逐句分析的追加5-10分,求帮修改作文,写错语法错误需要改正的地方,15分满分能打几分?....大学四级

\u9010\u53e5\u5206\u6790\u7684\u8ffd\u52a05-10\u5206\uff0c\u6c42\u5e2e\u4fee\u6539\u4f5c\u6587\uff0c\u5199\u9519\u8bed\u6cd5\u9519\u8bef\u9700\u8981\u6539\u6b63\u7684\u5730\u65b9\uff0c15\u5206\u6ee1\u5206\u80fd\u6253\u51e0\u5206\uff1f....\u51c6\u5907\u8003\u56db\u7ea7\u7684

in recent years,the safety of food has brought into focus.such as the SANLU milk powder,the crayfish, the dyeing steamed bread and the SHUANGHUI fresh meat. as the unsafe events of food occuring one by one,people are worry\u3010worried\u3011 about the safety of food from now on.
as far as i am concerned,there are many reasons result\u3010resulting\u3011 in the food unsafety.first of all,most of businessman \u3010businessmen\u3011are just concerned about the profit of their productions\u3010products\u3011.in order to gain the higgest\u3010highest\u3011 profit, they add some harmful chemicals into the productions\u3010products\u3011. what is more,they prefer the lowest prise raw materials rather than the highest qualify one.so they can take less money to\u3010and\u3011 make highest profit. finally,withoutf the perfect management of goverment departments , the unsafe events of food can happen usually.
considering these, i think we should take series of measures to stop this kind of event from happening.i put forward the following suggestions.for one thing, our goverment departments should put forward the effective measures to control this kind of event again. for another thing,as businessmen, we\u3010they\u3011 can just think of the profit,we \u3010they\u3011have a responsibility to ensure the satefy of productions

\u5168\u7bc7\u90fd\u6709\u7684\u95ee\u9898\uff1a
\u6bcf\u53e5\u7b2c\u4e00\u4e2a\u5b57\u6bcd\u5927\u5199\uff0c\u5e94\u8be5\u662f\u4f60\u6253\u5b57\u6ca1\u6ce8\u610f\uff1b
in big cities,in small towns,\u6ca1\u6709\u7279\u6307\u54ea\u4e2a\u57ce\u5e02\uff0c\u54ea\u4e2a\u5c0f\u9547\uff0c\u7528\u590d\u6570\uff1b
\u6bd4\u8f83\u7ea7\uff1a** in big cities is/are \u6bd4\u8f83\u7ea7 than that/those in small towns

big city or small town
nowdays, many graduates choose to work in big city .

they may think that it is easier than small town to find a suitable job in big city.
they may think that it is easier to find a suitable job in a big city than a small town .
city\u548ctown\u5982\u679c\u4e0d\u7528\u5355\u6570\uff0c\u8bf7\u5168\u90e8\u7528\u590d\u6570\u3002

there are more working chances in big city and the level of salary is higher than small town.
\u673a\u4f1a\u7528opportunity\uff0c\u4e0d\u7528chance\uff1bthere are more working opportunities in big cities and the salary level in big cities is high than in small towns.

they are eager to learn more knowledge and to earn more money.

however,some graduates prefer to start their work in small town.
in their eyes, (\u5728\u4ed6\u4eec\u773c\u4e2d\uff0c\u53ef\u4ee5\u8bf4in their opinion\uff0c\u8fd9\u4e2a\u7ffb\u8bd1\u592a\u4e2d\u5f0f\u5316\u4e86\uff09the price of commodicies\uff08\u5546\u54c1\uff0c\u7269\u54c1\u7528commodity\uff0c\u4e0d\u77e5\u9053\u662f\u4e0d\u662f\u4f60\u62fc\u9519\u4e86\uff09\uff0c is much lower than big city\uff08than that in big cities). to the person who just graduate from college\uff08\u6b64\u53e5\u7528\u8fc7\u53bb\u5f0f\u6216\u8005\u7528\u73b0\u5728\u5b8c\u6210\u65f6\uff09, it is suiable for them to work.\uff08\u8fd9\u53e5\u8bdd\u6ca1\u8bf4\u5b8c\u554a\uff0cto work in small towns\uff09
peasonally,i will stay at big city\uff08stay in big cities\uff09. after graduation.for one things\uff08\u4e00\u65b9\u9762\uff0cfor one thing\uff0c\u4e0d\u77e5\u9053\u662f\u4e0d\u662f\u6253\u9519\u4e86\uff09,big city can provide more chances for me to work\uff08offers me more working opportunities\uff09,especially the jobs that i like to\uff08\u4e0d\u8981\u7528to\uff0cI like \u6216\u8005\u8bf4I prefer\uff09.for another, there are more knowledge waitting for me to learn.\uff08I\u2019ve got too much to learn\uff0c\u8fd9\u53e5\u8bdd\u592a\u4e2d\u5f0f\u5316\u4e86\uff09 the big city also can provide more chances for me to improve myself.
\u611f\u89c9\u5927\u95ee\u9898\u6ca1\u6709\uff0c\u6bd4\u8f83\u7ea7\u7528\u5f97\u4e0d\u597d\uff0c\u51e0\u4e2a\u53e5\u5b50\u7684\u7ffb\u8bd1\u5b8c\u5168\u662f\u7167\u4e2d\u6587\u610f\u601d\u6765\u7684
\u6253\u4e2a12\u5206\u5427

1.第一段:
(1) why so many children become single parent children?改为why so many children become single-parent children?
(2)because one of their parents had died or their parents had divorced.改为because one of their parents have died or their parents have divorced.

2.第二段
第一行的bring改成bring about
第二行的unbalance改为unbalanced

第三段、
第一行:as far as I concerned改为as far as I am concerned
第二行: single parent children改为single-parent children
第三行: both of the physical and mentally development改为both physically and mentally
第四行:when they face some problems on study or in daily life 改为when they face some problems in study or daily life

In recent years ,single parent family has become more and more general in society. why so many children become single parent children? Because one of their parents had died or their parents had divorced.
single parent family brings many negetive effects to children. Above all , they lose half of the love from parents . Besides, they may feel unbalance and easy to get angried. what's more , without the love and care from parents ,they may easily develop many bad habits.
single parent children have become a problem . As far as I concerned, firstly, society should pay more attention to single parent children. In addition , parent should spend more time to take care of their children , physically and mentally . All in all , as their friends or classmates , we can't look down upon them , when they face some problems on study or in daily life ,we should give a hand to them actively.

12分,写得不错咯!

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