b9\u8868\u8fbe\u7684\u4e0d\u662f\u5f88\u6e05\u695a\uff0c\u5b9c\u6539\u4e3a\uff0cSome people believe stress is not a bad thing and some even think there is supposed to have stress.
8They are of the opinion \u8fd9\u4e2a\u539f\u610f\u53ef\u80fd\u662f\u60f3\u8868\u8fbe\uff0c\u4ed6\u4eec\u6301\u6709\u8fd9\u6837\u89c2\u70b9\u662f\u56e0\u4e3a\u4f46\u662f\uff0c\u8fd9\u4e2a\u4e0d\u662f\u5f88\u6070\u5f53\uff0c\u5efa\u8bae\u662f\uff0cThey stand for this opinion because ,
stand for \u652f\u6301
9others agrue ,\u8fd9\u4e2a\u8868\u8fbe\u65b9\u6cd5\u5f88\u597d\uff0c\u4ee5\u540e\u5728\u4e9b\u7c7b\u4f3c\u7684\u6587\u7ae0\u7684\u65f6\u5019\u4e0d\u59a8\u91c7\u7528
10 contribute to \u6709\u52a9\u4e8e\uff0c\u6709\u76ca\u4e8e
11According to them \uff0c\u6700\u597d\u6539\u6210\uff0cAccording to these ideas
12According to them, relaxation, the opposite of stress, is essential for a healthy mind and body. \u8fd9\u4e2a\u53e5\u5b50\u5728\u67d0\u79cd\u610f\u4e49\u4e0a\u662f\u6ca1\u6709\u7528\u7684\uff0c\u56e0\u4e3a\u6574\u4e2a\u6587\u7ae0\u7684\u4e3b\u9898\u662f\u538b\u529b\uff0c\u6240\u4ee5\u53ef\u4ee5\u4e0d\u8981
13 Personally,\u5176\u5b9e\u662f\u4e2a\u5f88\u597d\u7684\u8868\u8fbe\uff0c\u4f46\u662f\uff0c\u8fd8\u662f\u8001\u8bdd\uff0c\u5982\u679c\u8981\u60f3\u5b57\u6570\u591a\u4e00\u70b9\uff0c\u6216\u8005\u8bf4\u662f\u66f4\u51fa\u5f69\u4e00\u70b9\u7684\u8bdd\uff0c\u90a3\u5c31\u53ef\u4ee5\u7528 As for me , as my money \u5c31\u6211\u770b\u6765\u7684\u8bdd\u3002
14 in favor of the former view \u8fd9\u4e2aview \u53ef\u4ee5\u6539\u4e3aone \uff0c\u8fd9\u6837\u662f\u6587\u7ae0\u4e0d\u662f\u90a3\u4e48\u5197\u6742\u7684\u611f\u89c9
15 I think it is impossible to avoid stress when one is entirely devoted to the career he pursues. \u8fd9\u4e2a\u53e5\u5b50\u62c9\u5f97\u7bc7\u5e45\u592a\u8fc7\u4e8e\u957f\u4e86\u4e9b\uff0c\u5e94\u8be5\u7528\u4f5c\u3002it is impossible for anyone to avoid stress if he was devoting hisself to the carrer he pursues. \u7528 it is \u7684\u53e5\u578b\u907f\u514d\u4e86\u8fd9\u4e2a\u53e5\u5b50\u770b\u8d77\u6765\u5934\u91cd\u811a\u8f7b\u3002
16it is only when the stress gets out of control that it can lead to poor performance and ill health
.\u8fd9\u4e2a\u5462\uff0c\u5e94\u8be5\u8bf4\u8981\u5728\u540e\u9762\u5728\u52a0\u4e00\u53e5\uff0c\u6240\u4ee5\u5462\uff0c\u6211\u4eec\u4e5f\u5e94\u8be5\u6ce8\u610f\u51cf\u538b\u3002so we need to release our our stress.
