搞笑英语话剧剧本 急求搞笑的英语话剧剧本
\u641e\u7b11\u82f1\u8bed\u8bdd\u5267\u5267\u672c\u6211\u4eec\u73ed\u521a\u6f14\u8fc7 \uff0c\u83b7\u5f97\u4e86\u7cfb\u91cc\u4e00\u7b49\u5956(\u5b54\u96c0\u4e1c\u5357\u98de \u82f1\u8bed\u641e\u7b11\u5267\u672c) \u867d\u7136\u4eba\u7269\u591a\u4e86\u4e00\u4e2a\uff0c\u53ef\u4ee5\u6709\u7fa4\u4f17\u6f14\u5458\u561b
\u7126\u4ef2\u537fjohnny(jforshort)
\u5218\u5170\u829dlunch(lforshort)
\u7126\u6bcdjohnny\u2019s mother(jmforshort)
\u5218\u6bcdlunch\u2019s mother(lmforshort)
\u592a\u5b88\u4e4b\u5b50mayor\u2019sson(msforshort)
\u5f3a\u76d7burglars(abandc)
prologue \u5e8f\u5e55
(j\u4f5c\u88ab\u6253\u72b6\u8dd1\u4e0a\u53f0,\u5185\u7838\u51fa\u4e00\u5377\u7eb8\u7b52,j\u88ab\u6253\u4e2d,\u72fc\u72c8\u4e0d\u582a)
j:everybody says that i\u2019m hen pecked, but in fact,i\u2019m a strong tiger,(\u5c0f\u58f0)while my
wife is wusong.
\u8bd1\uff1a\u4eba\u4eba\u90fd\u8bf4\u6211\u6015\u8001\u5a46\uff0c\u5b9e\u9645\u4e0a\u6211\u662f\u8001\u864e\uff0c\uff08\u5c0f\u58f0\uff09\u6211\u59bb\u5b50\u662f\u6b66\u677e\u3002
(\u6307\u7740\u4e0a\u53f0\u5904\u7684\u95e8\u5927\u58f0\u9053)i\u2019m not afraid of you!
\u8bd1\uff1a\u6211\u624d\u4e0d\u6015\u4f60\u5462\uff01
(\u5185\u7838\u51fa\u4e00\u8138\u76c6,j\u63a5\u4f4f\u5f53\u6210\u76fe\u724c\u62a4\u7740\u5934)then, i\u2019m afraid of whom! my wife lunchi is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i donot care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
\u8bd1\uff1a\u8c01\u6015\u8c01\u554a\uff01\u5728\u90bb\u91cc\u4e2d\uff0c\u6211\u59bb\u5b50\u662f\u6700\u6709\u540d\u6c14\u7684\u3002\u5979\u6bd4\u6211\u52c7\u6562\u3001\u6bd4\u6211\u806a\u660e\u3001\u6bd4\u6211\u5f3a\u58ee\u3002\u6211\u4e5f\u4e0d\u5728\u4e4e\u8fd9\u4e9b\u3002\u6211\u53ea\u89c9\u5f97\u5979\u8be5\u5bf9\u6211\u6e29\u67d4\u4e9b\uff0c\u4f46\u662f\u5979\u5374\u4e0d\u61c2\u6e29\u67d4\uff01\u6709\u8fd9\u6837\u7684\u592a\u592a\u5c31\u50cf\u6d3b\u5728\u5730\u72f1\u4e2d\u554a\uff01
(\u5185\u53c8\u7838\u51fa\u4e00\u5377\u7eb8\u7b52,\u51fb\u4e2dj)
my god! who can help me?(\u4e0b)
\u8bd1\uff1a\u6211\u7684\u5929\uff01\u8c01\u6765\u6551\u6551\u6211\u554a\uff1f
act1 \u7b2c\u4e00\u5e55
(\u5e8f\u5e55\u7ed3\u675f\u65f6,jm\u4f5c\u7a83\u542c\u72b6)
jm(\u62c4\u62d0\u68cd\u4e0a):i can!
