英语幽默小笑话 简单的英语小笑话(带翻译）
\u5e7d\u9ed8\u82f1\u8bed\u5c0f\u7b11\u8bdd...\u3000\u30001. Mike:Mum,I want to watch TV.
\u3000\u3000Mum:There is no electricity tonight.
\u3000\u3000Mike:Then let's watch TVwith a candie on.
\u3000\u3000\u8fc8\u514b\uff1a\u5988\u5988\uff0c\u6211\u60f3\u770b\u7535\u89c6\u3002
\u3000\u3000\u5988\u5988\uff1a\u4eca\u665a\u505c\u7535\u4e86\u3002
\u3000\u3000\u8fc8\u514b\uff1a\u90a3\u6211\u4eec\u5c31\u70b9\u7740\u8721\u70db\u770b\u5427\u3002
\u3000\u30002.The Fish Net
\u3000\u3000"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
\u3000\u3000"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
\u3000\u3000\u9c7c\u7f51
\u3000\u3000"\u4f60\u80fd\u544a\u8bc9\u6211\u9c7c\u7f51\u662f\u4ec0\u4e48\u505a\u7684\u5417\uff0c\u5b89\uff1f" \u8001\u5e08\u53d1\u95ee\u9053\u3002
\u3000\u3000"\u628a\u8bb8\u591a\u5c0f\u5b54\u7528\u7ef3\u5b50\u6813\u5728\u4e00\u8d77\u5c31\u6210\u4e86\u9c7c\u7f51\u4e86\u3002" \u5c0f\u5973\u5b69\u56de\u7b54\u9053\u3002
\u3000\u30003. Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
\u3000\u3000"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
\u3000\u3000"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
\u3000\u3000"She is the one who sells the candy."
\u3000\u3000\u597d\u5b69\u5b50
\u3000\u3000\u5c0f\u7f57\u4f2f\u7279\u5411\u5988\u5988\u8981\u4e24\u5206\u94b1\u3002
\u3000\u3000\u201c\u6628\u5929\u7ed9\u4f60\u7684\u94b1\u5e72\u4ec0\u4e48\u4e86\uff1f\u201d
\u3000\u3000\u201c\u6211\u7ed9\u4e86\u4e00\u4e2a\u53ef\u601c\u7684\u8001\u592a\u5a46\uff0c\u201d\u4ed6\u56de\u7b54\u8bf4\u3002 \u201c\u4f60\u771f\u662f\u4e2a\u597d\u5b69\u5b50\uff0c\u201d\u5988\u5988\u9a84\u50b2\u5730\u8bf4\u3002\u201c\u518d\u7ed9\u4f60\u4e24\u5206\u94b1\u3002\u53ef\u4f60\u4e3a\u4ec0\u4e48\u5bf9\u90a3\u4f4d\u8001\u592a\u592a\u90a3\u4e48\u611f\u5174\u8da3\u5462\uff1f\u201d
\u3000\u3000\u201c\u5979\u662f\u4e2a\u5356\u7cd6\u679c\u7684\u3002\u201d
\u3000\u30004. I've Just Bitten My Tongue
\u3000\u3000"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
\u3000\u3000"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
\u3000\u3000"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
\u3000\u3000\u6211\u521a\u54ac\u7834\u81ea\u5df1\u7684\u820c\u5934
\u3000\u3000\u201c\u6211\u4eec\u6709\u6bd2\u5417\uff1f\u201d\u4e00\u4e2a\u5e74\u5e7c\u7684\u86c7\u95ee\u5b83\u7684\u6bcd\u4eb2\u3002
\u3000\u3000\u201c\u662f\u7684\uff0c\u4eb2\u7231\u7684\uff0c\u201d\u5979\u56de\u7b54\u8bf4\uff0c\u201c\u4f60\u95ee\u8fd9\u4e2a\u5e72\u4ec0\u4e48\uff1f\u201d
\u3000\u3000\u201c\u56e0\u4e3a\u6211\u521a\u521a\u54ac\u7834\u81ea\u5df1\u7684\u820c\u5934\u3002\u201d
\u3000\u30005. A Woman Who Fell
\u3000\u3000It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
\u3000\u3000\u6454\u5012\u7684\u5973\u4eba
