适合小学生阅读的英语小笑话要带翻译 英语小笑话带翻译100个
\u7b80\u5355\u7684\u82f1\u8bed\u5c0f\u7b11\u8bdd(\u5e26\u7ffb\u8bd1\uff091\u3001Boy: Is this seat empty? Girl: Yes and this one will be if you sit down. \u7537\u5b69\uff1a\u8fd9\u4e2a\u5ea7\u4f4d\u662f\u7a7a\u7684\u4e48\uff1f \u5973\u5b69\uff1a\u662f\u7684\uff0c\u5982\u679c\u4f60\u5750\u4e0b\uff0c\u6211\u7684\u5ea7\u4f4d\u4e5f\u5c06\u662f\u7a7a\u7684\u3002
2\u3001Boy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Actually I'd rather have the money. \u7537\u5b69\uff1a\u6211\u53ef\u4ee5\u7ed9\u4f60\u4e70\u676f\u996e\u6599\u5417\uff1f \u5973\u5b69\uff1a\u4f60\u4e0d\u5982\u76f4\u63a5\u628a\u94b1\u7ed9\u6211\u5f97\u4e86\u3002
3\u3001My little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
\u6211\u7684\u72d7\u4e0d\u8bc6\u5b57\u3002\u5e03\u6717\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u54e6\uff0c \u4eb2\u7231\u7684\uff0c\u6211\u628a\u73cd\u7231\u7684\u5c0f\u72d7\u7ed9\u4e22\u4e86\uff01 \u53f2\u5bc6\u65af\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u53ef\u662f\u4f60\u8be5\u5728\u62a5\u7eb8\u4e0a\u767b\u5e7f\u544a\u554a\uff01 \u5e03\u6717\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u6ca1\u6709\u7528\u7684\uff0c\u6211\u7684\u5c0f\u72d7\u4e0d\u8ba4\u8bc6\u5b57\u3002\u201d
4\u3001My Wife Will Exchange Them\u3002A gentleman walks into a store and asked for a pair of gloves. \u2033Cloth or leather\ufe56\u2033 asked the salesperson. \u2033Makes no difference \u2033replied customer. \u2033What color\ufe56\u2033 asked the clerk. \u2033Any\u2033 he responded.
\u2033Size\ufe56\u2033 \u2033Give me whatever you prefer\u2033 the gentleman said slightly exasperated. \u2033My wife will be back tomorrow to exchange them.\u2033
\u53cd\u6b63\u6211\u592a\u592a\u660e\u5929\u4f1a\u6765\u6362\u7684\u3002\u4e00\u4f4d\u5148\u751f\u8d70\u8fdb\u4e00\u5bb6\u5546\u5e97\u8981\u4e70\u526f\u624b\u5957\u3002 \u201c\u60a8\u662f\u8981\u5e03\u7684\u8fd8\u662f\u76ae\u7684\uff1f\u201d\u552e\u8d27\u5458\u95ee\u3002 \u201c\u6ca1\u4ec0\u4e48\u533a\u522b\u3002\u201d\u8fd9\u4f4d\u987e\u5ba2\u56de\u7b54\u3002 \u201c\u90a3\u60a8\u8981\u4ec0\u4e48\u989c\u8272\u7684\u5462\uff1f\u201d\u552e\u8d27\u5458\u53c8\u95ee\u3002\u201c\u4ec0\u4e48\u989c\u8272\u90fd\u6210\u3002\u201d\u4ed6\u56de\u7b54\u3002 \u201c\u53f7\u7801\u5462\uff1f\u201d \u201c\u60a8\u5c31\u968f\u4fbf\u7ed9\u6211\u62ff\u4e00\u526f\u5427\uff0c\u201d\u8fd9\u4f4d\u987e\u5ba2\u6709\u70b9\u4e0d\u8010\u70e6\u4e86\uff0c\u201c\u53cd\u6b63\u6211\u592a\u592a\u660e\u5929\u90fd\u4f1a\u6765\u6362\u7684\u3002\u201d
5\u3001A physics Examination\uff0cOnce in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunder rolls?
