英语小笑话，简短的，速度哦 简单的英语小笑话(带翻译）
\u82f1\u8bed\u5c0f\u7b11\u8bdd\uff0c\u8d8a\u77ed\u8d8a\u597d\uff0c\u5e26\u7ffb\u8bd11\u3001Goldfish\u91d1\u9c7c
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom \u3002
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold\uff08\u8499\u773c\u775b\uff09them!
\u65af\u4e39\uff1a\u6211\u8d62\u4e86 92 \u6761\u91d1\u9c7c\u3002
\u5f17\u96f7\u5fb7\uff1a\u4f60\u60f3\u5728\u54ea\u513f\u517b\u5b83\u4eec\uff1f
\u65af\u4e39\uff1a\u6d74\u5ba4\u3002
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\u65af\u4e39\uff1a\u8499\u4f4f\u5b83\u4eec\u7684\u773c\u775b\uff01
2\u3001 The Revenge \u6b3a\u9a97\u7684\u4ee3\u4ef7
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With alow voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmerJones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson:"But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jonesonce cheated me in a horse deal!"
\u8001\u519c\u7ea6\u7ff0\u900a\u5c31\u8981\u6b7b\u4e86\u3002\u4ed6\u7684\u5bb6\u4eba\u90fd\u7ad9\u5728\u5e8a\u8fb9\u3002\u4ed6\u58f0\u97f3\u4f4e\u6c89\u5730\u5bf9\u59bb\u5b50\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u6211\u6b7b\u540e\uff0c\u6211\u60f3\u4f60\u5ac1\u7ed9\u519c\u592b\u743c\u65af\u3002\u201d \u59bb\u5b50\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u4e0d\uff0c\u5728\u4f60\u6b7b\u540e\uff0c\u6211\u4e0d\u80fd\u5ac1\u7ed9\u4efb\u4f55\u4eba\u3002\u201d \u7ea6\u7ff0\u900a\uff1a\u201c\u4f46\u6211\u5e0c\u671b\u4f60\u8fd9\u4e48\u505a\u3002\u201d \u59bb\u5b50\uff1a\u201c\u4e3a\u4ec0\u4e48\uff1f\u201d \u7ea6\u7ff0\u900a\uff1a\u201c\u56e0\u4e3a\u743c\u65af\u66fe\u5728\u4e00\u7b14\u8d29\u9a6c\u7684\u4ea4\u6613\u4e2d\u6b3a\u9a97\u4e86\u6211\u3002\u201d
3\u3001I think that I'm a chicken \u6211\u60f3\u6211\u662f\u4e00\u53ea\u9e21
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
\u7cbe\u795e\u75c5\u533b\u5e08\uff1a\u4f60\u54ea\u91cc\u4e0d\u8212\u670d\uff1f
\u75c5\u4eba\uff1a\u6211\u8ba4\u4e3a\u6211\u662f\u4e00\u53ea\u9e21\u3002
\u7cbe\u795e\u75c5\u533b\u5e08\uff1a\u8fd9\u79cd\u60c5\u51b5\u4ece\u4ec0\u4e48\u65f6\u5019\u5f00\u59cb\u7684\uff1f
\u75c5\u4eba\uff1a\u4ece\u6211\u8fd8\u662f\u4e00\u53ea\u86cb\u7684\u65f6\u5019\u5f00\u59cb\u3002
4\u3001How do I get the gum out\u6211\u600e\u4e48\u628a\u53e3\u9999\u7cd6\u53d6\u51fa\u6765
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum outfrom my ears?"
\u5f53\u7a7a\u4e2d\u5c0f\u59d0\u7ed9\u4e58\u5ba2\u4eec\u53d1\u53e3\u9999\u7cd6\u7684\u65f6\u5019\uff0c\u5979\u89e3\u91ca\u8bf4\u53e3\u9999\u7cd6\u6709\u52a9\u4e8e\u4ed6\u4eec\u9632\u6b62\u8033\u9e23\u3002\u98de\u673a\u7740\u9646\u540e\uff0c\u4e00\u4f4d\u4e58\u5ba2\u8dd1\u5230\u8fd9\u4f4d\u7a7a\u4e2d\u5c0f\u59d0\u9762\u524d\uff0c\u8bf4\u9053\uff1a\u201c \u6211\u9a6c\u4e0a\u5c31\u8981\u89c1\u5230\u6211\u59bb\u5b50\u4e86\u3002\u6211\u600e\u4e48\u624d\u80fd\u628a\u53e3\u9999\u7cd6\u4ece\u8033\u6735\u91cc\u9762\u53d6\u51fa\u6765\u5462\uff1f\u201d
5\u3001 Where Am I \u6211\u5728\u54ea\u513f
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
\u4e00\u4e2a\u82f1\u56fd\u4eba\u5728\u4e61\u4e0b\u5f00\u8f66\u65f6\u8ff7\u4e86\u8def\uff0c\u4ed6\u770b\u89c1\u4e00\u4e2a\u519c\u6c11\u6b63\u5728\u9644\u8fd1\u7684\u5730\u91cc\u5e72\u6d3b\u3002\u4e8e\u662f\u4ed6\u5c31\u628a\u8f66\u5f00\u8fc7\u53bb\u95ee\u90a3\u4f4d\u519c\u6c11\uff1a\u201c\u52b3\u9a7e\uff0c\u60a8\u80fd\u544a\u8bc9\u6211\u6211\u73b0\u5728\u8fd9\u662f\u5728\u54ea\u513f\u5417\uff1f\u201d \u201c\u53ef\u4ee5\u3002\u201d\u519c\u592b\u5947\u602a\u5730\u770b\u4e86\u770b\u4ed6\uff0c\u7136\u540e\u8bf4\u9053\uff1a\u201c\u4f60\u73b0\u5728\u5728\u4f60\u7684\u8f66\u5b50\u91cc\uff0c\u5148\u751f\u3002\u201d
6\u3001Chiefis at the wedding \u957f\u5b98\u5728\u5a5a\u793c\u4e0a
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you injail until the chief gets back."
