五篇英语小笑话
\u5c0f\u7b11\u8bdd\u82f1\u8bed\u7ffb\u8bd1One day, son took his test paper back and let his father sign, dad looked at his paper, said: "I won't sign, I can't afford to lose my face."
Son felt helpless, then he had to give it to his mother to sign, mom watched the test paper and felt testier,she shouted:"I won't sign it, ask your father."
Son had to return and said to his father in a whisper, "daddy, you can sign my mother's name ,so you don't lose your face."
\u81ea\u5df1\u7ffb\u8bd1\u7684\u554a\uff0c\u7528\u7684\u8fc7\u53bb\u65f6
\u3000\u3000\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\u6545\u4e8b
\u3000\u3000He Won
\u3000\u3000Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
\u3000\u3000Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
\u3000\u3000Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
\u3000\u3000\u4ed6\u8d62\u4e86
\u3000\u3000\u6c64\u59c6\uff1a\u7ea6\u7ff0\u5c3c\uff0c\u4f60\u5c0f\u5f1f\u5f1f\u597d\u5417\uff1f
\u3000\u3000\u7ea6\u7ff0\u5c3c\uff1a\u4ed6\u5bb3\u75c5\u5367\u5e8a\u4e86\u3002\u4ed6\u53d7\u4e86\u4f24\u3002
\u3000\u3000\u6c64\u59c6\uff1a\u771f\u7cdf\u7cd5\uff0c\u600e\u4e48\u56de\u4e8b\u513f\uff1f
\u3000\u3000\u7ea6\u7ff0\u5c3c\uff1a\u6211\u4eec\u505a\u6e38\u620f\uff0c\u770b\u8c01\u80fd\u628a\u8eab\u5b50\u63a2\u51fa\u7a97\u5916\u6700\u8fdc\uff0c\u4ed6\u8d62\u4e86\u3002
\u3000\u3000I Have His Ear in My Pocket
\u3000\u3000Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
\u3000\u3000"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
\u3000\u3000"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
\u3000\u3000"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
\u3000\u3000\u4ed6\u7684\u8033\u6735\u5728\u6211\u8863\u515c\u91cc
\u3000\u3000\u4f0a\u51e1\u9f3b\u5b50\u6d41\u7740\u8840\u56de\u5230\u5bb6\u91cc\u3002\u4ed6\u5988\u5988\u95ee\uff0c\u201c\u53d1\u751f\u4e86\u4ec0\u4e48\u4e8b\uff1f\u201d
\u3000\u3000\u201c\u4e00\u4e2a\u7537\u5b69\u54ac\u4e86\u6211\u4e00\u53e3\uff0c\u201d\u4f0a\u51e1\u8bf4\u3002
\u3000\u3000\u201c\u518d\u89c1\u5230\u4ed6\u4f60\u80fd\u8ba4\u51fa\u6765\u5417\uff1f\u201d\u5988\u5988\u95ee\u3002
\u3000\u3000\u201c\u4ed6\u8d70\u5230\u54ea\u91cc\u6211\u90fd\u80fd\u8ba4\u51fa\u4ed6\uff0c\u201d\u4f0a\u51e1\u8bf4\u3002\u201c\u4ed6\u7684\u8033\u6735\u8fd8\u5728\u6211\u8863\u515c\u91cc\u5462\u3002\u201d
\u3000\u3000A Good Boy
\u3000\u3000Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
\u3000\u3000"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
\u3000\u3000"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
\u3000\u3000"She is the one who sells the candy."
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\u3000\u3000\u201c\u5979\u662f\u4e2a\u5356\u7cd6\u679c\u7684\u3002\u201d
\u3000\u3000Drunk
\u3000\u3000One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
\u3000\u3000"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
\u3000\u3000\u9189\u9152
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\u3000\u3000Hospitality
\u3000\u3000The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
\u3000\u3000\u597d\u5ba2
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\u3000\u3000\u82f1\u8bed\u5c0f\u7b11\u8bdd
\u3000\u3000\u4e0a\u4e2a\u661f\u671f\u4e94\u6211\u7a7f\u4e86\u4e00\u4ef6 Adidas \u7684\u8863\u670d\u53bb\u6253\u7403, \u4e00\u4e2a\u8001\u7f8e\u770b\u5230\u5c31\u7b11\u6211\u8bf4, "Do you
\u3000\u3000know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.\u6211\u6574\u5929\u90fd\u5728\u60f3\u8457
\u3000\u3000\u6027, \u7f29\u5199\u6b63\u597d\u662f Adidas) " \u6211\u6b63\u60ca\u8bb6\u4ed6\u600e\u4e48\u53cd\u5e94\u8fd9\u4e48\u5feb, \u8054\u60f3\u529b\u8fd9\u4e48\u4e30\u5bcc\u65f6,\u65c1\u8fb9\u7684
\u3000\u3000\u4e00\u4e2a\u8001\u7f8e\u5e2e\u6211\u89e3\u56f4, \u4ed6\u8bf4, \u6709\u4e00\u4e2a\u5f88\u8457\u540d\u7684\u5408\u5531\u56e2 Korn, \u4ed6\u4eec\u7684\u62db\u724c\u6b4c\u4e4b\u4e00\u5c31\u662f
\u3000\u3000A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)\u6240\u4ee5\u5462,\u8fd9\u4e2a\u5178\u6545\u53ef\u662f\u5f88\u591a\u8001\u7f8e\u90fd\u8033\u719f
\u3000\u3000\u80fd\u8be6\u7684\u5594! \u4e0b\u6b21\u5c31\u6362\u4f60\u53bb\u53d6\u7b11\u8001\u7f8e\u4e86.
