急要英语小故事，小笑话，小谜语，字数100到80个左右，要有翻译，并且要有谜底，字词简单易懂 求几篇80个单词左右的英语短文/小故事/幽默笑话
\u6025\u9700\u4e00\u7bc7\u82f1\u6587\u7b11\u8bdd\u5c0f\u77ed\u6587\uff0c\u5b57\u6570\u5927\u7ea6100\u5b57\u5de6\u53f3\uff0c\u8981\u5e26\u7ffb\u8bd1\u7684\uff0c\u8c22\u8c22\u554aXiaohua started to learn English about 6 months ago and is now eager to practice his English whenever and whereever he can. Today is Sunday, as usual, Xiaohua came to the central park to find chances of practicing his English. Accidently, he bumped into an American tourist.
"I am sorry," said Xiaohua.
"I am sorry too (two)," replied the American tourist. Thinking that using numbers may indicate the degree of apology, Xiaohua continued,
"I am sorry three." Confused by Xiaohua's remarks, the American tourist asked,
"What are you sorry for (four)?"
"I am sorry five," Xiaohua quickly replied.
\u6653\u534e6\u4e2a\u6708\u524d\u5f00\u59cb\u5b66\u4e60\u82f1\u6587\u3002\u4ed6\u73b0\u5728\u6025\u4e8e\u627e\u673a\u4f1a\u7ec3\u4e60\u4ed6\u7684
\u82f1\u6587\u3002\u4eca\u5929\u662f\u661f\u671f\u5929\uff0c\u540c\u5f80\u5e38\uff08\u4ee5\u5f80\u7684\u661f\u671f\u5929\uff09\u4e00\u6837\uff0c\u6653\u534e\u6765\u5230\u4e86\u4e2d\u592e\u516c\u56ed\u5bfb\u627e\u673a\u4f1a\u7ec3\u4e60\u82f1\u6587\u3002\u4e00u\u4e0d\u5c0f\u5fc3\uff0c\u4ed6\u8d70\u8def\u65f6\u78b0\u649e\u5230\u4e86\u4e00\u4f4d\u7f8e\u56fd\u6e38\u5ba2\u3002
\u201c\u5bf9\u4e0d\u8d77\uff0c\u201d \u6653\u534e\u5bf9\u7f8e\u56fd\u6e38\u5ba2\u8bf4\u3002
\u201c\u6211\u4e5f\u5bf9\u4e0d\u8d77\uff0c\u201d \u7f8e\u56fd\u6e38\u5ba2\u5bf9\u6653\u534e\u8bf4\u3002
\u7531\u4e8e\u82f1\u6587\u91cc\u7684\u201c\u4e5f\u201d\u4e0e\u201c2\u201d\u53d1\u97f3\u76f8\u4f3c\uff0c\u6653\u534e\u4ee5\u4e3a\u5728\u82f1\u6587\u91cc\uff0c\u6570\u5b57\u53ef\u4ee5\u7528\u6765\u8868\u8fbe\u201c\u66f4\u8bda\u6073\u7684\u9053\u6b49\u3002 \u6653\u534e\u63a5\u7740\u5bf9\u7f8e\u56fd\u6e38\u5ba2\u8bf4\uff0c
\u201d\u5bf9\u4e0d\u53bb3\u3002\u201c
\u5bf9\u4e8e\u6653\u534e\u7684\u8bb2\u8bdd\u6709\u70b9\u8ff7\u60d1\uff0c\u7f8e\u56fd\u6e38\u5ba2\u95ee\u9053\uff1a
\u201d\u4f60\u4e3a\u5565\u5bf9\u4e0d\u8d77\u3002\u201c
\u7531\u4e8e\u82f1\u6587\u91cc\u7684\u201c\u4e3a\u5565\u201d\u4e0e\u201c4\u201d\u53d1\u97f3\u76f8\u4f3c\uff0c\u6653\u534e\u7acb\u5373\u56de\u7b54\u8bf4\uff1a
\u201c\u5bf9\u4e0d\u8d775\u3002\u201d
Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
\u597d\u5b69\u5b50
\u5c0f\u7f57\u4f2f\u7279\u5411\u5988\u5988\u8981\u4e24\u5206\u94b1\u3002
\u201c\u6628\u5929\u7ed9\u4f60\u7684\u94b1\u5e72\u4ec0\u4e48\u4e86\uff1f\u201d