\u3000\u3000\u4e0a\u4e0b\u73ed\u9ad8\u5cf0\u671f\uff0c\u6211\u5306\u5306\u5954\u5411\u7ebd\u7ea6\u8c6a\u534e\u4e2d\u5fc3\u7ad9\u53bb\u8d76\u4e00\u8d9f\u706b\u8f66\u3002\u63a5\u8fd1\u95e8\u53e3\uff0c\u4e00\u4f4d\u80a5\u80d6\u7684\u4e2d\u5e74\u5987\u5973\u4ece\u540e\u9762\u51b2\u8fc7\u6765\uff0c\u6ca1\u60f3\u5230\u5728\u5e73\u6ed1\u7684\u5927\u7406\u77f3\u5730\u9762\u4e0a\u5931\u4e86\u811a\uff0c\u4ef0\u9762\u6ed1\u5012\u4e86\u3002\u5979\u7684\u60ef\u6027\u4f7f\u5979\u63a5\u8fd1\u4e86\u6211\u7684\u811a\u3002\u6211\u6b63\u51c6\u5907\u6276\u5979\uff0c\u5979\u5374\u81ea\u5df1\u722c\u4e86\u8d77\u6765\u3002\u5979\u9547\u5b9a\u4e86\u4e00\u4e0b\uff0c\u5bf9\u6211\u6324\u4e86\u4e00\u4e0b\u7709\uff0c\u8bf4\u9053\uff1a\u201c\u603b\u662f\u6709\u6f02\u4eae\u5973\u4eba\u62dc\u5012\u5728\u4f60\u811a\u4e0b\u5417\uff1f\u201d
\u3000\u30006. He is really somebody
\u3000\u3000-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
\u3000\u3000-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
\u3000\u3000-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
\u3000\u3000\u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269
\u3000\u3000-- \u6211\u53d4\u53d4\u4e0b\u9762\u67091000\u4e2a\u4eba\u3002
\u3000\u3000-- \u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269\u3002\u5e72\u4ec0\u4e48\u7684\uff1f
\u3000\u3000-- \u5893\u5730\u5b88\u5893\u4eba\u3002
\u3000\u30007. Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
\u3000\u3000At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
\u3000\u3000\u5b83\u4eec\u662f\u4ece\u7f8e\u56fd\u76f4\u63a5\u5e26\u6765\u7684
\u3000\u3000\u4e00\u4f4d\u4e2d\u56fd\u8001\u5987\u4eba\u5728\u7f8e\u56fd\u770b\u671b\u5973\u513f\u56de\u6765\u4e0d\u4e45\uff0c\u5230\u4e00\u5bb6\u5e02\u94f6\u884c\u5b58\u5973\u513f\u9001\u7ed9\u5979\u7684\u7f8e\u5143\u3002\u5728\u94f6\u884c\u67dc\u53f0\uff0c\u94f6\u884c\u804c\u5458\u8ba4\u771f\u68c0\u67e5\u4e86\u6bcf\u4e00\u5f20\u949e\u7968\uff0c\u770b\u662f\u5426\u6709\u5047\u3002
\u3000\u3000\u8fd9\u79cd\u505a\u6cd5\u8ba9\u8001\u5987\u4eba\u5f88\u4e0d\u8010\u70e6\uff0c\u6700\u540e\u5b9e\u5728\u5fcd\u8010\u4e0d\u4f4f\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u76f8\u4fe1\u6211\uff0c\u5148\u751f\uff0c\u4e5f\u8bf7\u4f60\u76f8\u4fe1\u8fd9\u4e9b\u949e\u7968\u3002\u8fd9\u90fd\u662f\u771f\u6b63\u7684\u7f8e\u5143\uff0c\u5b83\u4eec\u662f\u4ece\u7f8e\u56fd\u76f4\u63a5\u5e26\u6765\u7684\u3002\u201d
\u3000\u30008.my little dog can't read
\u3000\u3000Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
\u3000\u3000Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
\u3000\u3000Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
\u3000\u3000\u6211\u7684\u72d7\u4e0d\u8bc6\u5b57
\u3000\u3000\u5e03\u6717\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u54e6\uff0c
\u3000\u3000\u4eb2\u7231\u7684\uff0c\u6211\u628a\u73cd\u7231\u7684\u5c0f\u72d7\u7ed9\u4e22\u4e86\uff01
\u3000\u3000\u53f2\u5bc6\u65af\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u53ef\u662f\u4f60\u8be5\u5728\u62a5\u7eb8\u4e0a\u767b\u5e7f\u544a\u554a\uff01
\u3000\u3000\u5e03\u6717\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u6ca1\u6709\u7528\u7684\uff0c\u6211\u7684\u5c0f\u72d7\u4e0d\u8ba4\u8bc6\u5b57\u3002\u201d
\u3000\u30009. Bring me the winner
\u3000\u3000\u2014- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
\u3000\u3000-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
\u3000\u3000-- Well, bring me the winner then.
