赵本山小品-新编大忽悠的台词 赵本山小品台词

\u6c42\u8d75\u672c\u5c71\u5c0f\u54c1\u53f0\u8bcd\uff0c\uff0c\uff0c\uff0c\uff0c\u8981\u6c42\u8be6\u7ec6

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\u5f92\u5f1f1\uff1a\u5e08\u5085\uff0c\u8fdb\u53bb\u5427\uff01
\u8d75\uff1a\u522b\u7740\u6025\uff0c\u5148\u62e8\u4e2a\u9a9a\u6270\u7535\u8bdd\u3002\uff08\u6253\u7535\u8bdd\uff09\u901a\u4e86\u3002\u4f60\u597d\uff01
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\u8303\uff1a\u4f60\u662f\u54ea\u4f4d\uff1f
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\u8303\uff1a\u6069\uff0c\u4f60\u8bf4\u3002
\u8d75\uff1a\u6211\u5bb6\u6709\u4e00\u5934\u8001\u6bcd\u732a\u554a\uff0c\u9ed1\u5730\u767d\u82b1\u7684\u554a\uff0c\u65e9\u6668\u4e00\u8d77\u6765\u6253\u5f00\u5bb6\u95e8\u4ee5\u6bcf\u5c0f\u65f680\u8109\u7684\u901f\u5ea6\u5411\u524d\u75af\u8dd1\uff0c\u201c\u54d0\u7800\u201d\u649e\u6811\u4e0a\uff0c\u6b7b\u4e86\uff01
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\u8d75\uff1a\u4fe9\u773c\u775b\u90fd\u662f1.5\u7684\u3002
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\u8d75\uff1a\u5fc3\u7406\u53ef\u5065\u5eb7\u5462!
\u8303\uff1a\u90a3\u600e\u4e48\u4f1a\u649e\u6b7b\u5462\uff1f
\u8d75\uff1a\u90a3\u5934\u732a\u8111\u7b4b\u4e0d\u4f1a\u6025\u8f6c\u5f2f\u5457\uff01
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\u8d75\uff1a\u4f60\u8bf4\u3002
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\u5f92\u5f1f1\uff1a\u5148\u6740\u9a74\u3002
\u8d75\uff1a\u5148\u6740\u9a74\u3002
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\u8303\uff1a\u5ffd\u60a0\uff01
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\u8303\uff1a\u63a5\u7740\u5ffd\u60a0\uff01
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[\u9ed1\u571f]\u662f\u554a\uff0c\u8fc7\u53bb\u4f60\u90a3\u5f20\u8138\u5c31\u54ed\u7b11\u4e0d\u5f97\u7684\uff0c\u73b0\u5728\u8ddf\u7d27\u6025\u96c6\u5408\u7684\u4f3c\u7684\u3002
[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u4ed6\u4eec\u94c1\u5cad\u8fd8\u8fd9\u4e48\u5938\u4eba\u5462\u3002\u81ea:
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[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u54ce\u54df\uff0c\u5927\u5988\u8fd9\u300a\u6708\u5b50\u300b\u90fd\u51fa\u7248\u4e86\u3002
[\u767d\u4e91]\u770b\u6249\u9875\u3002
[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u54ce\u3002
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[\u9ed1\u571f]\u770b\u6249\u9762\u513f\u3002