\u201c\u6211\u7ed9\u4e86\u4e00\u4e2a\u53ef\u601c\u7684\u8001\u592a\u5a46\uff0c\u201d\u4ed6\u56de\u7b54\u8bf4\u3002 \u201c\u4f60\u771f\u662f\u4e2a\u597d\u5b69\u5b50\uff0c\u201d\u5988\u5988\u9a84\u50b2\u5730\u8bf4\u3002\u201c\u518d\u7ed9\u4f60\u4e24\u5206\u94b1\u3002\u53ef\u4f60\u4e3a\u4ec0\u4e48\u5bf9\u90a3\u4f4d\u8001\u592a\u592a\u90a3\u4e48\u611f\u5174\u8da3\u5462\uff1f\u201d
\u201c\u5979\u662f\u4e2a\u5356\u7cd6\u679c\u7684\u3002\u201d
Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "
Notes:
(1) inform v.\u544a\u8bc9
(2) nest n.\u7a9d\uff1b\u5de2
(3) description n.\u63cf\u8ff0
(4) encourage v.\u9f13\u52b1
(5) resemble v. \u76f8\u4f3c\uff1b\u7c7b\u4f3c
18.\u9e1f\u7a9d\u4e0e\u5934\u53d1
\u6211\u59d0\u59d0\u662f\u4e00\u4f4d\u5c0f\u5b66\u8001\u5e08\u3002\u4e00\u6b21\u4e00\u4e2a\u5b66\u751f\u544a\u8bc9\u5979\u8bf4\u4e00\u53ea\u9e1f\u513f\u5728\u6559\u5ba4\u5916 \u7684\u6811\u4e0a\u5792\u4e86\u4e2a\u7a9d\u3002
\u201c\u662f\u4ec0\u4e48\u9e1f\u5462\uff1f\u201d\u6211\u59d0\u59d0\u95ee\u5979\u3002
\u201c\u6211\u6ca1\u770b\u5230\u9e1f\u513f\uff0c\u8001\u5e08\uff0c\u53ea\u770b\u5230\u9e1f\u7a9d\u3002\u201d\u90a3\u5b69\u5b50\u56de\u7b54\u8bf4\u3002
\u201c\u90a3\u4e48\uff0c\u4f60\u80fd\u7ed9\u6211\u4eec\u63cf\u8ff0\u4e00\u4e0b\u8fd9\u4e2a\u9e1f\u5de2\u5417\uff1f\u201d\u6211\u59d0\u59d0\u9f13\u52b1\u5979\u9053\u3002
\u201c\u54e6\uff0c\u8001\u5e08\uff0c\u5c31\u50cf\u4f60\u7684\u5934\u53d1\u4e00\u6837\u3002\u201d
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.\u6709\u6bd2\u7684
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue \u56e0\u4e3a\u6211\u521a\u54ac\u4e86\u81ea\u5df1\u7684\u820c\u5934\u3002 \u53e5\u4e2d Cause \u662f Because \u7684\u7f29\u7565\u5f62\u5f0f\u3002
\u6211\u521a\u54ac\u7834\u81ea\u5df1\u7684\u820c\u5934
\u201c\u6211\u4eec\u6709\u6bd2\u5417\uff1f\u201d\u4e00\u4e2a\u5e74\u5e7c\u7684\u86c7\u95ee\u5b83\u7684\u6bcd\u4eb2\u3002
\u201c\u662f\u7684\uff0c\u4eb2\u7231\u7684\uff0c\u201d\u5979\u56de\u7b54\u8bf4\uff0c\u201c\u4f60\u95ee\u8fd9\u4e2a\u5e72\u4ec0\u4e48\uff1f\u201d
\u201c\u56e0\u4e3a\u6211\u521a\u521a\u54ac\u7834\u81ea\u5df1\u7684\u820c\u5934\u3002\u201d
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
\u6454\u5012\u7684\u5973\u4eba
