求两人幽默英语对话 跪求一篇简短的两人搞笑英文对话
\u82f1\u8bed\u4e24\u4eba\u641e\u7b11\u5bf9\u8bdd\u77ed\u6587\uff0c\u5e26\u7ffb\u8bd1I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
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The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
\u53ef\u601c\u7684\u4e08\u592b
\u201c\u4f60\u6839\u672c\u65e0\u6cd5\u60f3\u8c61\u548c\u6211\u59bb\u5b50\u6253\u4ea4\u9053\u662f\u591a\u4e48\u7684\u96be\uff0c\u201d\u4e00\u4e2a\u7537\u4eba\u5bf9\u4ed6\u7684\u670b\u53cb\u8bc9\u82e6\u8bf4\uff0c\u201c\u5979\u95ee\u6211\u4e00\u4e2a\u95ee\u9898\uff0c\u7136\u540e\u81ea\u5df1\u56de\u7b54\u4e86\uff0c\u8fc7\u540e\u53c8\u82b1\u534a\u4e2a\u5c0f\u65f6\u8ddf\u6211\u89e3\u91ca\u4e3a\u4ec0\u4e48\u6211\u7684\u7b54\u6848\u662f\u9519\u7684\u3002\u201dWhere is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
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\u54e5\u54e5\u60f3\u4e86\u4f1a\u513f\uff0c\u7136\u540e\u89e3\u91ca\u9053\uff1a\u201c\u5f88\u660e\u663e\uff0c\u4ed6\u5f53\u65f6\u6b63\u5728\u753b\u8fd9\u4e9b\u753b\u5457\u3002\u201d
Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
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\u4e00 Can we have our teacher back\uff1f
Once a superintendent of schools was visiting a three-room school. One room was very noisy, so the man grabbed a tall boy who had been standing up talking. He took the boy into another room and stood him in the corner. Five minutes later, a smalll boy came out of the first room and said, "When can we have our teacher back?"
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\u4e8c Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
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\u4e09 Expensive Price
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
\u6602\u8d35\u7684\u4ee3\u4ef7
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\u4e00\u3001\u3000\u3000Customer\uff1a Give me a hot dog.\u3000\u3000Waiter\uff1a With pleasure.\u3000\u3000Customer\uff1a No, with mustard.\u3000\u3000\u987e\u5ba2\uff1a\u6765\u4e2a\u70ed\u72d7\u3002\u3000\u3000\u4f8d\u8005\uff1a\u5f88\u9ad8\u5174\u3002\u3000\u3000\u987e\u5ba2\uff1a\u4e0d\u8981\uff0c\u52a0\u4e0a\u82a5\u672b\u3002\u3000\u3000\uff08\u6ce8\uff1a\u82f1\u8bed\u4e2dwith pleasure\u662f\u201c\u5f88\u9ad8\u5174\u201d\u7684\u610f\u601d\u3002\u8fd9\u4f4d\u987e\u5ba2\u628apleasure\u5f53\u6210\u8c03\u6599\u4e86\u3002\u602a\u4e0d\u5f97\u4ed6\u8bf4\u4e0d\u8981pleasure,\u8981\u82a5\u672b\u5462\u3002\uff09\u3000\u3000\u4e8c\u3001Teacher\uff1a Now class, whatever I ask, I want you all to answer at once. How much is 6 plus 4\uff1f\u3000\u3000Student\uff1a At once\uff01\u3000\u3000\u8001\u5e08\uff1a\u5168\u73ed\u540c\u5b66\u542c\u7740\uff0c\u4e0d\u7ba1\u6211\u95ee\u4ec0\u4e48\uff0c\u4f60\u4eec\u90fd\u8981\u9a6c\u4e0a\u56de\u7b54\u30026+4\u7b49\u4e8e\u51e0\uff1f\u3000\u3000\u5b66\u751f\uff1a\u9a6c\u4e0a\u3002
Secret For a Long LifeA woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"
"I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise."
"Wow, that's amazing," says the woman. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-six."
长寿秘诀
一位女士走向坐在门廊的椅子上摇动的小老头。
“我无意中发现，你是多么幸福，”那女士说。“你幸福而长寿的秘密是什么？”
“我每天抽三包烟，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且从来不曾锻炼。”
“哦，真神奇，”女士说。“你高寿？”
《怎么样拒绝男生。。。》
男：I’m a photographer. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. 我是摄影师。我一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。
女：I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours. 我是整形外科医生。我也一直在寻找一张像你这样的脸。
男：Is this seat empty？这个座位是空的吗？
女：Yes，and this one will be if you sit down.是的，如果你坐下，我的这个座位就是空的。
男：Will you go out with me this Saturday？ 这个星期六你想跟我出去吗？
女：Sorry. I’m having a headache this weekend. 抱歉。这个周末我头疼。
男：I think I could make you very happy. 我想我能让你非常快乐。
女：Why？ Are you leaving？是吗？你是说你要离开？
小明：I am sorry!
老外：I am sorry too!
小明：I am sorry three!
老外：What are you sorry for?
小明：I am sorry five!
雇主 how much do you want a month? 你一个月想要多少钱？
保姆：800 yuan, eat you, sleep you .
800块， 吃你的，住你的
甲女生：just怎么读？
乙女生：（是结巴）驾~驾~驾驾~驾~
甲女生：吁~~吁~吁吁~吁
（哈哈哈哈~~~~）
虽然有点冷，不过还蛮搞笑的，希望没冻着你！
搞笑翻译：
how old are you ?
怎么老是你
how old are your mother ?
怎么老是你妈？
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