Nick\u2018s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
\u4e00\u6b21\u7269\u7406\u8003\u8bd5\u3002\u5728\u4e00\u6b21\u7269\u7406\u8003\u8bd5\u65f6\uff0c\u5f53\u540c\u5b66\u4eec\u90fd\u8fd8\u5728\u82e6\u601d\u51a5\u60f3\u65f6\uff0c\u5c3c\u514b\u5f88\u5feb\u5c31\u7b54\u597d\u4e86\u7b2c\u4e00\u4e2a\u95ee\u9898\u3002\u8fd9\u4e2a\u95ee\u9898\u662f\uff1a\u4e3a\u4ec0\u4e48\u5728\u6253\u96f7\u65f6\uff0c\u6211\u4eec\u603b\u662f\u5148\u770b\u5230\u95ea\u7535\u540e\u542c\u5230\u96f7\u58f0\uff1f\u5c3c\u514b\u7684\u56de\u7b54\u662f\uff1a\u56e0\u4e3a\u773c\u775b\u5728\u524d\uff0c\u8033\u6735\u5728\u540e\u3002
6\u3001Jim\u2019s History Examination\u3002Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him things that happened before the poor boy was born.
\u5409\u59c6\u7684\u5386\u53f2\u8003\u8bd5\u3002\u8205\u8205\uff1a\u5409\u59c6\u8fd9\u5b69\u5b50\u5386\u53f2\u8003\u5f97\u600e\u4e48\u6837\uff1f\u6bcd\u4eb2\uff1a\u5509\uff0c\u7cdf\u900f\u4e86\u3002\u53ef\u8bdd\u53c8\u8bf4\u56de\u6765\uff0c\u8fd9\u4e5f\u4e0d\u80fd\u602a\u4ed6\u3002\u55e8\uff0c\u4ed6\u4eec\u5c3d\u95ee\u4e00\u4e9b\u8fd9\u4e2a\u53ef\u601c\u7684\u5b69\u5b50\u51fa\u751f\u524d\u7684\u4e8b\u513f\u3002
7\u3001he is really somebody\u3002-- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
\u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269\u3002-- \u6211\u53d4\u53d4\u4e0b\u9762\u67091000\u4e2a\u4eba\u3002-- \u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269\u3002\u5e72\u4ec0\u4e48\u7684\uff1f-- \u5893\u5730\u5b88\u5893\u4eba\u3002
\u6269\u5c55\u8d44\u6599\uff1a
\u7b11\u8bdd\u5177\u6709\u7bc7\u5e45\u77ed\u5c0f\uff0c\u6545\u4e8b\u60c5\u8282\u7b80\u5355\u800c\u5de7\u5999\uff0c\u5f80\u5f80\u51fa\u4eba\u610f\u6599\uff0c\u7ed9\u4eba\u7a81\u7136\u4e4b\u95f4\u7b11\u795e\u6765\u4e86\u7684\u5947\u5999\u611f\u89c9\u7684\u7279\u70b9\u3002\u5927\u591a\u63ed\u793a\u751f\u6d3b\u4e2d\u4e56\u8c2c\u7684\u73b0\u8c61\uff0c\u5177\u6709\u8bbd\u523a\u6027\u548c\u5a31\u4e50\u6027\u3002\u5176\u8da3\u5473\u6709\u9ad8\u4e0b\u4e4b\u5206\u3002
\u4eba\u7c7b\u5386\u53f2\u4e0a\uff0c\u4eba\u81ea\u4ece\u6709\u4e86\u8bed\u8a00\uff0c\u5c31\u5df2\u7ecf\u51fa\u73b0\u4e86\u5f00\u73a9\u7b11\u7684\u8bed\u8a00\uff0c\u6700\u65e9\uff0c\u4eba\u4eec\u4ee5\u53e3\u76f8\u4f20\uff0c\u540e\u6765\u6709\u4e86\u6587\u5b57\uff0c\u8bb8\u591a\u7b11\u8bdd\u4fbf\u88ab\u8bb0\u8f7d\u4e0b\u6765\uff0c\u7f16\u4e66\u6210\u518c\u3002\u4f46\u8fd8\u6709\u5f88\u591a\u7b11\u8bdd\uff0c\u662f\u6d41\u4f20\u4e8e\u6c11\u95f4\u7684\uff0c\u5c31\u5f53\u4eca\u793e\u4f1a\uff0c\u6bcf\u5929\u90fd\u6709\u5f88\u591a\u7b11\u8bdd\u51fa\u73b0\uff0c\u6709\u5fc3\u4eba\u5982\u679c\u6536\u96c6\uff0c\u6211\u60f3\u5c06\u6765\u4e00\u5b9a\u4f1a\u6709\u4ef7\u503c\u3002
\u540c\u65f6\u4e30\u5bcc\u4e86\u7b11\u8bdd\u7684\u5b9d\u5e93\u3002\u968f\u7740\u8fd1\u5341\u5e74\u7f51\u7edc\u548c\u624b\u673a\u7684\u98de\u901f\u53d1\u5c55\uff0c\u968f\u4e4b\u51fa\u73b0\u4e86\u7f51\u7edc\u7b11\u8bdd\uff0c\u7f51\u7edc\u6d41\u884c\u8bed\uff0c\u7ed9\u529b\u5927\u5168\uff0c\u624b\u673a\u7b11\u8bdd\uff0c\u96f7\u4eba\u8bed\u53e5\uff0c\u7b11\u6599\u8054\u76df\u7b49\uff0c\u4fc3\u4f7f\u7b11\u8bdd\u53d1\u5c55\u5230\u4e00\u4e2a\u65b0\u7684\u9636\u6bb5\u3002