\u4e0a\u4e0b\u73ed\u9ad8\u5cf0\u671f\uff0c\u6211\u5306\u5306\u5954\u5411\u7ebd\u7ea6\u8c6a\u534e\u4e2d\u5fc3\u7ad9\u53bb\u8d76\u4e00\u8d9f\u706b\u8f66\u3002\u63a5\u8fd1\u95e8\u53e3\uff0c\u4e00\u4f4d\u80a5\u80d6\u7684\u4e2d\u5e74\u5987\u5973\u4ece\u540e\u9762\u51b2\u8fc7\u6765\uff0c\u6ca1\u60f3\u5230\u5728\u5e73\u6ed1\u7684\u5927\u7406\u77f3\u5730\u9762\u4e0a\u5931\u4e86\u811a\uff0c\u4ef0\u9762\u6ed1\u5012\u4e86\u3002\u5979\u7684\u60ef\u6027\u4f7f\u5979\u63a5\u8fd1\u4e86\u6211\u7684\u811a\u3002\u6211\u6b63\u51c6\u5907\u6276\u5979\uff0c\u5979\u5374\u81ea\u5df1\u722c\u4e86\u8d77\u6765\u3002\u5979\u9547\u5b9a\u4e86\u4e00\u4e0b\uff0c\u5bf9\u6211\u6324\u4e86\u4e00\u4e0b\u7709\uff0c\u8bf4\u9053\uff1a\u201c\u603b\u662f\u6709\u6f02\u4eae\u5973\u4eba\u62dc\u5012\u5728\u4f60\u811a\u4e0b\u5417\uff1f\u201d
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e00\uff09
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
\u7334\u5b50\u4f1a\u548c\u8df3\u86a4\u6709\u4ec0\u4e48\u4e0d\u540c\u5462\uff1f\u4f60\u53ef\u80fd\u4f1a\u76f4\u63a5\u7684\u60f3\u5230\u5b83\u4eec\u4fe9\u662f\u4e00\u5927\u4e00\u5c0f\u3002\u4f46\u9664\u6b64\u4e4b\u5916\u5462\uff0c\u90a3\u5c31\u662f\u7334\u5b50\u8eab\u4e0a\u53ef\u4ee5\u957f\u8df3\u86a4\uff0c\u800c\u8df3\u86a4\u8eab\u4e0a\u5374\u4e0d\u80fd\u6709\u7334\u5b50\u3002\u8fd9\u4e2a\u7b54\u6848\u5f88\u6709\u610f\u601d\u5427\uff1f
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
\u5982\u679c\u4f60\u8e29\u4e86\u519c\u592b\u7684\u7389\u7c73\u6216\u662f\u8c37\u7269\uff0c\u4ed6\u80af\u5b9a\u4f1a\u751f\u6c14\u7684\uff1b\u800c\u5982\u679c\u4f60\u8e29\u4e86\u519c\u592b\u811a\u5e95\u7684\u9e21\u773c\uff0c\u4ed6\u4f1a\u66f4\u751f\u6c14\u3002Corn\u65e2\u53ef\u4ee5\u8868\u793a\u201c\u7389\u7c73/\u8c37\u7269\u201d\uff0c\u4e5f\u6709\u201c\u9e21\u773c\u201d\u7684\u610f\u601d\u3002
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
\u56e0\u4e3asnail\uff08\u8717\u725b\uff09\u7684\u540e\u80cc\u4e0a\u603b\u662f\u80cc\u7740\u4e00\u6240\u623f\u5b50\uff0c\u6240\u4ee5\u8bf4\u8717\u725b\u662f\u4e16\u754c\u4e0a\u6700\u5f3a\u58ee\u7684\u751f\u7269\u662f\u4e0d\u8db3\u4e3a\u5947\u7684\u3002\u4f60\u8bf4\u5462\uff1f
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
\u4e00\u770b\u5230make faces\u8fd9\u4e2a\u77ed\u8bed\uff0c\u4f60\u53ef\u5343\u4e07\u522b\u4ee5\u4e3a\u662f\u5728\u949f\u8868\u5382\u5de5\u4f5c\u7684\u4eba\u6574\u5929\u90fd\u505a\u9b3c\u8138\u5440\uff01\u56e0\u4e3a\u9664\u4e86\u8fd9\u4e2a\u610f\u601d\u4ee5\u5916\uff0c\u5b83\u8fd8\u53ef\u4ee5\u4ece\u5b57\u9762\u4e0a\u89e3\u91ca\u4e3a\u5236\u9020\u949f\u9762\u3002
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