"But ,officer, I \u2026."
"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a goodmood when he gets back."
"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm thegroom."
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7\u3001Who Is the Laziest \u8c01\u6700\u61d2
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
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8\u3001TwoBirds \u4e24\u53ea\u9e1f
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now whocan tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside theswallow.
\u8001\u5e08\uff1a \u8fd9\u513f\u6709\u4e24\u53ea\u9e1f\uff0c\u4e00\u53ea\u662f\u9ebb\u96c0\u3002\u8c01\u80fd\u6307\u51fa\u54ea\u53ea\u662f\u71d5\u5b50\uff0c\u54ea\u53ea\u662f\u9ebb\u96c0\u5417\uff1f\u5b66\u751f\uff1a\u6211\u6307\u4e0d\u51fa\uff0c\u4f46\u6211\u77e5\u9053\u7b54\u6848\u3002\u8001\u5e08\uff1a\u8bf7\u8bf4\u8bf4\u770b\u3002\u5b66\u751f\uff1a\u71d5\u5b50\u65c1\u8fb9\u7684\u5c31\u662f\u9ebb\u96c0\uff0c\u9ebb\u96c0\u65c1\u8fb9\u7684\u5c31\u662f\u71d5\u5b50\u3002
1\u3001Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. \u7537\u5b69\uff1a\u8fd9\u4e2a\u5ea7\u4f4d\u662f\u7a7a\u7684\u4e48\uff1f \u5973\u5b69\uff1a\u662f\u7684\uff0c\u5982\u679c\u4f60\u5750\u4e0b\uff0c\u6211\u7684\u5ea7\u4f4d\u4e5f\u5c06\u662f\u7a7a\u7684\u3002
2\u3001Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. \u7537\u5b69\uff1a\u6211\u53ef\u4ee5\u7ed9\u4f60\u4e70\u676f\u996e\u6599\u5417\uff1f \u5973\u5b69\uff1a\u4f60\u4e0d\u5982\u76f4\u63a5\u628a\u94b1\u7ed9\u6211\u5f97\u4e86\u3002
3\u3001My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
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4\u3001My Wife Will Exchange Them\u3002A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. \u2033Cloth or leather\ufe56\u2033 asked the salesperson. \u2033Makes no difference \u2033replied customer. \u2033What color\ufe56\u2033 asked the clerk. \u2033Any\u2033 he responded.
\u2033Size\ufe56\u2033 \u2033Give me whatever you prefer\u2033 the gentleman said slightly exasperated. \u2033My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.\u2033
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5\u3001A physics Examination\uff0cOnce in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?
Nick\u2018s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
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6\u3001Jim\u2019s History Examination\u3002Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
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7\u3001he is really somebody\u3002-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
\u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269\u3002-- \u6211\u53d4\u53d4\u4e0b\u9762\u67091000\u4e2a\u4eba\u3002-- \u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269\u3002\u5e72\u4ec0\u4e48\u7684\uff1f-- \u5893\u5730\u5b88\u5893\u4eba\u3002
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两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”
2、A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
A：“现在，都说要减负，可作业怎么越来越多呀！哎！”
B：“那还不简单。减和负都是表示负的意思，那不就是负负的正吗？正了作业不就变多了吗？”
A：“Oh my god！O__O"…”
老师在黑板上写了一句：Time is money.并让同学们翻译。有名学生答道：“汤姆是玛丽。”
小明上英文课时跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明就坐了下来。过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说：May I go to the toilet?
老师说：Go ahead.
小明又坐了下来。他旁边的同学于是忍不住问：你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？怎么不去？
小明说：你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！
绛旓細1銆丟oldfish閲戦奔 Stan: I won 92 goldfish.Fred: Where are you going to keep them?Stan: In the bathroom 銆侳red: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?Stan: Blindfold锛堣挋鐪肩潧锛塼hem!鏂腹锛氭垜璧簡 92 鏉￠噾楸笺傚紬闆峰痉锛氫綘鎯冲湪鍝効鍏诲畠浠紵鏂腹锛氭荡瀹ゃ傚紬闆峰痉锛氫絾鏄綘鎯虫礂婢...