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[\u9ed1\u571f]\u6211\u6cbe\u6795\u5934\u5c31\u7740\uff0c\u547c\u547c\u7684\u3002
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[\u767d\u4e91]\u6ca1\u8bf4\u4f60\u3002
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[\u9ed1\u571f]\u51d1\u5408\u8fc7\u5457\uff0c\u8fd8\u80fd\u79bb\u548b\u7684\uff1f
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[\u767d\u4e91]\u7ed9\u4ed6\u6263\u4e0a\u3002
[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u6765\uff0c\u6234\u4e0a\u3002
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[\u767d\u4e91]\u4ffa\u4eec\u2026\u2026\u642d\u4e13\u673a\u6765\u7684\u3002
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[\u767d\u4e91]\u9519\uff01\u8c82\u7ed2\u3002
[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u7279\u522b\u8d35\u5427\uff1f
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[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u90a3\u6211\u518d\u95ee\u95ee\u5927\u53d4\uff1f
[\u767d\u4e91]\u884c\u3002
[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u60a8\u542c\u542c\u97f3\u4e50\u3002
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[\u767d\u4e91]\u4e66\u554a\uff1f
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[\u767d\u4e91]\u7b7e\u5b57\u552e\u4e66\u554a\uff1f
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[\u9ed1\u571f]\u6ca1\u7b7e\u5b57\u552e\u4e66\u554a\u3002
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[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u5927\u5988\uff0c\u628a\u8033\u673a\u7ed9\u6211\u5427\u3002
[\u767d\u4e91]\u667a\u5546\u76f8\u5f53\u9ad8\u3002
[\u9ed1\u571f]\u5bf9\u3002
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[\u767d\u4e91]\u662f\uff01
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[\u9ed1\u571f]\u90a3\u4f60\u6ca1\u529e\u6cd5\uff0c\u4ed6\u90a3\u73a9\u610f\u513f\u7ed9\u6263\u4f4f\u4e86\u3002\u8fd9\u5b69\u5b50\u5b66\u574f\u4e86\u5462\uff01\u6211\u8bf4\u4ed6\u4e24\u53e5\u513f\u53bb\u3002\u5c0f\u5d14\u5440\u3002
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[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u554a\uff0c\u8c22\u8c22\u554a\uff01
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[\u9ed1\u571f]\u4f60\u4e0d\u4e0d\u8ba9\u8bf4\u8bdd\u5417\uff1f\uff01
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[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u54ce\uff08\u6458\u8033\u673a\uff09\u3002