\u3000\u3000\u7ed9\u6211\u90a3\u4e2a\u6253\u8d62\u7684\u5427
\u3000\u3000-- \u670d\u52a1\u5458\uff0c \u8fd9\u4e2a\u9f99\u867e\u53ea\u6709\u4e00\u53ea\u722a\u3002
\u3000\u3000-- \u5bf9\u4e0d\u8d77\uff0c\u5148\u751f\uff0c\u8fd9\u53ea\u80af\u5b9a\u6253\u8fc7\u67b6\u4e86\u3002
\u3000\u3000-- \u54e6\uff0c \u90a3\u7ed9\u6211\u90a3\u4e2a\u6253\u8d62\u7684\u5427\u3002
\u3000\u300010. Advice for "Kid"
\u3000\u3000A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
\u3000\u3000\u5fe0\u544a\u201c\u5e74\u8f7b\u8005\u201d
\u3000\u3000\u8fd9\u91cc\u60f3\u5bf9\u5c06\u8981\u9000\u4f11\u8005\u63d0\u4e00\u70b9\u5fe0\u544a\u3002\u5982\u679c\u4f60\u53ea\u670965\u5c81\u7684\u8bdd\uff0c
\u3000\u3000\u5343\u4e07\u522b\u8fdb\u9000\u4f11\u793e\u533a\u3002\u56e0\u4e3a\u90a3\u91cc\u4eba\u4eba\u90fd\u4e03\u516b\u5341\u5c81\u6216\u8005\u516b\u4e5d\u5341\u5c81\u4e86\u3002\u6bcf\u5f53\u8981\u642c\u4e1c\u897f\uff0c\u62ac\u4e1c\u897f\u6216\u8005\u88c5\u4e1c\u897f\u65f6\uff0c\u4ed6\u4eec\u5c31\u53eb\u558a\uff0c\u201c\u8ba9\u5c0f\u7684\u5e72\u5427\u3002\u201d
1\u3001Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. \u7537\u5b69\uff1a\u8fd9\u4e2a\u5ea7\u4f4d\u662f\u7a7a\u7684\u4e48\uff1f \u5973\u5b69\uff1a\u662f\u7684\uff0c\u5982\u679c\u4f60\u5750\u4e0b\uff0c\u6211\u7684\u5ea7\u4f4d\u4e5f\u5c06\u662f\u7a7a\u7684\u3002
2\u3001Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. \u7537\u5b69\uff1a\u6211\u53ef\u4ee5\u7ed9\u4f60\u4e70\u676f\u996e\u6599\u5417\uff1f \u5973\u5b69\uff1a\u4f60\u4e0d\u5982\u76f4\u63a5\u628a\u94b1\u7ed9\u6211\u5f97\u4e86\u3002
3\u3001My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
\u6211\u7684\u72d7\u4e0d\u8bc6\u5b57\u3002\u5e03\u6717\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u54e6\uff0c \u4eb2\u7231\u7684\uff0c\u6211\u628a\u73cd\u7231\u7684\u5c0f\u72d7\u7ed9\u4e22\u4e86\uff01 \u53f2\u5bc6\u65af\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u53ef\u662f\u4f60\u8be5\u5728\u62a5\u7eb8\u4e0a\u767b\u5e7f\u544a\u554a\uff01 \u5e03\u6717\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u6ca1\u6709\u7528\u7684\uff0c\u6211\u7684\u5c0f\u72d7\u4e0d\u8ba4\u8bc6\u5b57\u3002\u201d
4\u3001My Wife Will Exchange Them\u3002A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. \u2033Cloth or leather\ufe56\u2033 asked the salesperson. \u2033Makes no difference \u2033replied customer. \u2033What color\ufe56\u2033 asked the clerk. \u2033Any\u2033 he responded.
