新托福独立写作，求大牛大神详细批改,关键是语法错误~100分酬谢！最好给个分数，不用留面子！按实际给~ 新托福独立写作求大牛详细批改，重金酬谢！，万分感谢
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\u9898\u76ee\uff1aDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Currently, a controversial issue over whether technology has made children less creative has been brought into THE spotlight. Everybody has his own answers. Some advocates hold that highly advanced technology is essentially helpful to arousing the curiosity WITHIN children while opponents cast doubt on it. In my viewpoint, the development of technology absolutely has made children more creative. AND IT IS based on three reasons.
First and foremost, technology has helped people EARN more money and HAVE A easier life, so that children ARE ENABLED TO spend more time ON THINKING AND CREATING NEW IDEAS CONSTANTLY. For example, when my father was young, he had to work with my grandfather all day to SUPPORT the whole family. Obviously, there was no choice for him to go to school and learn more knowledge necessary for CREATING THINGS. ON THE CONTRARY, children TODAY apparently have enough time TO SPARE. In this sense, THE ADVANCING in technology can assist children IN becomING more creative.
SECOND, technology developmentS help children ACQUIRE information MORE conveniently VIA THE MEANS OF internet and new IT devices. A survey was conducted by sociologists from Reuters last year aiming to find out ABOUT THE POPULARITY OF computers. The data COLLECTED from THE interviews and questionnaires suggests that more than 70% OF families have their own computerS, and 35% have got two or more OF THEM. The RESULTS SHOW that more and more people ARE startTING to use new technologIES to GAIN information, which IN TURN help children obtain A BROADER span of knowledge easily TO MAKE THEM MORE creative.
Finally, the development of technology has equipped our children with more healthY AND MORE ROBUST bodies and brains. WhenEVER they get sick, they can just go to the hospitals and get effective MEDICINES OR OPERATIONS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Their brains can work EFFICIENTLY NOW because the effective nutrition supplIES MAKE their mind more active.
Take account of all the factors discussed above. I TEND to believe technology has made children more creative, DESPITE TE FACT THAT there might BE SOME minor side EFFECTS. I think my conclusion is based on a careful ANALYSIS of children\u2019s life qualities,information channels and physical health. Believe it or not, it's highly possible that children will be more creative than us in the future.
首先是思路不清。
As the technology advanced, more and more childrenstart to play computer games, and most of parents are concerned about this fact.They believe playing computer games is a waste of time. Is that true? My answeris no. In my viewpoint, playing computer games could somehow benefit kids. Itis based on three reasons.
科技进步，少年玩游戏，家长担心。他们认为玩游戏浪费时间。真的吗？我的答案是不。玩游戏有益儿童，原因有三。
就这段话来看，有益儿童与浪费时间并不对应，不构成很好的反驳理由。如果你要说的具体，应该说，家长认为玩游戏浪费时间。但是你认为时间并没有浪费。因为在这个过程中，小孩儿可以如何如何。这里，只是题中一问。还有一问是，要不要允许孩子玩游戏。这里没有回答。
第一句话什么意思，科技进步了，越来越多的孩子玩游戏。科技进步是不是孩子玩游戏的原因与本文没有关系。
我的意思是，您还是先写中文。完全顺了再想英文的事。
至于语法，错误有一些，不是太大问题。句子结构偏单一了一点。
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