[\u767d\u4e91]\u54b1\u63a5\u7740\u5520\u3002
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[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u554a\uff1f
[\u767d\u4e91]\u55ef\uff1f
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[\u767d\u4e91]\u554a\uff0c\u4ed6\u80c3\u75bc\u3002\u8bf4\u4f60\u80c3\u75bc\u5462\u3002
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[\u9ed1\u571f]\u771f\u7684\u3002
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[\u9ed1\u571f]\u80fd\u3002
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[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u51fa\u573a\u8d39\u4e5f\u4e0d\u5c11\u5427\uff1f
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[\u9ed1\u571f]\u6211\u80fd\u618b\u75af\u3002
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[\u9ed1\u571f]\u8bf4\u70b9\u513f\u5b9e\u8bdd\u2026\u2026
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[\u767d\u4e91]\u55ef\u3002
[\u9ed1\u571f]\u8bb2\u4e00\u5929\u4e00\u5bbf\u3002
[\u767d\u4e91]\u600e\u4e48\u7684\uff0c\u7cbe\u795e\u75c5\u90fd\u51fa\u9662\u4e86\u3002
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[\u9ed1\u571f]\u5927\u592b\u75af\u4e86\u3002
[\u767d\u4e91]\u54ea\u5927\u592b\u75af\u4e86\uff0c\u6211\u95ee\u4f60\uff1f
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[\u767d\u4e91]\u54ea\u5d14\u5927\u592b\uff1f\uff01
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[\u767d\u4e91]\u55ef\u3002
[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u6211\u542c\u8bf4\u60a8\u90a3\u4e2a\u300a\u6708\u5b50\u2161\u300b\u6b63\u5728\u521b\u4f5c\u5f53\u4e2d\u3002
[\u767d\u4e91]\u8fd8\u6709\u5341\u4e07\u591a\u5b57\u5c31\u622a\u7a3f\u513f\u4e86\u3002
[\u9ed1\u571f]\u54ce\u5440\u5988\u5440~~~~
[\u767d\u4e91]\u600e\u4e48\u7684\uff1f\uff01
[\u9ed1\u571f]\u80c3\u75bc\u3002
[\u767d\u4e91]\u5fcd\u7740\uff01\uff01\uff08\u5411\u5d14\u6c38\u5143\uff09\u4f60\u95ee\uff01\uff01
[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u54ce\u54df\uff01\uff08\u4e66\u6389\u5730\u4e0a\uff09
[\u767d\u4e91]\u95ee\u5427\uff0c\u5d14\u3002\u4f60\u63a5\u7740\u95ee\u3002
[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u6211\u542c\u8bf4\uff0c\u90a3\u4e2a\uff0c\u8bfb\u8005\u7279\u522b\u671f\u5f85\uff1f