\u2033Size\ufe56\u2033 \u2033Give me whatever you prefer\u2033 the gentleman said slightly exasperated. \u2033My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.\u2033
\u53cd\u6b63\u6211\u592a\u592a\u660e\u5929\u4f1a\u6765\u6362\u7684\u3002\u4e00\u4f4d\u5148\u751f\u8d70\u8fdb\u4e00\u5bb6\u5546\u5e97\u8981\u4e70\u526f\u624b\u5957\u3002 \u201c\u60a8\u662f\u8981\u5e03\u7684\u8fd8\u662f\u76ae\u7684\uff1f\u201d\u552e\u8d27\u5458\u95ee\u3002 \u201c\u6ca1\u4ec0\u4e48\u533a\u522b\u3002\u201d\u8fd9\u4f4d\u987e\u5ba2\u56de\u7b54\u3002 \u201c\u90a3\u60a8\u8981\u4ec0\u4e48\u989c\u8272\u7684\u5462\uff1f\u201d\u552e\u8d27\u5458\u53c8\u95ee\u3002\u201c\u4ec0\u4e48\u989c\u8272\u90fd\u6210\u3002\u201d\u4ed6\u56de\u7b54\u3002 \u201c\u53f7\u7801\u5462\uff1f\u201d \u201c\u60a8\u5c31\u968f\u4fbf\u7ed9\u6211\u62ff\u4e00\u526f\u5427\uff0c\u201d\u8fd9\u4f4d\u987e\u5ba2\u6709\u70b9\u4e0d\u8010\u70e6\u4e86\uff0c\u201c\u53cd\u6b63\u6211\u592a\u592a\u660e\u5929\u90fd\u4f1a\u6765\u6362\u7684\u3002\u201d
5\u3001A physics Examination\uff0cOnce in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?
Nick\u2018s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
\u4e00\u6b21\u7269\u7406\u8003\u8bd5\u3002\u5728\u4e00\u6b21\u7269\u7406\u8003\u8bd5\u65f6\uff0c\u5f53\u540c\u5b66\u4eec\u90fd\u8fd8\u5728\u82e6\u601d\u51a5\u60f3\u65f6\uff0c\u5c3c\u514b\u5f88\u5feb\u5c31\u7b54\u597d\u4e86\u7b2c\u4e00\u4e2a\u95ee\u9898\u3002\u8fd9\u4e2a\u95ee\u9898\u662f\uff1a\u4e3a\u4ec0\u4e48\u5728\u6253\u96f7\u65f6\uff0c\u6211\u4eec\u603b\u662f\u5148\u770b\u5230\u95ea\u7535\u540e\u542c\u5230\u96f7\u58f0\uff1f\u5c3c\u514b\u7684\u56de\u7b54\u662f\uff1a\u56e0\u4e3a\u773c\u775b\u5728\u524d\uff0c\u8033\u6735\u5728\u540e\u3002
6\u3001Jim\u2019s History Examination\u3002Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
\u5409\u59c6\u7684\u5386\u53f2\u8003\u8bd5\u3002\u8205\u8205\uff1a\u5409\u59c6\u8fd9\u5b69\u5b50\u5386\u53f2\u8003\u5f97\u600e\u4e48\u6837\uff1f\u6bcd\u4eb2\uff1a\u5509\uff0c\u7cdf\u900f\u4e86\u3002\u53ef\u8bdd\u53c8\u8bf4\u56de\u6765\uff0c\u8fd9\u4e5f\u4e0d\u80fd\u602a\u4ed6\u3002\u55e8\uff0c\u4ed6\u4eec\u5c3d\u95ee\u4e00\u4e9b\u8fd9\u4e2a\u53ef\u601c\u7684\u5b69\u5b50\u51fa\u751f\u524d\u7684\u4e8b\u513f\u3002
7\u3001he is really somebody\u3002-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
\u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269\u3002-- \u6211\u53d4\u53d4\u4e0b\u9762\u67091000\u4e2a\u4eba\u3002-- \u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269\u3002\u5e72\u4ec0\u4e48\u7684\uff1f-- \u5893\u5730\u5b88\u5893\u4eba\u3002
\u6269\u5c55\u8d44\u6599\uff1a
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Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
英语小笑话
上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do you
know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著
性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的
一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是
A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟
能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!一个小男孩问他的爸爸，结婚要花多少钱？爸爸说：我不知道，因为我仍然在付帐。
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
事实上，只有一杯酒就让我醉倒了，糟糕的是，我不能想起来它是第十三杯还是第十四杯。
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
当你慢慢变老，会发生三件事。第一件是你会丧失记忆。而我已经记不起来其它两件了……
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
一个小女孩和她的老师在说鲸鱼。
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
老师说，鲸鱼不可能吞了一个人，因为，即使这是一个非常大的哺乳动物，它的喉咙是非常小。
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
小女孩说，Jonah被一条鲸鱼吞噬。
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was physically impossible.