\u53c2\u8003\u8d44\u6599\uff1a\u767e\u5ea6\u767e\u79d1\uff1a\u7b11\u8bdd
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
\u7334\u5b50\u4f1a\u548c\u8df3\u86a4\u6709\u4ec0\u4e48\u4e0d\u540c\u5462\uff1f\u4f60\u53ef\u80fd\u4f1a\u76f4\u63a5\u7684\u60f3\u5230\u5b83\u4eec\u4fe9\u662f\u4e00\u5927\u4e00\u5c0f\u3002\u4f46\u9664\u6b64\u4e4b\u5916\u5462\uff0c\u90a3\u5c31\u662f\u7334\u5b50\u8eab\u4e0a\u53ef\u4ee5\u957f\u8df3\u86a4\uff0c\u800c\u8df3\u86a4\u8eab\u4e0a\u5374\u4e0d\u80fd\u6709\u7334\u5b50\u3002\u8fd9\u4e2a\u7b54\u6848\u5f88\u6709\u610f\u601d\u5427\uff1f
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
\u5982\u679c\u4f60\u8e29\u4e86\u519c\u592b\u7684\u7389\u7c73\u6216\u662f\u8c37\u7269\uff0c\u4ed6\u80af\u5b9a\u4f1a\u751f\u6c14\u7684\uff1b\u800c\u5982\u679c\u4f60\u8e29\u4e86\u519c\u592b\u811a\u5e95\u7684\u9e21\u773c\uff0c\u4ed6\u4f1a\u66f4\u751f\u6c14\u3002Corn\u65e2\u53ef\u4ee5\u8868\u793a\u201c\u7389\u7c73/\u8c37\u7269\u201d\uff0c\u4e5f\u6709\u201c\u9e21\u773c\u201d\u7684\u610f\u601d\u3002
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
\u56e0\u4e3asnail\uff08\u8717\u725b\uff09\u7684\u540e\u80cc\u4e0a\u603b\u662f\u80cc\u7740\u4e00\u6240\u623f\u5b50\uff0c\u6240\u4ee5\u8bf4\u8717\u725b\u662f\u4e16\u754c\u4e0a\u6700\u5f3a\u58ee\u7684\u751f\u7269\u662f\u4e0d\u8db3\u4e3a\u5947\u7684\u3002\u4f60\u8bf4\u5462\uff1f
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
\u4e00\u770b\u5230make faces\u8fd9\u4e2a\u77ed\u8bed\uff0c\u4f60\u53ef\u5343\u4e07\u522b\u4ee5\u4e3a\u662f\u5728\u949f\u8868\u5382\u5de5\u4f5c\u7684\u4eba\u6574\u5929\u90fd\u505a\u9b3c\u8138\u5440\uff01\u56e0\u4e3a\u9664\u4e86\u8fd9\u4e2a\u610f\u601d\u4ee5\u5916\uff0c\u5b83\u8fd8\u53ef\u4ee5\u4ece\u5b57\u9762\u4e0a\u89e3\u91ca\u4e3a\u5236\u9020\u949f\u9762\u3002
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
\u600e\u6837\u624d\u80fd\u4e0d\u8ba9\u68a6\u6e38\u8005\uff08sleepwalker\uff09\u68a6\u6e38\uff08walk in his sleep\uff09\u5462\uff1f\u6700\u7b80\u5355\u7684\u65b9\u6cd5\u5c31\u662f\u4e0d\u8ba9\u4ed6\u7761\u89c9\u3002\u867d\u7136\u8fd9\u4e0d\u662f\u6cbb\u7597\u65b9\u6cd5\uff0c\u4f46\u5982\u679c\u8ba9\u68a6\u6e38\u8005\u9192\u7740\u5462\uff0c\u4ed6\u7684\u786e\u5c31\u4e0d\u4f1a\u53bb\u68a6\u6e38\u4e86\u3002
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e8c\uff09
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
\u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269
-- \u6211\u53d4\u53d4\u4e0b\u9762\u67091000\u4e2a\u4eba\u3002
-- \u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269\u3002\u5e72\u4ec0\u4e48\u7684\uff1f
-- \u5893\u5730\u5b88\u5893\u4eba\u3002
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e09\uff09
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