\u600e\u6837\u624d\u80fd\u4e0d\u8ba9\u68a6\u6e38\u8005\uff08sleepwalker\uff09\u68a6\u6e38\uff08walk in his sleep\uff09\u5462\uff1f\u6700\u7b80\u5355\u7684\u65b9\u6cd5\u5c31\u662f\u4e0d\u8ba9\u4ed6\u7761\u89c9\u3002\u867d\u7136\u8fd9\u4e0d\u662f\u6cbb\u7597\u65b9\u6cd5\uff0c\u4f46\u5982\u679c\u8ba9\u68a6\u6e38\u8005\u9192\u7740\u5462\uff0c\u4ed6\u7684\u786e\u5c31\u4e0d\u4f1a\u53bb\u68a6\u6e38\u4e86\u3002
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e8c\uff09
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
\u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269
-- \u6211\u53d4\u53d4\u4e0b\u9762\u67091000\u4e2a\u4eba\u3002
-- \u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269\u3002\u5e72\u4ec0\u4e48\u7684\uff1f
-- \u5893\u5730\u5b88\u5893\u4eba\u3002
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e09\uff09
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
\u5b83\u4eec\u662f\u4ece\u7f8e\u56fd\u76f4\u63a5\u5e26\u6765\u7684
\u4e00\u4f4d\u4e2d\u56fd\u8001\u5987\u4eba\u5728\u7f8e\u56fd\u770b\u671b\u5973\u513f\u56de\u6765\u4e0d\u4e45\uff0c\u5230\u4e00\u5bb6\u5e02\u94f6\u884c\u5b58\u5973\u513f\u9001\u7ed9\u5979\u7684\u7f8e\u5143\u3002\u5728\u94f6\u884c\u67dc\u53f0\uff0c\u94f6\u884c\u804c\u5458\u8ba4\u771f\u68c0\u67e5\u4e86\u6bcf\u4e00\u5f20\u949e\u7968\uff0c\u770b\u662f\u5426\u6709\u5047\u3002
\u8fd9\u79cd\u505a\u6cd5\u8ba9\u8001\u5987\u4eba\u5f88\u4e0d\u8010\u70e6\uff0c\u6700\u540e\u5b9e\u5728\u5fcd\u8010\u4e0d\u4f4f\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u76f8\u4fe1\u6211\uff0c\u5148\u751f\uff0c\u4e5f\u8bf7\u4f60\u76f8\u4fe1\u8fd9\u4e9b\u949e\u7968\u3002\u8fd9\u90fd\u662f\u771f\u6b63\u7684\u7f8e\u5143\uff0c\u5b83\u4eec\u662f\u4ece\u7f8e\u56fd\u76f4\u63a5\u5e26\u6765\u7684\u3002\u201d
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u56db\uff09my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
\u6211\u7684\u72d7\u4e0d\u8bc6\u5b57
\u5e03\u6717\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u54e6\uff0c
\u4eb2\u7231\u7684\uff0c\u6211\u628a\u73cd\u7231\u7684\u5c0f\u72d7\u7ed9\u4e22\u4e86\uff01
\u53f2\u5bc6\u65af\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u53ef\u662f\u4f60\u8be5\u5728\u62a5\u7eb8\u4e0a\u767b\u5e7f\u544a\u554a\uff01
\u5e03\u6717\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u6ca1\u6709\u7528\u7684\uff0c\u6211\u7684\u5c0f\u72d7\u4e0d\u8ba4\u8bc6\u5b57\u3002\u201d
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e94\uff09Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
\u7ed9\u6211\u90a3\u4e2a\u6253\u8d62\u7684\u5427
-- \u670d\u52a1\u5458\uff0c
\u8fd9\u4e2a\u9f99\u867e\u53ea\u6709\u4e00\u53ea\u722a\u3002