老师恼火的重申鲸鱼不能吞下一个人身体是不可能的。
The little girl said, "Well, when I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
小女孩说， "好吧，当我到达天堂，我会问约拿" 。
The teacher asked, sarcastically, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
老师问，反讥道： "什么，如果约拿到地狱呢" ？
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
小女孩回答说： "那你问他" 。
Peter dozed off while his teacher was talking.
老师正在讲课，彼得打起瞌睡来了。
Teacher: Peter！Tell us, what's the biggest in the world?
老师：彼得！你说说，世界上什么最大？
Peter: Well, well....eyelids....
彼得: 嗯……嗯……眼皮……
Teacher: What？Eyelids？
老师：什么？眼皮？
Peter: Yes, sir. Because as soon as I shut my eyes, the eyelids cover everything of the world.
彼得：是的，老师。因为我眼睛一闭，眼皮就把世界上所有的东西都遮住了
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"
Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
疯人院
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说："我是拿破仑！"另一个说："你怎么知道？"第一个人说："上帝对我说的！"一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来："我没说！"
绛旓細缁忓吀鐨勭煭鑻辫骞介粯绗戣瘽 闀垮绉樿瘈 Secret For a Long Life A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.涓浣嶅コ澹蛋鍚戝潗鍦ㄩ棬寤婄殑妞呭瓙涓婃憞鍔ㄧ殑灏忚佸ご銆"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she says.鈥滄垜鏃犳剰涓彂鐜帮紝浣犳槸澶氫箞骞哥锛屸濋偅濂冲＋璇淬"What'...
绛旓細"Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher."Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." replied Mike.2.杩欎釜绗戣瘽鎸哄ソ绗戠殑.鐢熷瓧搴旇涓嶅.浣犺嚜宸变篃瀛︽煡鏌ュ瓧鍏.(鎴戣涓ぇ鎰忓櫌:涓浣嶄紛鍒╄嫢宸炵敺瀛愮寮 鍐板ぉ闆湴鐨勮姖鍔犲摜鍒颁經缃 閲岃揪宸炲害鍋.浠栫殑濡诲瓙姝ｅ湪澶栧湴鍏共...
绛旓細浠や汉鍠烽キ鐨鑻辫骞介粯绗戣瘽 1銆佹満鍦哄伐浣滀汉鍛橀棶锛歐ho are you flying with?(浣犲潗鍝鑸┖鍏徃?)鎴戠瓟锛歁yself銆傚鏂瑰ぇ鍥э紝涓绗戜箣鍚庤ˉ鍏咃細Which airline?An airport staffer asked me "Who are you flying with?" and I said "Myself." He was surprised and then laughed, adding "Which airline?"鍘...
绛旓細can you tell?"鈥滀綘鎬庝箞鐭ラ亾鍛?'’"Broke my neck. "鈥滄垜鐨勮剸瀛愯鎾炴柇浜嗐傗濈湅浜嗏滅敤鑻辫鍐欑瑧璇濃濈殑浜鸿繕鐪嬩簡锛1. 鐢ㄨ嫳鏂囧啓鐨勭瑧璇濇晠浜嬪ぇ鍏 2. 鑻辨眽瀵圭収鐨鑻辫骞介粯绗戣瘽闆嗛敠 3. 鍏充簬鑻辨枃绗戣瘽甯︾炕璇戝ぇ鍏 4. 鍏充簬鑻辫缁忓吀绗戣瘽澶у叏 5. 鍏充簬鑻辨枃鐗堢瑧璇濋槄璇诲ぇ鍏 6. 鍏充簬缁忓吀鑻辨枃绗戣瘽闆嗛敠 ...
