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\u505a\u4e2a\u6709\u94b1\u4eba
侯宝林大师的《抬杠》乙 今天这个节目啊，是相声。
甲 怎么着？你干什么？
乙 相声。
甲 相声？
乙 啊。
甲 相声这玩意儿怎么吃啊？
乙 怎么吃？
甲 啊。
乙 一半儿打卤，一半儿炸酱。
甲 好啊！好好。
乙 怎么样？
甲 给我来两碗。
乙 啊？两碗？
甲 啊。来两碗？
乙 相声啊，不论碗。
甲 噢，论斤。
乙 哎，也不论斤啊。
甲 嗯？
乙 相声是论段儿。
甲 论段儿？
乙 哎。
甲 那好，你给我来个中段儿。
乙 啊？
甲 不要头尾。
乙 噢，你这买鱼来啦？
甲 你不是说论段儿吗？
乙 相声它不是吃的。
甲 干吗的？
乙 是听的吗？
甲 听的？
乙 啊。
甲 怎么听？
乙 怎么你连听都不会啊？
甲 啊？
乙 拿耳朵听啊。
甲 拿耳朵听？
乙 啊。
甲 行啊，听它一回。
乙 你呀，你把手拿下来吧。
甲 啊？
乙 揪着耳朵这么听啊？知道你这是听相声的，不知道你这是瞧耳朵来了。
甲 你不是说听吗？
乙 随便这么就听了。
甲 随便听就行？
乙 哎。
甲 听完了，给我什么吃？预备什么了？
乙 这位跟吃干上了！听完了啊……
甲 啊。
乙 不给您什么吃。
甲 那干吗听啊？
乙 哎，还得跟您要钱呢。
甲 跟我要钱？
乙 哎。
甲 那行啊，要多少？
乙 这位倒是随便。有，您多给，没有 ，您少给。
甲 三块行不行？
乙 行啊。
甲 三块两块，你也干不了什么。来一百，来一百块行不行？
乙 一百？
甲 啊。
乙 那好啊。
甲 一百块，一百叫给你啊。找保人啊 ，找个保人。我是每天来取啊，是按月拿啊，是到时 候你给我送去？多少利息钱？
乙 你这儿放帐来啦？
甲 听相声有什么好处啊？
乙 哎，当然有好处啊。
甲 有好处？
乙 啊。
甲 可以免三灾去八难？虱子不叮，袼蚤不咬？
乙 就是有点儿啊，小好处。
甲 什么好处？
乙 听我们这个相声呢，您心里能痛快。心里这么一痛快呢，能够多增饮食，能够多吃两碗饭。
甲 听完了，我多吃两碗饭？
乙 哎。
甲 没米啊！
乙 那你奔去呀！
甲 这叫什么好处啊？
乙 就这么说吧。
甲 怎么说？
乙 你刚吃完了炖肉烙饼。
甲 什么味儿啊？
乙 这位是没吃呢。
甲 本来我没吃嘛！
乙 哎，没吃，也得说吃了。
甲 那我对得起肚子吗？
乙 说不到一块儿。
甲 你说你这什么好处啊？
乙 你呀，别言语。
甲 噢，我这儿打官司呢？
乙 打……
甲 你是那个审判员，我别言语，听你的？
乙 你听我说啊。
甲 噢，你先说，我是被告？
乙 这还是打官司来了。
甲 你说怎么个好处啊？你不说有好处吗？
乙 有好处啊。
甲 有什么好处？
乙 这么说吧，你心里啊，有点儿不痛快。
甲 我怎么不痛快啊？
乙 有点儿啊，不高兴。
甲 我为什么不高兴呢？
乙 就有点儿别扭。
甲 我跟谁别扭呢？
乙 你跟我别扭！
甲 你说啊，怎么个好处？我没听出来呀！
乙 就这么说吧。
甲 啊。
乙 你呀，短人家一百块钱。
甲 什么？
乙 你短人家一百块钱。