等我有钱了，我就买一辆公交车，专门走公交专用车道，专门停在公交车站，等有人想上车了，我就说：对不起，这是私家车
.2.A boy swore to a girl: 'Honey, do please marry me, otherwise I'll die'
The girl refused. Sixty years later, the boy died.
一男生向一女生发誓：亲爱的，请你一定要嫁给我，不然我会死掉的
女孩拒绝了。六十年后，那个男生死掉了。
3. Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?
Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost（路牌，路标） says, 'School -- Go Slow'
老师：约翰，为什么你每天早上都迟到呢？
约翰：每次我走到街角的时候，都有一块路牌写着：“学校-小心慢行”
4. Teacher: Tom, why are you so late for school tdoay? And where is your homework book?
Tom: Sorry, Miss. I met a robber on my way to school this morning...
Teachse: Oh, My Gosh! So terrible! Did he robber anything from you?
Tom: He...he robbed my homework book....
老师：汤姆，你今天为什么迟到这么久？还有你的家庭作业本呢？
汤姆：对不起，老师，我今天在上学的路上遇上了一个抢劫犯……
老师：噢，天哪！太糟糕了！他抢了你什么东西没有？
汤姆：他……他抢走了我的家庭作业本…… 5.Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. Uh-oh, I said, realizing my mistake. I just make an illegal turn.I guess it's all right, my daughter replied, The police car behind us did the same thing.
我赶着开车将11岁的女儿送到学校去，在红灯处右拐了，而那是不允许的(译注:在一些国家如英国,其交通规则是车辆左行的,与我国相反)。啊噢，意识到犯了错误，我说。我刚才拐弯是违章的。我想那没关系的，女儿回答说：我们后面的警车也同样拐了弯。
绛旓細杩欏鐨勫皬鐢峰鎮勬倓鍦扮寮浜嗗眿瀛愩傝繃浜嗕竴浼氬効,浠栨嬁鐫涓鐗囧ザ閰洖鍒版埧闂,鎶婂ザ閰斁鍦ㄥ浜虹殑鐩樺瓙閲屻 瀹汉寰瑧鐫鎶婂ザ閰斁杩涘槾閲岃:鈥滃瀛,浣犵殑鐪肩潧灏辨槸姣斾綘濡堝鐨勫ソ銆備綘鍦ㄥ摢閲屾壘鍒扮殑濂堕叒?鈥 鈥滃湪鎹曢紶澶逛笂,鍏堢敓銆傗濋偅灏忕敺瀛╄銆 鑻辫灏忕瑧璇 涓婁釜鏄熸湡浜旀垜绌夸簡涓浠 Adidas 鐨勮。鏈嶅幓鎵撶悆, 涓涓佺編鐪嬪埌灏辩瑧鎴戣, ...
绛旓細“鎶婅澶氬皬瀛旂敤缁冲瓙鏍撳湪涓璧峰氨鎴愪簡楸肩綉浜嗐”灏忓コ瀛╁洖绛旈亾銆鑻辫绗戣瘽浜旓細鑴戠Щ妞 A Brain Transplant The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant."You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist,...
绛旓細鎰氫汉鑺傜瑧璇濊嫳璇 绗戣瘽鍏锋湁绡囧箙鐭皬,鏁呬簨鎯呰妭绠鍗曡屽阀濡,寰寰鍑轰汉鎰忔枡,缁欎汉绐佺劧涔嬮棿绗戠鏉ヤ簡鐨勫濡欐劅瑙夌殑鐗圭偣銆傚ぇ澶氭彮绀虹敓娲讳腑涔栬艾鐨勭幇璞,鍏锋湁璁藉埡鎬у拰濞变箰鎬с傚叾瓒ｅ懗鏈夐珮涓嬩箣鍒嗐備互涓嬫槸鎴戞暣鐞嗙殑鎰氫汉鑺傜瑧璇濊嫳璇,浠呬緵鍙傝,澶у涓璧锋潵鐪嬬湅鍚с 鎰氫汉鑺傜瑧璇濊嫳璇 绡1 I Have His Ear in My Pocket鎰氫汉鑺绗戣瘽鑻辫绗戣瘽鐗...
