cull your friendship
正文Do you need a friendship cull? How having fewer friends makes a happier you
你需要清理交友圈吗？拥有更少的朋友是如何让你变得更快乐的？
Annette, 34, had recently become a mother, 'Living in London, I'd acquired lots of friends but often they wouldn't contact me unless it fitted with their lives. I was always making the effort, but wasn't getting much back. With everything else going on, I couldn't do that any more.'***
34 岁的安妮特不久前生下了宝宝，“居住在伦敦，我结交了很多朋友，但是通常来说，他们不会联系我，除非这不会打乱他们的生活计划。我总是在付出努力，但是并没有得到太多回报。而后来，有那么多其他的事情发生，我无法再这样继续下去。”
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Culling her friendships was, she says, an organic process. 'I started saying I was busy if people asked me to meet up. I think they still probably haven't noticed I've disappeared…'
她说，筛选朋友是一个渐进的过程。“从那时起，如果有人要和我见面的话，我会告诉他们我很忙。我觉得他们可能到现在都还没有注意到我已经消失了……”
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She now has two very close friends — her oldest ones, Harriet and Amelia. 'They're real friends. Making a change was scary, but nurturing true friendships has had a hugely positive impact on my mental health.'
她现在有两位非常亲密的朋友——也是她相识最久的两位，哈丽特和阿米莉亚。“她们是我真正的朋友。虽然做出改变非常让人害怕，但是用心经营真正的友谊，给我的精神健康带来了很多积极的影响。”
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The desire to have a big group when you're younger is normal, says psychotherapist Diana Parkinson. 'It's about fitting in, validation, popularity — if we're in a group, we're safer.' But as we age, she explains, we create a carefully curated tribe — and often the trigger for reducing that group is a major life event.
当我们更加年少的时候，渴望能有一大群朋友是很正常的，心理治疗师戴安娜·帕金森说道。“这是为了融入、被认可、受欢迎——如果我们在一个群体中，我们会（觉得）更加安全。”但是随着年岁渐长，她解释道，我们会建立一个精挑细选的朋友圈——而通常来说，引发人们缩减朋友圈规模的原因往往是一件人生大事。
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Having more than five good friends is uncommon, according to research by psychologist Robin Dunbar. He found that most of us interact repeatedly with the same five friends, because our brains are not evolved enough to cope with more close ties.
根据心理学家罗宾·邓巴的研究，一个人拥有超过五位好友是罕见的。他发现我们中大多数的人都反复与同样的五个人互动，因为我们的大脑没有进化到能够处理更多亲密联系的程度。
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Parkinson advises that it may seem a wrench to let go of people who've been in your life for years, but points out that often we call them friendships and they're not. 'They are acquaintance-ships that were useful at the time… But the real friends [that remain] are more precious than jewels — they are the ones you need to keep.'
帕金森建议说，舍弃一些曾经在你的生命中陪伴你数年的人，可能看起来有些痛苦，但是她也指出，很多时候，我们把我们与这些人的关系称为友谊，但它们其实并不是。“这些关系只是在当时来说有用的泛泛交情……但是（那些留下来的）真正的朋友比珠宝更珍贵——他们才是我们需要留住的那些人。”
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主编：Pita
品控：Daniel
审核：Jack
重点词汇
cull
/kʌl/
n. 删除好友；（为减少或限制数量而对动物）选择性宰杀
搭配短语：a Facebook cull
词性拓展：cull (v.)
例句：I culled him from my friends list.
acquire
/əˈkwaɪɚ/
v. 获得；习得
搭配短语：acquire knowledge
搭配短语：acquire a language
fit with
适合
相关词汇：fit
例句：These trousers don't fit me anymore.
同义词：fit
例句：The rhythm should fit the meaning of a poem.
organic
/ɔːrˈɡæn.ɪk/
adj. 自然的，逐渐的；有机的
搭配短语：organic fruit and vegetables
英文释义：naturally and gradually
meet up
见面，会面
同义词：meet
nurture
/ˈnɝː.tʃɚ/
v. 呵护，养育
英文释义：care for sth. while it is growing and developing
搭配短语：nurture children
have an impact on
对……产生影响
相关词汇：impact
近义词：effect
搭配短语：A has an impact on B
例句：Small things could have an impact on our life.
psychotherapist
/ˌsaɪ.kəˈθer.ə.pɪst/
n. 心理治疗师
词根词缀：psycho-（mental，心理的）
派生词：psychology
相关词汇：therapist
相关词汇：therapy
近义词：treatment
派生词：aromatherapy
文化补充：psychotherapist 和心理医生 psychiatrist 的区别在于，前者泛指所有参与到了与心理健康工作有关的人，其中就包括了 psychiatrist，而心理学家 psychologist 也可以被称为是 psychotherapist，此外社工 social worker 也可以算作是心理治疗师。
fit in
融入
例句：He fitted in with his new colleagues.
validation
/ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/
n. 认可
相关词汇：valid（adj. 有效的；认可的）
搭配短语：a valid passport
相关词汇：validate（v. 使某事得到认可）
例句：The Academy Awards validate his career.
popularity
/ˌpɑː.pjəˈler.ə.t̬i/
n. 受人欢迎的状态
相关词汇：popular
curate
/ˈkjʊr.eɪt/
v. 选定（参展的展品）；组织，选定（参加音乐节的节目）
英文释义：select and organize
例句：The festival was curated by him.
tribe
/traɪb/
n.（兴趣相同的）一群人；部落
搭配短语：an Indian tribe
trigger
/ˈtrɪɡ.ɚ/
n. 起因，诱因；扳机
例句：He pulled the trigger.
词性拓展：trigger（v. 引发）
例句：Often, reducing that group is triggered by sth.
evolve
/ɪˈvɑːlv/
v. 进化
相关词汇：evolution（n. 进化）
搭配短语：Darwin's theory of evolution
cope with
成功应对（困难的事情）
相关词汇：cope
例句：I can't cope.
例句：I can't cope with stress.
wrench
/rentʃ/
n.（离别带来的）痛苦，伤感；扭
搭配短语：a wrench
例句：Leaving her was such a wrench.
let go of
放手，放弃
同义词：let go
搭配短语：let it go
acquaintance-ship
/əˈkweɪn.təns.ʃɪp/
n. 泛泛的交情
相关词汇：acquaintance
词根词缀：-ship（表示状态）
派生词：friendship
英文释义：a slight friendship
precious
/ˈpreʃ.əs/
adj. 珍贵的，宝贵的
搭配短语：my precious
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