绛旓細闄:bear 鏈変袱閲嶆剰鎬:"鐢"鍜"蹇嶅彈"杩欎釜绗戣瘽姝ｆ槸鏍规嵁杩欑偣.3)Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"姹ゅ瀵圭潃鍚夊楠傞亾:"鎴戝彈涓嶄簡浣犺繖涓嫰铔嬩簡!"鍚夊璇:"浣犲濡堣兘!"闄:bear 鏈変袱閲嶆剰鎬:"鐢"鍜"蹇嶅彈"杩欎釜绗戣瘽姝ｆ槸鏍规嵁杩欑偣.4)A ...
绛旓細绗戣瘽,椤惧悕鎬濅箟,鏄竴绉嶉氳繃骞介粯鐨勬枃瀛楁垨鍥剧ず鏉ヨ揪鍒颁护浜轰細蹇冧竴绗戞垨鎹ц吂澶х瑧鏁堟灉鐨勬枃瀛﹀舰寮忋傛垜鏁寸悊浜嗘湁瓒ｇ殑鑻辫灏忕瑧璇鏁呬簨锛屾杩庨槄璇!鏈夎叮鐨勮嫳璇皬绗戣瘽鏁呬簨绡囦竴 Life is cruel to men. When they are born, their mothers get the compliments and flowers. Whenthey are married, their brides get ...
绛旓細涓浣嶅鐢熺湅鍒拌繖鏉￠氱煡鍚,瑙夊緱灞曠ず鑷繁骞介粯鎰熺殑鏈轰細鏉ヤ簡,灏辫蛋涓婂墠,灏嗏渃lass鈥濅腑鐨勨渃鈥濇摝鎺,鏁欐巿鍚埌绗戝０,杞繃韬蛋鍥炴潵,鐪嬩簡鐪嬮偅浣嶅鐢,鍙堢湅鐪嬭鏀瑰姩杩囩殑閫氱煡,涓嶅姩澹拌壊鍦拌蛋涓婂墠,鎶娾渓ass鈥 涓殑鈥渓鈥濇摝鎺,鐪嬩簡鐪嬮偅浣嶇洰鐬彛鍛嗙殑瀛︾敓,鏁欐巿鎵暱鑰屽幓銆 缁忓吀鑻辫鍐绗戣瘽:鏅哄姏缂洪櫡 "Would you mind telling ...
绛旓細绗戣瘽鏄棩甯哥敓娲讳腑浜轰滑娑堥仯濞变箰鐨勪竴绉嶅父瑙佽瑷鐜拌薄,鍏剁洰鐨勫湪浜庡湪浼氳瘽杩囩▼涓紶閫掑拰婵鍙骞介粯鎰熴傛垜绮惧績鏀堕泦浜 鑻辫绗戣瘽 甯︿腑鏂囩炕璇戯紝渚涘ぇ瀹舵璧忓涔!鑻辫绗戣瘽甯︿腑鏂囩炕璇戯細The Great Lion Hunter 浼熷ぇ鐨勭寧鎵 A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the ...
绛旓細涓嬮潰鏄负鎮ㄦ暣鐞嗙殑鍏充簬鈥鑻辫骞介粯绗戣瘽5鍒嗛挓鈥濓紝甯屾湜瀵规偍鏈夋墍甯姪銆傛洿澶氱浉鍏崇簿褰╁唴瀹硅閿佸畾鐢熸椿鐧剧鏍忕洰銆傝嫳璇菇榛樼瑧璇5鍒嗛挓 1.A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when ...
绛旓細you most like eating school frontdoor that young bread `I as soon as order put to inside yours sock! Remembered eatsKazak Room friend: ...鏇村鑻辫绗戣瘽鎺ㄨ崘锛氱畝鍗鑻辫骞介粯绗戣瘽甯︾炕璇 甯︾炕璇戞槸绠鐭嫳璇瑧璇濆ぇ鍏 涓浗寮忚嫳璇瑧璇 鑻辫鍙ｈ灏忕瑧璇 2014鏈鏂版渶缁忓吀鑻辫绗戣瘽闆嗛敠 ;
