请雅思大神帮我看看我写的这篇英语作文
\u8c01\u80fd\u5e2e\u6211\u5199\u8fd9\u7bc7\u96c5\u601d\u7684\u5c0f\u4f5c\u6587\uff0c\u6025\u6c42\u5927\u795e\uff01\uff01\uff01\uff01The line graph describes information about goods transported in Britain during 1974 to 2002 by different transportation \u2013 road, water, rail and pipeline.
According to the graph, the largest quantity of goods transported between 1974 and 2002 was by road. More specifically, it increased from 70 million tons in 1974 to about 75 million tons in 1978, and then decreased slightly to about 70 million tons. But the number rose to 82 million tons in 1992, and then peaked at almost 98 million tons in 2001.
The number of goods transported by water experienced a slight fluctuation. To be more precise, it was constant from 1974 to 1978, and then increased to around 55 million tons in 1982. After that, it plateaued for about 20 years and reached the highest point at 2002.
The amount of goods transported by rail was also constant from 1974 to 1978, and then dropped to 30 million tons in 1985. It went ups and downs during the following years and reached 40 million tons in 2002.
The quantity of goods transported by pipeline was the lowest during the period of 1974-2002. More precisely, it rose gradually from 1974 to 1982 and then was constant for about 12 years. After that, it increased to over 20 million tons in 1996, and during 1996 to 2002 it was steady at 20 million tons.
All in all, the road remains the main way of transporting goods in the UK while other transportations are also becoming increasingly used.
\u7b2c\u4e00\u6bb5\u7528\u8fd9\u4e2asome,others,I support both\u7684\u5199\u6cd5\u53ef\u4ee5\u786e\u4fdd\u4f60\u4e0d\u80fd\u7a81\u78346\u3002\u8fd9\u79cd\u53e5\u5b50\u5728\u770b\u4e86\u65e0\u6570\u7c7b\u4f3c\u4f5c\u6587\u7684\u8003\u5b98\u773c\u91cc\u5c31\u662f\u8003\u751f\u5728\u6311\u6218\u4ed6\u7684\u667a\u5546\uff0c\u65e0\u8bba\u5982\u4f55\u90fd\u8981\u6452\u5f03\u8fd9\u79cd\u53e5\u5b50\u3002\u540e\u9762\u7684\u6bb5\u843d\u91cc\u5c0f\u9519\u4e0d\u65ad\uff0c\u57fa\u672c\u6bcf\u53e5\u90fd\u6709\u3002\u96c5\u601d\u4f5c\u6587\u4e00\u53e5\u8bdd\u91cc\u6709\u4e00\u70b9\u9519\u8bef\u5c31\u7b97\u9519\uff0c\u6240\u6709\u53e5\u5b50\u5168\u6709\u5c0f\u9519\u5c31\u662f\u6b63\u786e\u73870\uff0c\u4e0d\u4f1a\u8d85\u8fc75\u5206\u3002\u5177\u4f53\u7684\u5c0f\u9519\u592a\u591a\u5217\u4e0d\u8fc7\u6765\uff0c\u5c31\u6311\u51e0\u4e2a\u8bf4\u597d\u4e86\uff0c\u5e94\u8be5\u662fhave a discussion about to what extent....should be penalized\uff0c\u4f60\u5199\u7684\u90a3\u4e2a\u662f\u4e0d\u901a\u987a\u7684\u3002\u8fd8\u6709must will\uff0c\u8fd9\u771f\u662f\u592a\u53ef\u6015\u4e86\uff5e\u4ece\u4f60\u8bed\u6cd5\u6765\u770b\uff0c\u6587\u7ae0\u91cc\u5f88\u591a\u8bcd\u90fd\u4e0d\u8be5\u662f\u4f60\u80fd\u9a7e\u9a6d\u5f97\u4e86\u7684\uff0c\u6240\u4ee5\u642d\u914d\u90fd\u5f88\u5947\u602a\uff0c\u5efa\u8bae\u4f60\u4e0d\u8981\u5bb3\u6015\u91cd\u590d\uff0c\u4e0d\u8981\u52c9\u5f3a\u81ea\u5df1\u53bb\u7528\u9a7e\u9a6d\u4e0d\u4e86\u7684\u8bcd\uff0c\u51cf\u5c11\u51fa\u9519\u624d\u91cd\u8981\u3002
\u6700\u540e\uff0c\u4f60\u73b0\u5728\u8fd9\u4e2a\u9636\u6bb5\u60f3\u8981\u63d0\u5347\u7684\u8bdd\u4e00\u5b9a\u8981\u81ea\u5df1\u8ba4\u771f\u6539\u81ea\u5df1\u7684\u4f5c\u6587\uff0c\u6bcf\u4e00\u4e2a\u642d\u914d\u90fd\u8981\u53bb\u8bcd\u5178\u627e\uff0c\u8fd9\u6837\u80fd\u6700\u5feb\u901f\u5ea6\u63d0\u5347\u8bed\u611f\u79ef\u7d2f\u642d\u914d
Many examples have proved that a host of successful businessmen (when they were young, they had done more or less jobs for money 这段要掉转来写而且要去掉第二个they: had done more or less jobs for money when they were young.)after (After) that, they became more enterprising industrious and ambitious, for these factors facilitated their accomplishments in the fulture. Therefore, in some countries(，) parents encouraged their children to earn money when they were(去掉 even 或改为 very) young. Another reason ,( the young guys 改为 young people) have strong (curiousness 好奇心是: curiosity, which) contribute(s) to that it is not easy to establish their responsibilit(y)(ies). Nevertheless, motivating them to work is surely an excellent choice.
