适合中学生演的双口相声（关于立志的）急！ 求适合中学生表演的相声段子
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相声：《少年立志》作者：张新东甲：你好啊！乙：你好。甲：好久不见十分想念，今日一见有个打算，不知能否赏个脸面，我想请你吃个便饭。乙：还一套一套的，有什么事直接说，别绕弯子。甲：我是来给你告别的。乙：告别？甲：我要当兵去啦！乙：真的？甲：（郑重其事的）飞行兵！乙：飞行……兵！头回听说有个飞行兵？甲：空军知道吗？乙：这么个飞行兵啊？甲：高兴吧？羡慕吧？嫉妒吧？眼红吧？绿了吧？乙：什么乱七八糟的。甲：我终于实现了儿时的梦想。乙：看来你是少年立志啊！甲：那当然，小的时候我就表现出飞行的天赋。乙：是啊？甲：为了逮麻雀，我只身一人爬上五米高的白杨树，在我即将捕获小麻雀时，脚下不慎一滑，我是腾空……。乙：而起？甲：吧唧,摔地上了。乙：好家伙，多危险啊！甲：刚开始我象一只蝴蝶翩翩飘落，而后象一颗手雷急速下降直奔我家猪圈而去。乙：瞧你选的这地方。甲：平稳降落是来不及了，只能紧急迫降了。乙：快喊救命吧。甲：当时我两腿一挺，两眼一瞪，双手向外一展，就听哎哟扑通。乙：紧急迫降宣告成功。甲：刚好掉在猪圈正中。乙：呵！甲：跟耶酥似的，就差十字架了。乙：快上来啊。甲：大人们赶紧把我捞出猪圈“（倒口）这孩子，你以为你开着飞机呢，还把俩胳膊架开”乙：没摔着就不错了。甲：（学小孩着急：倒口）我要开飞机……乙：开飞机？甲：（倒口）我就要开飞机……乙：为什么啊？甲：（倒口）逮鸟儿。乙：嗨！就为这个呀？甲：从那时起我就立志当一名飞机驾驶员。乙：那可不是你想当就能当的。甲：没什么了不起，从小学我就开始研究飞机的飞行原理。乙：就为了开飞机？甲：首先从制造飞机开始。乙：好吗！越说越玄了。甲：一学期没结束，我就把课本给……乙：学透了？甲：撕光了。乙：撕光了？甲：都叠了飞机了。乙：好吗。甲：有这样的，有那样的。（动作）乙：你这叫不务正业。 甲：造自己的飞机让别人说去吧，我不会放弃我的追求和梦想。乙：你是不撞南墙不调头，不见棺材不落泪。甲：我打算用我的‘永久’自行车改装一架半自动飞机。乙：什么叫半自动飞机啊？甲：我穿一件大个的蝙蝠衫，给自行车链条多上点儿油，找个下坡，将滑行的速度提高到最大极限，一边骑一边呼扇这俩大袖子。乙：能飞多远？甲：那要看下坡的角度了，坡一点飞的就近，陡一点飞的就远。乙：哦！那你执行过几次飞行任务呢？甲：试飞过一次然后我的半自动飞行器就退役了。乙：为什么？甲：有一次放学回家，经过学校门口的下坡时，我对我的研究成果进行了一次实践操作。乙：说说看。甲：我以每小时六十公里以上的速度冲下陡坡，呼扇着蝙蝠衫的机翼，由于速度太快，方向失灵直奔马路边的水库而去。乙：赶紧刹车啊！甲：刹车是来不及了，我的飞行器已经越过护拦腾空而起。乙：下面可是五米高的大桥，桥下可是有水。甲：甭管怎么说我飞起来了，当时我是忽忽悠悠，飘飘摇摇，我想起一首动听的歌曲。乙：还有功夫唱歌呢？甲：“（唱）我爱祖国的蓝天，白云……”乙：呵！甲：我和我的半自动飞机以十分怪诞的姿势掉进水库，嘿嘿……。乙：为什么？甲：我的半自动飞行器变成“红色警戒”里的水陆两用气垫船了。乙：这还美呢？甲：几次实验的失败使我想起孔圣人的一句名言。乙：什么名言？甲：（倒口）“没吃过猪肉还没见过猪跑吗”乙：就这个呀？甲：所以我把实现梦想的计划转移到参军这条路上了。乙：能行吗？甲：那天，招兵的首长一到我们村，我是第一个报名体检。乙：你到是很积极。甲：“报告首长，我想当空军。”乙：就是开飞机。甲：为什么想开飞机啊？乙：（嘲讽的：倒口）逮鸟儿。甲：有你什么事啊。有什么特长啊？乙：腿特长。甲：我……会游泳。