甲 你给借的？谁的保人哪？多少利息钱啊？你这都什么语啊？你这？我问问好处，短一百块钱，这不讹诈吗，这不？
乙 没这么挡子事！
甲 那你说它干吗？
乙 你不是不明白吗？
甲 我明白，钱没了！
乙 没人跟你要。
甲 要我也得给啊！
乙 咳！好嘛！你呀……
甲 啊。
乙 短人家一百块钱。
甲 短……
乙 你给不了人家。
甲 那我当初别借呀！
乙 对呀，你比我还明白哪！
甲 不是，你这好处怎么说出来的呀？
乙 慢慢来呀！
甲 啊。
乙 你短人家一百块钱。
甲 啊。
乙 人家跟你要，你心里起急啊。
甲 啊。
乙 从你家你就上我这儿来了。
甲 噢，你就替我还了。
乙 我呀？我替你还帐啊？
甲 那怎么个好处呢？
乙 来到我这儿了，您听我两段相声，我这么一说，你心里这么一痛快，这么一喜欢，你就把该人钱这碴儿啊，就忘了。
甲 噢，这我就听明白了。
乙 对了吧？
甲 比如我短人家一百块钱。
乙 哎。
甲 应该今儿给人家。
乙 哎。
甲 给不了，我心里着急啊。
乙 是啊。
甲 无精打采上您这儿来了。
乙 对。
甲 听您这相声我哈哈这么一乐。
乙 哎。
甲 把短钱这碴儿我给忘了。
乙 对了呀！
甲 我回家他还要。
乙 唉，那你得还人家呀！
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绛旓細瀛︾敓鐩稿０鍓ф湰锛氥婃牎鍥叮浜嬨嬬浉澹帮紝浣滀负涓浗鐨勪紶缁熻壓鏈舰寮忥紝浠ュ叾骞介粯璇欒皭銆佹満鏅哄簲瀵圭殑鐗圭偣娣卞彈浜轰滑鍠滅埍銆備笅闈紝鎴戝皢涓哄鐢熶滑鍒涗綔涓涓互鏍″洯鐢熸椿涓鸿儗鏅殑浜屼汉鐩稿０鍓ф湰锛屽笇鏈涜兘缁欏ぇ瀹跺甫鏉ユ涔愩傘愬満鏅細瀛︽牎鏁欏銆備袱浣嶈〃婕旇咃紝鐢插拰涔欙紝鍒嗗埆绔欏湪璁插彴涓や晶銆傘戠敳锛氾紙鐪嬬潃涔欙級鎴戣涔欏晩锛屼綘鏈杩戞庝箞鑰佹槸杩熷埌鍟婏紵...
绛旓細鍎跨鐩稿０銆婅皝鍘夊銆嬬敳锛氬惉璇翠綘鍠滄涓嬭薄妫 涔欙細娌￠敊 鐢诧細浣犵埜鐖镐篃鍠滄涓嬭薄妫嬨備箼锛氭槸鍟 鐢诧細鍙笉锛屼互鍓嶆垜鑰佸拰浣犵埜鐖镐笅妫嬨備箼锛氬 鐢诧細鏈変竴鍥炴垜鍜屼綘鐖哥埜涓嬫锛屼綘鐚滄垜浠皝鍘夊锛熶箼锛氭垜鐖哥埜涓嬭薄妫嬪ソ锛屽綋鐒舵垜鐖哥埜鍘夊 鐢诧細瀵癸紝鎴戝帀瀹 涔欙細浣犳庝箞鍘夊浜嗭紵鐢诧細浣犵埜鐖搁偅涔堝ぇ宀佹暟锛屽綋鐒惰鐫鎴,鎴戣繕鑰...
绛旓細鍙互鍊熺敤鐩稿０銆婃鍙嶈瘽銆鍓ф湰锛屽唴瀹瑰涓嬶細鐢诧細鐩稿０鏄竴闂ㄨ瑷鑹烘湳锛屼箼锛氬 鐢诧細鐩稿０婕斿憳璁茬┒鐨勬槸璇村閫楀敱锛岃繖鐩稿０婕斿憳鍟婏紒鏈鎿呴暱璇撮暱绗戣瘽锛岀煭绗戣瘽锛屼繌鐨瘽锛屽弽姝ｈ瘽銆備箼锛氳繖鏄浉澹版紨鍛樼殑鍩烘湰鍔熷晩 鐢诧細鐩稿０ 婕斿憳鍟婏紝鑴戝瓙寰楄仾鏄庛傜伒鏈轰竴鍔ㄩ┈涓婇氳繃鍢村氨瑕佽鍑烘潵锛屼箼锛氬瀵瑰瀵 鐢诧細鍢寸毊瀛愪篃瑕佸埄绱 涔欙細...
绛旓細涔欙細杩欐槸鐩稿０婕斿憳鐨勫熀鏈姛鍟娿3. 鐢诧細鐩稿０婕斿憳鍟婏紝鑴戝瓙寰楄仾鏄庛傜伒鏈轰竴鍔ㄩ┈涓婇氳繃鍢村氨瑕佽鍑烘潵銆備箼锛氬瀵瑰瀵广4. 鐢诧細鍢寸毊瀛愪篃瑕佸埄绱備箼锛氭槸鍟娿5. 鐢诧細鍍忔偍杩欎釜銆備箼锛氭垜鐗瑰埆鍚堥傘6. 鐢诧細浠涔堝悎閫傚晩锛岃繖鍢村攪锛屽儚闉嬩綆瀛愪技鐨勶紒涔欙細鏈夐偅涔堝帤鍢村攪瀛愬悧锛7. 鐢诧細鍍忎綘杩欏槾璇寸浉澹涓嶅悎閫傦紝澶х煡...