绛旓細灏忔槑涓鑻辨枃璇炬椂璺熻佸笀璇:May I go to the toilet? 鑰佸笀璇:Go ahead. 灏忔槑灏卞潗浜嗕笅鏉ャ傝繃浜嗕竴浼氬効,灏忔槑鍙堣窡鑰佸笀璇:May I go to the toilet? 鑰佸笀璇:Go ahead. 灏忔槑鍙堝潗浜嗕笅鏉ャ備粬鏃佽竟鐨勫悓瀛︿簬鏄繊涓嶄綇闂:浣犱笉鏄窡鑰佸笀璇磋涓婂帟鎵鍚?鎬庝箞涓嶅幓? 灏忔槑璇:浣犳病鍚佸笀璇淬屽幓浣犱釜澶淬嶅晩! 钖拌。鑽夌殑绁...
绛旓細1銆乀eacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.鑰佸笀锛氳皝鑳藉洖鍒版垜涓嬩竴涓棶棰橈紝璋佸氨鍙互鍥炲浜嗐侽ne boy throws his bag out the window.涓涓皬鐢峰鎶婁功鍖呮墧鍒扮獥澶栥俆eacher: who just threw that?!鑰佸笀锛氳皝鍒氬垰鎶婁功鍖呮墧鍑哄幓浜?Boy: Me! I鈥檓 going home now.鐢峰锛氭垜!鎴戠幇鍦ㄨ...
绛旓細1銆丵: What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?鍐板北鍜岃。鍒蜂箣闂存湁浠涔堝尯鍒紵A: One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!涓涓 鎾 鑸 涓涓 鍒 澶ц。锛(鍗曡瘝鐨勬嫾鍐欓犳垚鐨凧OKE锛2銆亀hite man锛歛re you Black?black man锛歯o,i'm White He Won Tommy: Ho...
绛旓細1銆鑻辫绗戣瘽锛堜竴锛 鑰佸笀鍦ㄩ粦鏉夸笂鍐欎簡涓鍙ワ細Time is money.骞惰鍚屽浠炕璇戙傛湁鍚嶅鐢熺瓟閬擄細鈥滄堡濮嗘槸鐜涗附銆傗 灏忔槑涓鑻辨枃璇炬椂璺熻佸笀璇达細May I go to the toilet? 鑰佸笀璇达細Go ...
绛旓細鍏充簬绠鐭鏄撴噦鐨鑻辫灏忕瑧璇绡囦竴 a film crew was on location deep in the desert. one day an old indian went up to the director and said, "it will rain tomorrow." the next day it rained.涓涓數褰辨憚鍒剁粍鍦ㄦ矙婕犳繁澶勮繘琛屾媿鎽勩備竴澶╋紝涓涓嵃搴﹁佷汉鏉ュ埌瀵兼紨闈㈠墠瀵逛粬璇达細“鏄庡ぉ浼...
绛旓細銆愮瘒涓銆绠鐭嫳璇瑧璇甯︾炕璇 Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.鑰佸笀锛氫綘鎰挎剰瑕佸崐...
绛旓細1.Is it a boy or a girl A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.B: I'm not. I'm her mother.缈昏瘧锛...
绛旓細4銆佸皬涔岄緹鍘婚缁撳璇併傚姙浜嬪憳闂箤榫熷勾榫勶紝涔岄緹璇达細100銆傚姙浜嬪憳閬楁喚鍦拌锛氬涓嶈捣锛屾寜鐓т綘浠鏃忚瀹氾紝浣犺繕鏈垚骞达紝涓嶅噯缁撳銆俆he little turtle to get a marriage license. The clerk asked the tortoise age, the tortoise said: 100. The clerk sorry to say: I'm sorry, according to your ...
绛旓細because the cat could not bite it.涓枃缈昏瘧 鑰佺尗 涓浣嶈佸鏈夊彧鐚紝杩欏彧鐚緢鑰侊紝瀹冭窇涓嶅揩浜嗭紝涔熷挰涓嶄簡涓滆タ锛屽洜涓哄畠骞寸邯澶ぇ浜嗐備竴澶╋紝鑰佺尗鍙戠幇涓鍙侀紶锛屽畠璺宠繃鍘绘姄杩欏彧鑰侀紶锛岀劧鑰岋紝瀹冨挰涓嶄綇杩欏彧鑰侀紶銆傚洜姝わ紝鑰侀紶浠庡畠鐨勫槾杈规簻鎺変簡锛屽洜涓鸿佺尗鍜笉浜嗗畠銆備簬鏄紝鑰佸寰堢敓姘旓紝鍥犱负鑰佺尗娌℃湁鎶婅侀紶鍜...