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[\u9ed1\u571f]\u90a3\uff0c\u8fd9\u8bdd\u662f\u771f\u7684\u3002\u90a3\u618b\u5f97\u662f\u201c\u76f8\u5f53\u201d\u96be\u53d7\u554a\uff01\u90a3\u6751\u957f\u554a\uff0c\u5c31\u4e0a\u4ffa\u5bb6\u5c31\u5835\u7740\u95e8\u513f\u5c31\u544a\u8bc9\u4f60\uff1a\u201c\u522b\u8ba9\u4f60\u5ab3\u5987\u513f\u9065\u54ea\u4e71\u8d70\u4e86\uff0c\u8d76\u7d27\u5199\u300a\u6708\u5b50\u2161\u300b\u5427\uff0c\u6751\u5934\u5395\u6240\u53ef\u6ca1\u7eb8\u4e86\u3002\u201d
[\u767d\u4e91]\u5c0f\u5d14\uff0c\u6211\u6073\u8bf7\u4f60\u4eec\u4e2d\u592e\u7535\u89c6\u53f0\u5c01\u6740\u6211\uff0c\u8d70\u4e86\uff0c\u4e0d\u5f55\u4e86\u3002
[\u5d14\u6c38\u5143]\u54ce\uff0c\u5927\u5988\u600e\u4e48\u53c8\u8d70\u4e86\uff1f
[\u9ed1\u571f]\u5e72\u5565\u5462\uff1f

范（单人上场）：干吗那 这是起啥哄啊 这是 人家都倒霉成这样了 大家怎么还幸灾乐祸那 还怎么倒霉 这二年我让哪个赵大忽悠把我忽悠毁了 前年把我忽悠瘸了 去年又把我这智商忽悠颞了整的我现在都不敢上街了 怎么地镊 一上街 后边人就窃窃私语 这不是哪个人吗 谁啊 脑袋大 脖子粗 不是大款是伙夫 一听这话 我调头就回去了 我一回去 后边人又喊上了 别回去啊 出来走两步 哎呀 就连卖菜的哪个菜农都耍笑我 哪天我去买茄子去 我问哪个茄子多少钱一斤 他说是七毛钱一斤 我说二斤是不是一块四啊 他上去就把握手抓住了 恭喜你你都会强答了 没法整 没法生活了 真地 压力太大了 但是 今天不一样 咱们辽宁体育馆这么多人 也好 对我是这么的友好 这么礼貌 给我全是微笑 比那些人素质高多了 我就纳闷了 同样是生活在咱们沈阳的老百姓做人的差距怎么是那么大呢 啥也别说了 朋友们 缘分啊 谢谢啊 太好了 要说我们大伙…..哎赵（面带微笑上场）：好了 在这儿 说啥那 啊范：哪个人都说了 你忽悠 你接着忽悠 我好了 我能小跑啦 我能大跳 你要是给我加个膀子我能飞 你信不信 你信不信 我能飞 赵：看见没 大发了 我绝对不忽悠你 我现在绝对是学好啦 范：你学好啦 赵：我信佛啦 范：你又忽悠释加摩妮去啦 是不是 信佛那 还赵：咱俩这个些年 这么好 我能忽悠你吗 你想 你太配合我啦范（看着赵）：啊赵：我说卖拐 你当时就瘸了 我说买车 你当时就颞了 今年我要是买担架 你就可能要与世隔绝了范；你拿我当傻子那 你 赵；傻 并不是你的本意 只是上帝对你发了点脾气 请你勇敢的活下去 只有你的存在 才能现的我大忽悠的聪明伶俐啊范：我告诉你大忽悠 我要严肃的告诉你谁病谁傻 对不对 自从你把我忽悠到轮椅上去以后 这半年我没干啥 我们一家三口就研究脑筋急转弯了赵：好范：今天我要精选三个脑筋急转弯 也把你忽悠傻了你信不信 朋友们 给我点掌声赵；请出题范：说赵：说范：远看无线电 近看无线电 无线电是无电线 就是听不见 怎么回事 赵：停电 没插插销 废品 说范：说 远看是条狗 近看是条狗 打它不走 骂它不走 一拉就走赵：死狗 恩 怎么样范：哦赵：说范：说 说远看是小孩 近看日历牌 又像小孩 又像日历牌赵：小孩手里拿者日历牌 给你来几道题范；请出题赵；请接第一题NO.1 一位先生在家里 拿出笔 化…..写几个字 拿出去一看值三万为什么范：因为他是个书法家赵：错 他是个会计 开了一张支票范：你….你再来一个赵：请听第二题 范：说赵：NO.2 一只蜗牛从海南到新疆只用了一分钟 请问它怎么 用什么方法去的范：它是坐火箭去的赵：错 它是在地图上爬过去的 请接第三题范：说赵：NO.3 王大娘家的房子年旧失修 经常漏雨 可是前天漏雨 昨天就没漏雨 为什么范：因为她把房子修好啦赵：错 昨天晴天 没下雨范：你…你再来 你再来赵：再来范：你来赵：好 请接题 有一种官 他一分钱不挣 而且还任劳任怨 非常高兴 请问这是什么官范：是廉正的官赵：不是 新郎官范：这赵：请听第四题 范：说说…赵：NO.5 范：说赵：哼 坐过火车吗范；坐过赵：好 这是一个常识 从沈阳到铁岭 火车需要开一个小时 行驶在一半的时间 火车应该在哪儿范：应该在新城的左右赵：错 火车在铁轨上 这样吧 简单点的 刺啦 什么范：刺啦赵：刺啦 化火柴 范：啊 你来 赵：刺啦范：化火柴赵：摊煎饼 刺啦范：化火柴 摊煎饼赵：裤裆开了 怎么样 哈哈…..范：你还有吗 你再整一个你再整一个赵：这样吧范：说赵： 给你来一道最简单的 把你的手指伸出来 前边是一道水泥墙 猛劲向上一戳 就是一个字范：念点赵：不对 念疼范：怎么念疼呢赵：就这么一戳 就你那虎劲它能不疼吗范：你再来赵：请问再戳三下 念啥范：念疼赵：不对 念唬范：啊赵：疼那样 你还戳干啥 你不唬吗赵：再戳六下 什么玩意范：念疼 念唬赵：念折 整折了再考个字范：说赵：三横一竖 念个啥 范：念王赵：加个点 范：念玉赵：加一个圈 范：念 国赵：加十个点 范：不念字赵：王麻子 还出吗范：你再来赵：一个门 里面装个人 念啥范：念闪赵：装五个人 范：不念字赵：念挤范：怎么念挤那 赵：五个人都挤门里了能不挤吗范：你再…再来一个赵：还用来吗范：说赵：小样 不说啦 范：不说啦 我给你出怎么样 一横一横一竖一竖念什么赵：念井范：里面加个人那赵：不对 没有范：加个人 不念字 赵：念啥范：念瞎 挺大个人掉井里 你说他能不瞎啊 哈哈..就这个

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