乙：还会扎猛子！甲：报告首长，为了能当上空军我作好了充分的准备。乙：都有什么准备？甲：首先我练就了强健的体魄，矫捷的动作。乙：这是最基本的。 甲：看我这一身疙瘩。乙：练的？甲：摔的。乙：摔的？甲：前几天爬树摔的。乙：爬树干吗啊？甲：我想在当兵以前体验一下小鸟飞行的动作，好为将来当好飞行员打基础。乙：结果呢？甲：脑袋到是没开花，也没摔成大马趴，首长你也看到啦，（不好意思）摔了一身大疙瘩。乙：该！甲：我能徒手爬树说明我开飞机不晕高。乙：你要是只为开飞机而当兵恐怕不行。甲：造飞机我也会。乙：造飞机更不可能了。甲：擦飞机行吗？乙：擦飞机啊……甲：给飞机站岗都行。乙：怎么改给飞机站岗了？甲：你不懂，只要能让我当上空军天天跟飞机打交道，就不信没机会开飞机乙：就惦记开飞机了。甲：小伙子，你可别小看了擦飞机这个专业啊。乙：擦飞机也不简单啊。甲：不就是擦飞机吗，拖拉机我都能擦，不过飞机个头大点就是了，架不住多擦会儿呗！乙：擦飞机啊？夏天一身汗，冬天一手冰。你行吗？甲：那我给飞机站岗。乙：你以为警卫工作简单啊？甲：不就是坐在飞机里，点根烟拎杆枪，壳个瓜子儿喝个茶水儿吗。乙：你想的太简单了，来了坏人怎么办？甲：开枪啊！乙：开枪？你知道……怎么瞄准？你知道枪的保险在哪儿？你知道枪……油门儿在哪儿？甲：在脚底下。乙：那是拖拉机。甲：走，上满了弦了。乙：……甲：你以为我真不懂啊。空军部队有空勤地勤和后勤。又分为飞行人员，机务人员，飞行保障人员；气象人员，医务人员，航空管制人员；军需人员，机关人员，科研人员，军队院校教学员；有通信兵，警卫兵，雷达兵，汽车兵，空降兵，防化兵，防空兵，电子对抗兵。乙：呦！你怎么知道那么多？甲：我空军部队有亲戚。乙：什么亲戚？甲：我舅舅在三十四师当空姐。乙：唉！……啊？甲：我舅舅的女儿在三十四师当空姐。乙：好吗！甲：我不光知道空军部队的各个专业，我还知道空军部队的宗旨以及新时期部队建设的根本任务。乙：那你给说说。甲：说说？说了你也不懂！乙：那你就不说。甲：不说？不说我又对不起我这一肚子的知识。乙：那你就接着说。甲：接着说？接着说我又怕泄露军事秘密。乙：那你还是别说了。甲：别说了？不说观众听什么？乙：好吗！反正都是理。甲：有到是‘干一行，爱一行，爱一行，精一行’我只要干好我的本职工作，说与不说又有何妨。乙：关键看你的行动。甲：我要是当了后勤兵……乙：怎么样？甲：我就好好在后面呆着。乙：在后面呆着？甲：为空地勤作好后勤保障。乙：哦！甲：我要是当上军需兵，乙：怎么样？甲：吃饭穿衣归我管，被卧褥子和饭碗，吃的饱、穿的暖，工作积极不偷懒。乙：你要当上通讯兵呢？甲：镐头刨、铁锹铲，架电线、铺电缆，你好谢谢问个安，文明服务——把电话转。 乙：你要当上汽车兵呢？甲：汽车兵跑的快，不要忘记安全带，车容车况常检查，不准偷懒不耍滑。乙：你要当上飞行员呢？甲：认真学习不能少，刻苦训练也要搞，开着飞机满天跑，打开舱门就……乙：怎么样？甲：……就打鸟儿。乙：去你的吧！
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绛旓細閮痉绾茬殑浠涔堢殑璋佺殑閮借閲嶈鐨勬槸濂界帺璁╀汉鎹ц吂鐨勯偅绉嶄篃鍒湁澶鐑傜碂鐨勮瘝姣曠珶鏄涓鐢璇存槸瀵瑰彛鐨勭浉澹鏈濂芥妸璇嶆墦涓婇偖绠:[email protected]... 閮痉绾茬殑浠涔堢殑 璋佺殑閮借 閲嶈鐨勬槸濂界帺 璁╀汉鎹ц吂鐨勯偅绉 涔熷埆鏈夊お澶氱儌绯熺殑璇 姣曠珶鏄腑瀛︾敓璇 鏄鍙ｇ殑鐩稿０ 鏈濂芥妸璇嶆墦涓 閭:[email protected] 灞曞紑 鎴戞潵绛 ...
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