侯宝林相声 笑的研究 台词 急求！侯宝林相声台词——《相面》。我要的是台词！
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笑的研究垫话儿（对口）甲 人都喜欢听相声。乙 哎。甲 因为相声能使人发笑。乙 对。甲 发笑就是让大家乐，并不是听完相声就起化学作用。乙 就是逗乐儿。甲 这对人有很大的好处。乙 这有什么好处？甲 能使人精神愉快，身体健康。乙 啊，听相声有这么大好处？甲 卫生家说过：人能每天大笑三次，生命就能延长；常常愁闷，容易衰老，就能使生命缩短。乙 这我倒听说过。甲 医学家也有说法。乙 说什么？甲 说：人哪，最好是多听相声，少看病。乙 啊！听相声有什么好处呢？甲 哈哈一乐，可以清气上升，浊气下降，二气均分，食归大肠，水归膀胱，消食化水，不生灾病。乙 有这么大好处？甲 这都说明：乐对人的好处。俗语有这么句话。乙 什么话？甲 “笑一笑，少一少。”乙 嗯？甲 就是说：人一乐，年轻一点儿；一发愁，就能老一点儿。老发愁头发就能白了。要不怎么有那很年轻的人头发就白了，那是怎么回事？乙 那是少白头。甲 那是不常听相声。乙 啊！甲 所以说，“笑一笑，少一少；愁一愁，白了头”。 乙 你这说法儿不对，我记得有这么句话：“笑一笑，十年少。”甲 嗯？乙 人一笑，能年轻十岁。甲 噢，你这是定期的？我那是活期的。乙 干吗，存款哪？甲 你说，一乐就能年轻十岁？乙 啊！甲 比如：来个三十岁的人听相声，哈哈一乐，剩二十了。再一乐，十岁了。你再说什么他也不敢乐了。乙 怎么？甲 再一乐，没啦！乙 没啦！挺大一个人能没了吗？甲 人不能没，岁数没啦，成初生小孩儿啦，来时骑车来的，走时让保育员抱走啦。让你这么一说，哪个剧场也不能演相声，演完了转业，剧场改托儿所。乙 啊！甲：乐对人身体健康有好处。可以治病乙：还能治病？甲：治病不是完全靠这医药和手术乙：都靠着什么呀？甲：治疗方法很多。乙：您介绍都有什么甲：就拿理疗来说吧乙：您说说甲：有水疗，电疗，组织疗法，睡眠疗法，气功疗法，等等吧。将来可以发展相声疗法乙：相声也算一种疗法？甲：医院里内科外科妇产科小儿科，将来增加个相声科乙：相声也占一科甲：人数少啊，派出两个相声演员就行了乙：这不行，不行。您说每一个医院要派两个相声演员，我们这相声演员人太少，不够分配甲：那没关系。将来把医生和护士都组织起来乙：干嘛呀？甲：学相声！乙：让人家医生学相声甲：相声演员也学医，这样就结合起来了乙：那哪结合得了啊？相声演员学医，没有基础这可不行。甲：你说谁不行？乙：我就不行啊甲：有行的乙：谁行啊？甲：我乙：你懂医学？甲：侯大夫嘛乙：说了半天话，我没注意这位是侯大夫啊甲：你到我们村打听，侯大夫，都知道乙：都了解你。您是内科还是外科呢甲：外科就好乙：外科那可不简单，外科医生那讲究动手术啊甲：开刀，拉啊，那咱行！你说你要是长个疖子，长个疮子。你，甭找别的大夫，找我就行了。乙：找你？甲：只要你豁得出去，我就敢干！乙：我不敢干！好嘛，我得豁出死去找你来治哪有那么大危险呐？乙：你说让我豁得出去甲：你得豁得出去疼啊乙：疼啊？那这样一说，你的医术还不太高明。人家那个大夫给患者做手术，讲究让患者不受痛苦，不知不觉甲：你别害怕，我有把握，我平常用针管多。就这么长，就这么粗，装500瓦药水乙：等会儿，这么长这么粗，里头装多少瓦500乙：500瓦药水往人身上打？受得了嘛？甲：你说人呐？那你误会啦乙：你这是？甲：我是兽医乙：我不是
甲 人都喜欢听相声。乙 哎。甲 因为相声能使人发笑。乙 对。甲 发笑就是让大家乐，并不是听完相声就起化学作用。乙 就是逗乐儿。甲 这对人有很大的好处。乙 这有什么好处？甲 能使人精神愉快，身体健康。乙 啊，听相声有这么大好处？甲 卫生家说过：人能每天大笑三次，生命就能延长；常常愁闷，容易衰老，就能使生命缩短。乙 这我倒听说过。甲 医学家也有说法。乙 说什么？甲 说：人哪，最好是多听相声，少看病。乙 啊！听相声有什么好处呢？甲 哈哈一乐，可以清气上升，浊气下降，二气均分，食归大肠，水归膀胱，消食化水，不生灾病。乙 有这么大好处？甲 这都说明：乐对人的好处。俗语有这么句话。乙 什么话？甲 “笑一笑，少一少。”乙 嗯？甲 就是说：人一乐，年轻一点儿；一发愁，就能老一点儿。老发愁头发就能白了。要不怎么有那很年轻的人头发就白了，那是怎么回事？乙 那是少白头。甲 那是不常听相声。乙 啊！甲 所以说，“笑一笑，少一少；愁一愁，白了头”。 乙 你这说法儿不对，我记得有这么句话：“笑一笑，十年少。”甲 嗯？乙 人一笑，能年轻十岁。甲 噢，你这是定期的？我那是活期的。乙 干吗，存款哪？甲 你说，一乐就能年轻十岁？乙 啊！甲 比如：来个三十岁的人听相声，哈哈一乐，剩二十了。再一乐，十岁了。你再说什么他也不敢乐了。乙 怎么？甲 再一乐，没啦！乙 没啦！挺大一个人能没了吗？甲 人不能没，岁数没啦，成初生小孩儿啦，来时骑车来的，走时让保育员抱走啦。让你这么一说，哪个剧场也不能演相声，演完了转业，剧场改托儿所。乙 啊！甲：乐对人身体健康有好处。可以治病乙：还能治病？甲：治病不是完全靠这医药和手术乙：都靠着什么呀？甲：治疗方法很多。乙：您介绍都有什么甲：就拿理疗来说吧乙：您说说甲：有水疗，电疗，组织疗法，睡眠疗法，气功疗法，等等吧。将来可以发展相声疗法乙：相声也算一种疗法？甲：医院里内科外科妇产科小儿科，将来增加个相声科乙：相声也占一科甲：人数少啊，派出两个相声演员就行了乙：这不行，不行。您说每一个医院要派两个相声演员，我们这相声演员人太少，不够分配甲：那没关系。将来把医生和护士都组织起来乙：干嘛呀？甲：学相声！乙：让人家医生学相声甲：相声演员也学医，这样就结合起来了乙：那哪结合得了啊？相声演员学医，没有基础这可不行。甲：你说谁不行？乙：我就不行啊甲：有行的乙：谁行啊？甲：我乙：你懂医学？甲：侯大夫嘛乙：说了半天话，我没注意这位是侯大夫啊甲：你到我们村打听，侯大夫，都知道乙：都了解你。您是内科还是外科呢甲：外科就好乙：外科那可不简单，外科医生那讲究动手术啊甲：开刀，拉啊，那咱行！你说你要是长个疖子，长个疮子。你，甭找别的大夫，找我就行了。乙：找你？甲：只要你豁得出去，我就敢干！乙：我不敢干！好嘛，我得豁出死去找你来治哪有那么大危险呐
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