-- \u5bf9\u4e0d\u8d77\uff0c\u5148\u751f\uff0c\u8fd9\u53ea\u80af\u5b9a\u6253\u8fc7\u67b6\u4e86\u3002
-- \u54e6\uff0c \u90a3\u7ed9\u6211\u90a3\u4e2a\u6253\u8d62\u7684\u5427\u3002
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u516d\uff09The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
\u541d\u556c\u9b3c\u8bf7\u5ba2
\u4e00\u4e2a\u51fa\u4e86\u540d\u7684\u541d\u556c\u9b3c\u7ec8\u4e8e\u51b3\u5b9a\u8981\u8bf7\u4e00\u6b21\u5ba2\u4e86\u3002\u4ed6\u5728\u5411\u4e00\u4e2a\u670b\u53cb\u89e3\u91ca\u600e\u4e48\u627e\u5230\u4ed6\u5bb6\u65f6\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u4f60\u4e0a\u5230\u4e94\u697c\uff0c\u627e\u4e2d\u95f4\u90a3\u4e2a\u95e8\uff0c\u7136\u540e\u7528\u4f60\u7684\u80f3\u818a\u8098\u6309\u95e8\u94c3\u3002\u95e8\u5f00\u4e86\u4e4b\u540e\uff0c\u518d\u7528\u4f60\u7684\u811a\u628a\u95e8\u63a8\u5f00\u3002\u201d
\u201c\u4e3a\u4ec0\u4e48\u8981\u7528\u6211\u7684\u8098\u548c\u811a\u5462\uff1f\u201d
\u201c\u4f60\u7684\u53cc\u624b\u5f97\u62ff\u793c\u7269\u554a\u3002\u5929\u54ea\uff0c\u4f60\u603b\u4e0d\u4f1a\u7a7a\u7740\u624b\u6765\u5427\uff1f\u201d\u541d\u556c\u9b3c\u56de\u7b54
什么人不能住在房子里?
Key： snowman（雪人）
2．What never asks questions but gets a lot of answers?
什么东西永远不问问题但是却能得到很多答案?
Key： dictionary （字典）
3．What question can you never answer "Yes" to?
什么问题你永远也不能回答"是"
Key： Are you dead?（你死了吗?）
4、You have it．You read it．There're some pictures in it?
你拥有它，你可以阅读它，它有些图片在里面，它是什么?
Key： book（书）
5、A mouse has a large pocket． What is it?
一种鼠有一个大袋子，它是什么?
Key： a kangaroo（袋鼠）
6、It has a head ，but no neck．It has a body，but no warmth．NO feet，but can travel?
它有头，但没有脖子，有身体，但不温暖，没有脚，却能旅行。
Key： a car（汽车）
英语故事： A milkmaid was going to the market.She carried her milk in a pail on her head.
As she went along she began calculating what she would buy after she had sold the milk.
"I'll buy a new dress, and when i go to the ball,all the young men will dance with me!"
As she spoke she tossed her head back.the pail immediately fell off her head,and all the milk was spolt.
The girl went back without anything.she felt very sad."ah,my child,"said her mother.
"do not count your chickens before they are batched
送牛奶的女孩和她的桶
一个送牛乃的女孩去市场。她手里拎着一桶奶。
在她进去时候，她考虑到：卖了奶，她该买什么呢？
“我要买条新裙子，然后去参加误会，年轻的先生们将全和我跳舞。”
说着说着，她摇了摇头。提桶从手中打翻，牛奶全洒了。
女孩什么都没买就回去了。她觉得很沮丧。“啊，我的孩子，”她的妈妈说，“不要过于乐观。”
Answer;Oh,I know. It's a cat. 中文：它喜欢鱼．它能在夜晚捉住老鼠．它会爬树．它有两只黄色或蓝色的眼睛．这个用英语怎么说？回答：噢，我知道．
有时落在山腰，有时挂在树梢，有时像面圆镜，有时像把镰刀。 (猜自然物)
谜底：月亮
悬赏分为5，只能给回这么多了～
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