Somewhat importantly, during the earning period, they can also get the valuable work experience and (加 understand about) the responsibilit(y)(ies) , in other words , the difference between paying work and unpaying work is the “initiative” ,and the children will be more initiative to work which could give them benefits , while the initiative can absolutely cause the (force 改为 effects of motivation).
In summary , do not only believe that the experience and responsibility are always the first , toward(s) this situation ,we may change our methods often (be 改为 , which have been) used before , to let the children themselves realized the happiness and achievement from their hardworking.
文章结构甚好，很有内容，我已替你依次序更正好了一些小错，希望会对你有帮助，并祝你学业进步!!
You have some grammatical errors in this passage, which may cause misunderstanding and a lower grade in the IELTS.
绛旓細which涔嬪墠涓瀹氳鍔犱竴涓楀彿) which (caused 鏀逛负 are causing) the children (can鏀逛负 to) play with them rather than do (the 鏀逛负 thier) housework (,
绛旓細5 In this kind of class, teachers may teach their students more difficult and complex knowledge cater for their special needs 杩欏彞璇2涓棶棰橈紝1鏄啑浣欙紝their student鏄笉闇瑕佷氦浠ｇ殑锛2 cater杩欎釜鍔ㄨ瘝浣垮緱鏁翠釜鍙ュ瓙閲屾湁2涓皳璇紝鍙岃皳璇粨鏋勬槸涓涓娉曢敊璇紝搴旇鏀规垚 In this kind of class, mo...
绛旓細Governments have the obligations that/to (let the citizens get right of education)杩欎釜鍙ュ瓙琛ㄦ剰涓嶆竻锛宱bligation to do sth// and it is reasonable for governments to pay for some parts/portion of education fees//tuition, especially to those needy ones . But, residents ,who live in ...
绛旓細at the same time, controversy has arisen on what the government ought to provide financial aid for. Some people insist that the government should not put money on building theaters and sports stadiums,while
绛旓細涓ゅ垪鍥捐鏄,鏄剧ず浜嗕袱涓悊鐢变簲瀛︾敓涓涔犲勾榫(鍦26-over 49)鍜屾敮鎸佺殑鐜涓,闆囦富銆傚畠鏄剧ず浜嗕竴涓腑绛変笅闄嶄负宸ヤ綔瀛︿範鐨勫鐢,鍦ㄥ勾榫勪笂銆傛湁80%鐨勫鐢(鍦26骞村瞾涔嬮棿鐨勮亴涓,瀛︿範鏄ぇ姒傚洓鍊嶄互涓49骞村瞾瀛︾敓浠傜劧鑰,闅忕潃骞撮緞鐨勫闀,鍙戝睍瓒嬪娍鐨勭爺绌跺叴瓒ｇ殑瀛︾敓鎶婃弿杩颁竴绉嶅法澶х殑涓婃定,浠庡井钖勭殑10%(鍦26)鐨70%...
绛旓細绗竴鍙ヨ瘽灏辨湁闂浜 in this day and age 杩欎釜鏈夌偣chinglish 鐨勬劅瑙 璇村疄璇濇垜浠庢病瑙佽繃鑰佸鍐欒繖鏍风殑鍙ュ瓙锛屽叾瀹炵畝鍗曠偣 at present灏卞彲浠ヤ簡 鐒跺悗鎴戠煡閬撲綘瑕佽〃杈剧殑鏄勾杞讳汉 浣嗘槸 涓嶆槸the youngest 鑰屾槸 the young 锛坱he + 褰㈠璇嶅師鍨嬭〃绀轰竴绫讳汉涓嶆槸鏈楂樼骇锛夌浜屾浣犱竴涓婃潵 studying to be organized...
绛旓細On the other hand,university education always is銆恑s always銆,and will remain,銆愪笉瑕侀楀彿浜嗐慹ssential for children's upbringing.銆愯繖鍙ュ拰鍓嶄竴鍙ヨ繛璧锋潵 because涔熷敖閲忓埆鏀惧紑澶淬態ecause it is not only a platform to impart knowledge but also a stage to educate individual銆愬姞s銆 about ...
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