\u5b83\u4eec\u662f\u4ece\u7f8e\u56fd\u76f4\u63a5\u5e26\u6765\u7684
\u4e00\u4f4d\u4e2d\u56fd\u8001\u5987\u4eba\u5728\u7f8e\u56fd\u770b\u671b\u5973\u513f\u56de\u6765\u4e0d\u4e45\uff0c\u5230\u4e00\u5bb6\u5e02\u94f6\u884c\u5b58\u5973\u513f\u9001\u7ed9\u5979\u7684\u7f8e\u5143\u3002\u5728\u94f6\u884c\u67dc\u53f0\uff0c\u94f6\u884c\u804c\u5458\u8ba4\u771f\u68c0\u67e5\u4e86\u6bcf\u4e00\u5f20\u949e\u7968\uff0c\u770b\u662f\u5426\u6709\u5047\u3002
\u8fd9\u79cd\u505a\u6cd5\u8ba9\u8001\u5987\u4eba\u5f88\u4e0d\u8010\u70e6\uff0c\u6700\u540e\u5b9e\u5728\u5fcd\u8010\u4e0d\u4f4f\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u76f8\u4fe1\u6211\uff0c\u5148\u751f\uff0c\u4e5f\u8bf7\u4f60\u76f8\u4fe1\u8fd9\u4e9b\u949e\u7968\u3002\u8fd9\u90fd\u662f\u771f\u6b63\u7684\u7f8e\u5143\uff0c\u5b83\u4eec\u662f\u4ece\u7f8e\u56fd\u76f4\u63a5\u5e26\u6765\u7684\u3002\u201d
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u56db\uff09my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
\u6211\u7684\u72d7\u4e0d\u8bc6\u5b57
\u5e03\u6717\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u54e6\uff0c
\u4eb2\u7231\u7684\uff0c\u6211\u628a\u73cd\u7231\u7684\u5c0f\u72d7\u7ed9\u4e22\u4e86\uff01
\u53f2\u5bc6\u65af\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u53ef\u662f\u4f60\u8be5\u5728\u62a5\u7eb8\u4e0a\u767b\u5e7f\u544a\u554a\uff01
\u5e03\u6717\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u6ca1\u6709\u7528\u7684\uff0c\u6211\u7684\u5c0f\u72d7\u4e0d\u8ba4\u8bc6\u5b57\u3002\u201d
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e94\uff09Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
\u7ed9\u6211\u90a3\u4e2a\u6253\u8d62\u7684\u5427
-- \u670d\u52a1\u5458\uff0c
\u8fd9\u4e2a\u9f99\u867e\u53ea\u6709\u4e00\u53ea\u722a\u3002
-- \u5bf9\u4e0d\u8d77\uff0c\u5148\u751f\uff0c\u8fd9\u53ea\u80af\u5b9a\u6253\u8fc7\u67b6\u4e86\u3002
-- \u54e6\uff0c \u90a3\u7ed9\u6211\u90a3\u4e2a\u6253\u8d62\u7684\u5427\u3002
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u516d\uff09The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
\u541d\u556c\u9b3c\u8bf7\u5ba2
\u4e00\u4e2a\u51fa\u4e86\u540d\u7684\u541d\u556c\u9b3c\u7ec8\u4e8e\u51b3\u5b9a\u8981\u8bf7\u4e00\u6b21\u5ba2\u4e86\u3002\u4ed6\u5728\u5411\u4e00\u4e2a\u670b\u53cb\u89e3\u91ca\u600e\u4e48\u627e\u5230\u4ed6\u5bb6\u65f6\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u4f60\u4e0a\u5230\u4e94\u697c\uff0c\u627e\u4e2d\u95f4\u90a3\u4e2a\u95e8\uff0c\u7136\u540e\u7528\u4f60\u7684\u80f3\u818a\u8098\u6309\u95e8\u94c3\u3002\u95e8\u5f00\u4e86\u4e4b\u540e\uff0c\u518d\u7528\u4f60\u7684\u811a\u628a\u95e8\u63a8\u5f00\u3002\u201d
\u201c\u4e3a\u4ec0\u4e48\u8981\u7528\u6211\u7684\u8098\u548c\u811a\u5462\uff1f\u201d
\u201c\u4f60\u7684\u53cc\u624b\u5f97\u62ff\u793c\u7269\u554a\u3002\u5929\u54ea\uff0c\u4f60\u603b\u4e0d\u4f1a\u7a7a\u7740\u624b\u6765\u5427\uff1f\u201d\u541d\u556c\u9b3c\u56de\u7b54\u3002
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e03\uff09Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