2、they met each other at(in) a party
3、He can bungee jump and ride a horse ，can后面跟的是动词，而bungee jump 是名词是蹦极的意思，建议这句可改成：He likes bungee jump and riding a horse. like既可以跟动词又可以跟名词。
4、He also has a gift for sport（sports).后面有讲到好几种体育
5、On the contrary,however, Micky's girl is short,slim,shy,sensitive . On the contrary是“相反地”的意思，however是“然而，可是”的意思，两个意思其实是差不多的，在这里重复了，取一个就行了，建议用On the contrary，因为however在平常文章中用的比较多，英语作文的话单词还是相对新颖的好。
6、She is nether (neither) outgoing nor lively.
7、she can write novels and poem (poems)
8、she is a（an) excellent daughter
个人建议：大体看下来，行文还算流畅，有些单词、短语用的比较好的，但是重复的单词太多，少用and这个单词，看上去会更加好。用的最多就是and这个词，有些地方可以换掉，比如：One day, they met each other at a party and they started talking about their children可换成One day, they met each other at a party ，then they started talking about their children。
其次用的最多是can这个词，一句话连着读有很多个and和can，He can bungee jump and ride a horse, and he can play several ball games such as basketball,tennis,volleyball and baseball，可换成：Ordinarily(平时） he likes bungee jump and riding a horse.He also can play several ball games such as basketball,tennis,volleyball and baseball.
have the talent to也是“有天赋”的意思，可以一个用have the talent to，另一个用have a gift for，这样可能会更好哦~
建议：一篇文章中同个单词出现的次数不要太多哦；同个意思的单词，最好不要用大家都常用的 单词，这样给老师的印象会深刻点，分数会高点，所以扩充词汇量是必须的！
希望对你有帮助哦~ 加油！
（PS：修改病句不敢保证百分百修改正确，但保证大部分都修改对的哦~
自我感觉给你评的还不错，嘻嘻~~
我打得很辛苦地，真的。。。。）
写得甚好，文法上没有出错，我且替我翻为中文罢。
汤和米基是20年前的同学，现在两人已婚都同是每人有一个孩子。汤的是个女孩子，而米基的则是男孩。他们都很痛爱自己的孩子。有一天，他们有一个派对里重逢，说起了自己的儿女。据汤说，他的儿子很高个子、强壮、外向，活跃向看起来很有幽默。同时亦很有体育的天份。他能"笨猪跳"和 骑马。他也能玩几种球类,如，蓝球、网球、排球和罗致等等。但相反的，米基的女儿却得又瘦又矮，很畏羞、敏感和很爱静。她既不外向也不活跃，但却聪明绝顶。她对词言甚有研究，能操6种言语，包括: 中文、俄文、韩文、卜语、德文和波斯文。此外，她亦有文学的天骢。她能造诗写小说，而且可以告诉你，她的字体比她还要秀丽，米基认为她是个出色的女儿。
若果楼主不介意的话，我要指出此文前段和後段不接，前段说汤的女孩，米基的是男孩，但後段却是相反，是否等弄错了?
Tom and Micky were classmates twenty years ago. Now they are both married and both of them have a child.Tom's child is (a) girl and Micky's child is (a) boy. They like their children very much.One day, they met each other at a party and they started talking about
their children.Acorrding to Tom, his son is tall,strong,outgoing,lively and he looks very sunny.He also has a gift for sport.He can bungee jump and ride a horse, and he can play several ball games such as basketball,tennis,volleyball and baseball.On the contrary,however, Micky's girl is short,slim,shy,sensitive and she looks very quiet.She
is nether (neither) outgoing nor lively but she excels in intelligence.She is good at languages and can speak six languages, including Chinese,Russian,Korean,Portuguese,German and Persian.Besides,she has a gift for literature,she can write novels and poem (poems) and (to)tell you the truth, her handwriting is far more charming than herself! As Micky puts it, she is a (an) excellent daughter.
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