绛旓細鐩稿０鑹烘湳婧愪簬鍗庡寳锛屾祦琛屼簬浜触鍐锛屾櫘鍙婁簬鍏ㄥ浗鍙婃捣鍐呭锛屽浜庢槑娓咃紝鐩涗簬褰撲唬銆備富瑕侀噰鐢ㄥ彛澶存柟寮忚〃婕斻備富瑕侀亾鍏锋湁鎶樻墖銆佹墜缁侀啋鏈ㄣ傝〃婕斿舰寮忔湁鍗曞彛鐩稿０銆佸鍙ｇ浉澹般佺兢鍙ｇ浉澹扮瓑锛屾槸鎵庢牴浜庢皯闂淬佹簮浜庣敓娲汇佸張娣卞彈缇や紬娆㈣繋鐨勬洸鑹鸿〃婕旇壓鏈舰寮忋傘婂惞鐗涗笘瀹躲嬭杩颁簡鐩稿０鑹烘湳锛屾簮杩滄祦闀匡紝鍘嗗彶鎮犱箙锛屾槸涓崕姘戞棌浼犵粺鑹烘湳...
绛旓細鏍″洯鐩稿０鈥斺斻婃牎鍥嬬敳锛氫翰鐖辩殑鍚屽浠紝鎴戞兂姝讳綘浠簡銆備箼锛氬厛鍚戝ぇ瀹朵綔涓涓嬩粙缁嶃傜敳锛氭垜鍙帇杩堣揪銆備箼锛氭垜鍙粍鏄犵繑銆傜敳锛歽b锛屼綘鏄柊鐢熷惂锛屼互鍚庢湁浠涔堥渶瑕佹垜甯繖鐨勫敖绠¤锛屽闀挎垜涓瀹氫細灏藉姏鑰屼负鐨勩備箼锛氬摝锛屼竴瀹氫竴瀹氥傝佸ぇ锛屼綘鎴愮哗濂藉悧锛熺敳锛氶┈椹箮涔庛備箼锛氶偅浣犳垚缁╀负浠涔堣繖涔堝ソ鍛紵鐢诧細鍥犱负鎴戞槸浠...
绛旓細1. 鍦烘櫙璁惧畾锛氬鏍＄殑鍏冩棪鏅氫細鐜板満锛岃垶鍙颁笂瑁呴グ鐫褰╃伅鍜屾皵鐞冿紝涓や綅涓瀛︾敓鐩稿０婕斿憳绔欏湪鑸炲彴涓ぎ锛屽噯澶囦负瑙備紬甯﹀幓娆箰銆2. 瑙掕壊璁惧畾锛- 鐢诧細涓涓椿娉煎ソ鍔ㄣ佸枩娆㈡悶绗戠殑涓鐢熴- 涔欙細涓涓矇绋冲唴鏁涖佸杽浜庡悙妲界殑涓鐢熴3. 鍓ф湰鍐呭锛氱敳锛氾紙鍏村鍦帮級涔欏晩锛屼綘鐭ラ亾浠婂ぉ鏄粈涔堟棩瀛愬悧锛熶箼锛氾紙娣″畾鍦帮級浠婂ぉ鏄...
绛旓細鐢诧細鍓嶄簺鏃ュ瓙锛屽幙閲屾淳浜嗕釜妫鏌ュ洟鍒颁笅闈㈠幓楠屾敹灏忓悍鏉戯紝妫鏌ュ洟鎬诲叡涓や釜浜锛屾垜娣疯繘鍘讳簡銆備箼锛氬氨淇╀粊浣犻兘娣疯繘鍘讳簡 鐢诧細杩欎綘涓嶆噦鍚 涔欙細鍟 鐢诧細涓婇潰鏄淳淇╀釜浜轰笅鏉ワ紝涓嬮潰闄粬浠殑杩炴垜涓璧54涓汉 涔欙細涓鍓墤鍏嬬墝 鐢诧細娴╂旦鑽¤崱姹借溅涓夎締锛屽墠闈袱杈嗗皬姹借溅寮璺紝鎴戜滑50澶氫釜浜烘尋鍦ㄥ悗闈㈠崱杞︿笂 涔欙細涓嶆...
绛旓細涔欙細杩欐槸鐩稿０婕斿憳鐨勫熀鏈姛鍟 鐢诧細鐩稿０ 婕斿憳鍟婏紝鑴戝瓙寰楄仾鏄庛傜伒鏈轰竴鍔ㄩ┈涓婇氳繃鍢村氨瑕佽鍑烘潵锛屼箼锛氬瀵瑰瀵 鐢诧細鍢寸毊瀛愪篃瑕佸埄绱 涔欙細鏄晩 鐢诧細鍍忔偍杩欎釜 涔欙細鎴戠壒鍒悎閫 鐢诧細浠涔堝悎閫傚晩锛岃繖鍢村攪锛屽儚闉嬩綆瀛愪技鐨勶紒涔欙細鏈夐偅涔堝帤鍢村攪瀛愬悧锛熺敳锛氬儚浣犺繖鍢璇寸浉澹涓嶅悎閫傦紝涔欙細璋佷笉鍚堥傚晩锛屽憡璇変綘锛岃剳琚...