\u5fe0\u544a\u201c\u5e74\u8f7b\u8005\u201d
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\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u516b\uff09Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
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\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e5d\uff09The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
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\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u5341\uff09One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
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\u56de\u7b54\u8005\uff1alovemydream - \u9ad8\u7ea7\u7ecf\u7406 \u4e03\u7ea7 7-5 10:08
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50% \uff084\uff09 \u4e0d\u597d
50% \uff084\uff09
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GOOD!
\u8bc4\u8bba\u8005\uff1a YABNV - \u9b54\u6cd5\u5b66\u5f92 \u4e00\u7ea7
\u5176\u4ed6\u56de\u7b54\u5171 2 \u6761
Logic Reasoning \u903b\u8f91\u63a8\u7406
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
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[\u6ce8]bank\u5728\u82f1\u8bed\u4e2d\u9664\u4e86\u6211\u4eec\u5e73\u65f6\u5f88\u719f\u6089\u7684\u201c\u94f6\u884c\u201d\u4e4b\u5916\uff0c\u8fd8\u6709\u201c\u6cb3\u5cb8\u201d\u7684\u610f\u601d\u3002
Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife\uff1f\u4f60\u505c\u6b62\u6253\u4f60\u8001\u5a46\u4e86\u5417?
This story is told of a browbeating counsel\uff0cwho habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent\u2018s witnesses\uff0e
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations\uff0e
\u201cI want\u2018yes\u2019or\u2018no\uff0c\u2019\u201dthundered counsel\uff0e\u201cThere is no need for you to argue the point\uff01\u201d
\u201cBut there are some questions which cannot be answered by\u2018yes\u2019or\u2018no\uff0c\u2019\u201dmildly responded the witness\uff0e
\u201cThere are not\uff01\u201d snapped the lawyer\uff0e
\u201cOh\uff0c\u201d said the witness\uff0c\u201canswer this then\uff1a\u201cHave you ceased beating your wife\uff1f\u201d
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Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
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"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
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Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles\uff0cboys\uff1f
\u4f53\u80b2\u8001\u5e08\uff1a\u5b69\u5b50\u4eec\uff0c\u4f60\u4eec\u89c1\u8fc7\u7537\u5973\u6df7\u5408\u53cc\u6253\u5417\uff1f
Nick: Yes\uff0csir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
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Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
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Nick: Oh\uff0csorry\uff0csir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.\u201d
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\u6284\u7684..
"Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win," my husband hedged. "We just play to have fun."
Undaunted, Sare said, "Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?"
丈夫打完高尔夫球回来，我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。“爸爸，谁赢了高尔夫球比赛，是你还是理查叔叔？”
“我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢，”丈夫推诿说。“我们打球只是为了开心而已。”
莎拉毫不气馁，又问：“那么，爸爸，谁玩的更开心呢？”
2.A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. "Well, sit down and eat your tea," said his mother. "Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it."
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
"That's because it's empty," said his bright son. "You'd be all right if you had something in it."
一个男孩放学回家时，觉得肚子痛。“来，坐下，吃点点心，”妈妈说，“你肚子痛是因为肚子是空的。吃点东西就会好的。”
一会儿，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，说是头痛。
“你头痛是因为你的脑袋是空的，”他那聪明的儿子说，“里面装点东西，就会好的。”
3.A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.
Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam.
Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?"
一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。
母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，“露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。”
露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：“您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗？”
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告“年轻者”
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，
千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
英语笑话（八）Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”
英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
英语笑话（十）One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman，" he answered.
"You’re a good boy，" said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语笑话（四）my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话（五）Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
英语笑话（七）Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告“年轻者”
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，
千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
英语笑话（八）Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”
英语笑话（九）The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
英语笑话（十）One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。
绛旓細鍑犲勾鍓嶏紝鎴戝綋寰嬪笀鐨勭埜鐖稿甫鎴戝幓绾界害鐨勪竴瀹堕珮妗ｉ棣嗐傚笎鍗曚笂鏉ユ椂锛屼笂闈㈡湁1.5缇庡厓鐨勯潰鍖呭拰榛勬补璐广傜埜鐖镐粯浜嗗笎锛岃繛鍚岄潰鍖呭拰榛勬补鐨勬敹璐逛竴榻愪粯浜嗐備絾鏄浜屽ぉ锛屼粬缁欓棣嗗瘎浜嗕竴灏佷俊锛岃閭ｉ」鏀惰垂鏄病鏈夐亾鐞嗙殑銆傞殢淇¤繕瀵勪笂浜嗕竴寮500缇庡厓鐨勬硶寰嬫湇鍔℃満鏋勭殑鏀惰垂鍗曘傞棣嗛┈涓婃墦鏉ョ數璇濓紝闂亾锛氣滆繖500缇庡厓鐨勬敹璐...
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绛旓細2010-08-19 灏忓鑻辫灏忕瑧璇 589 2015-09-04 娲涙潐鏈哄叕绔嬪皬瀛︿笂璇捐浠涔堣瑷 2013-02-01 鎯虫壘涓涓傚悎涓骞寸骇瀛╁瓙璁茬殑灏忕瑧璇 28 2014-10-01 澶у濂,鎬ラ渶涓涓湁鍏充腑绉嬭妭鐨勮嫳鏂囧皬鏁呬簨,瑕佺畝鐭殑,涓骞寸骇鐨勫皬... 2016-03-14 鍦ㄥ煄鍏冲皬瀛骞寸骇x鐝笂瀛︾殑鑻辫 1 鏇村...
绛旓細4銆佸皬涔岄緹鍘婚缁撳璇併傚姙浜嬪憳闂箤榫熷勾榫勶紝涔岄緹璇达細100銆傚姙浜嬪憳閬楁喚鍦拌锛氬涓嶈捣锛屾寜鐓т綘浠鏃忚瀹氾紝浣犺繕鏈垚骞达紝涓嶅噯缁撳銆俆he little turtle to get a marriage license. The clerk asked the tortoise age, the tortoise said: 100. The clerk sorry to say: I'm sorry, according to your ...