绛旓細绗戣瘽涓嶄粎鏄垜浠敓娲讳腑涓嶅彲缂哄皯鐨勶紝鑰屼笖涔熸槸鎴戜滑宸ヤ綔瀛︿範涔嬩綑缂撹В鍘嬪姏銆佽垝缂撴儏缁殑閲嶈娓犻亾銆備笅闈㈡槸鎴戝甫鏉ョ殑鍏勾绾鑻辫灏忕瑧璇甯︾炕璇戯紝娆㈣繋娆ｈ祻!鍏勾绾ц嫳璇皬绗戣瘽甯︾炕璇戠瘒1 Out-of-state friends of ours recently inherited several pieces of real estate which, unfortunately, are producing more taxes ...
绛旓細杩欏鐨勫皬鐢峰鎮勬倓鍦扮寮浜嗗眿瀛愩傝繃浜嗕竴浼氬効,浠栨嬁鐫涓鐗囧ザ閰洖鍒版埧闂,鎶婂ザ閰斁鍦ㄥ浜虹殑鐩樺瓙閲屻 瀹汉寰瑧鐫鎶婂ザ閰斁杩涘槾閲岃:鈥滃瀛,浣犵殑鐪肩潧灏辨槸姣斾綘濡堝鐨勫ソ銆備綘鍦ㄥ摢閲屾壘鍒扮殑濂堕叒?鈥 鈥滃湪鎹曢紶澶逛笂,鍏堢敓銆傗濋偅灏忕敺瀛╄銆 鑻辫灏忕瑧璇 涓婁釜鏄熸湡浜旀垜绌夸簡涓浠 Adidas 鐨勮。鏈嶅幓鎵撶悆, 涓涓佺編鐪嬪埌灏辩瑧鎴戣, ...
绛旓細涓嬮潰鏄垜鏁寸悊鐨勭粡鍏鑻辫鍐绗戣瘽12绡,浠ヤ緵澶у瀛︿範鍙傝冦 缁忓吀鑻辫鍐风瑧璇:灏忓績鏈夌嫍! As a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign ...鎬荤粺琚楃瑧浜,浜庢槸鎸囩ず绉樹功瀵勭粰灏忕敺瀛5缇庡厓,鍥犱负浠栬寰5缇庡厓瀵逛簬涓涓皬瀛╂潵璁插凡缁忔槸涓嶅皯浜嗐傚皬鐢峰鏀跺埌浜嗛挶寰堥珮鍏,缁欎笂甯濆洖浜嗕竴灏 鎰熻阿淇 ,淇￠噷鍐欓亾:...
绛旓細杩欏鐨勫皬鐢峰鎮勬倓鍦扮寮浜嗗眿瀛愩傝繃浜嗕竴浼氬効,浠栨嬁鐫涓鐗囧ザ閰洖鍒版埧闂,鎶婂ザ閰斁鍦ㄥ浜虹殑鐩樺瓙閲屻 瀹汉寰瑧鐫鎶婂ザ閰斁杩涘槾閲岃:鈥滃瀛,浣犵殑鐪肩潧灏辨槸姣斾綘濡堝鐨勫ソ銆備綘鍦ㄥ摢閲屾壘鍒扮殑濂堕叒?鈥 鈥滃湪鎹曢紶澶逛笂,鍏堢敓銆傗濋偅灏忕敺瀛╄銆 鑻辫灏忕瑧璇 涓婁釜鏄熸湡浜旀垜绌夸簡涓浠 Adidas 鐨勮。鏈嶅幓鎵撶悆, 涓涓佺編鐪嬪埌灏辩瑧鎴戣, ...
绛旓細鍑犲垎閽熷悗锛屼竴涓皬鐢峰鎺㈣繘澶存潵锛屾伋姹傞亾:“姹傛眰鎮紝鍏堢敓锛岃兘璁╂垜浠殑鑰佸笀鍥炲幓鍚?”濂界瑧鐨鑻辫绗戣瘽甯︾炕璇(涓)A Woman's Answer 濂充汉鐨勫洖绛 A husband said to his wife, "Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish'?"涓浣嶄笀澶濡诲瓙璇达細“涓轰粈涔堜笂甯濇妸濂充汉鍒涢犲緱...
绛旓細鑻辫鎼炵瑧绗戣瘽锛欻e Won 浠栬耽浜 Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.姹ゅ锛氱害缈板凹锛屼綘灏忓紵寮熷ソ鍚?绾︾堪灏硷細浠栧...
绛旓細鑻辫灏忕瑧璇 涓婁釜鏄熸湡浜旀垜绌夸簡涓浠 Adidas 鐨勮。鏈嶅幓鎵撶悆, 涓涓佺編鐪嬪埌灏辩瑧鎴戣, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.鎴戞暣澶╅兘鍦ㄦ兂钁 鎬, 缂╁啓姝ｅソ鏄 Adidas) " 鎴戞鎯婅浠栨庝箞鍙嶅簲杩欎箞蹇, 鑱旀兂鍔涜繖涔堜赴瀵屾椂,鏃佽竟鐨 涓涓佺編甯垜瑙ｅ洿, 浠栬, 鏈変竴涓...