(\u5bf9\u95e8\u5185)lunch! lunch! where are you?
l(\u624e\u7740\u56f4\u88d9,\u62ff\u7740\u9505\u94f2,\u4ece\u95e8\u5185\u8df3\u51fa\u6765):i\u2019m here! what\u2019s up \uff0cmum?
jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me \u201cmy most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law\u201d.
l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what\u2019s up?
jm:since you married my son you have be havedso badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so
lazy\u2026\u2026
l:but\u2026\u2026
jm:never interrupt me!
l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all
daylong,cooking and washing. i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken
and\u2026\u2026
jm:but all those you have done arenot asvaluable as a grandson!
l(\u751f\u6c14\u5730\u6325\u52a8\u7740\u9505\u94f2):oh,you want a grandson,don\u2019t you?(\u5f00\u59cb\u89e3\u56f4\u88d9)go and ask your son. i\u2019m leaving!(\u626f\u4e0b\u56f4\u88d9,\u6254\u5728jm\u7684\u8138\u4e0a,\u4e0b)
act2
(lm\u5750\u5728\u53f0\u4e0a\u6253\u6bdb\u7ebf,l\u62ff\u7740\u9505\u94f2\u4e0a)
l:mum, i\u2019m back!
lm:you are back?why?what happened?
l:i was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother\u2013in-law.
lm(\u60ca\u8bb6,\u4f46\u968f\u5373\u9732\u51fa\u5e78\u707e\u4e50\u7978\u7684\u795e\u60c5):see! i have already told you! when you insisted on
marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen
to me. look at yourself\u2026\u2026
l:but,mum\u2026\u2026
lm:never interrupt me!
l:mum,i\u2019m not interrupting you. i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? and
i\u2019ll marry whomever you want me to.
lm(\u5927\u559c):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor\u2019s son in the market.he said:\u201cif your daughter
haven\u2019t been married,i really really want to marry her!\u201dnow you are free again, i \u2019ll go
and tell him.(\u4e0b)
l(\u60ca\u6115):what? the mayor\u2019s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (\u624b\u4e2d\u7684\u9505
\u94f2\u6389\u5728\u5730\u4e0a)what a silly thing i have done!(\u4e0b)
act3
(j\u7761\u773c\u60fa\u5fea\u4e0a)
j(\u8fb9\u8d70\u8fb9\u9053):lunch! lunch! where are mysocks?
(\u8d70\u4e86\u51e0\u6b65,\u5728\u5730\u4e0a\u6361\u8d77\u889c\u5b50)here they are!(\u95fb\u4e00\u4e0b) er! how smelly! they are still dirty!
(\u7a81\u7136\u60f3\u8d77)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.
(\u4ed6\u7684\u809a\u5b50\u4f3c\u4e4e\u5495\u5495\u53eb\u4e86\u8d77\u6765)oh,i\u2019m so hungry! but there\u2019s no breakfast!(\u6361\u8d77\u5730\u4e0a\u7684\u56f4
\u88d9)this is what lunch always wears! i miss her so much, and her excellent cooking skill! now
she has gone.i have to cook for my mother and myself.
jm(\u4e0a):where\u2019s my breakfast? where\u2019slunch?hasn\u2019t she got up yet?
j:mum, can\u2019t you remember?lunch has gone!
jm(\u6c89\u541f\u7247\u523b):well, to tell you the truth johnny, a son without a wife is suseless. lunch is an ice
girl,go and take her back!
j(\u7acb\u6b63\u656c\u793c):yes madam!
act4
(j\u5f00\u5fc3\u5730\u8d70\u7740\uff0c\u5ffd\u7136\u8df3\u51fa\u6765\u4e09\u4e2a\u5f3a\u76d7)
a:hey you!stop and listen to us!
the road is built by me!(\u62ac\u811a\u91cd\u91cd\u5730\u8e29\u5728\u4e00\u5757\u5927\u77f3\u5934\u4e0a)
b:and i planted one tree!(\u4ea6\u62ac\u811a\u8e29\u5728\u540c\u4e00\u5757\u77f3\u5934\u4e0a)
c:if you want to go by this street---(\u6b32\u8e29\u77f3\u5934\uff0c\u4f46\u8e29\u5230\u4e86a\u7684\u811a)
ab&c:give us all your money!
j(\u641c\u904d\u4e86\u6bcf\u4e00\u4e2a\u53e3\u888b\uff0c\u638f\u51fa1\u89d2\u786c\u5e01):is 1mao enough?
(\u4e09\u5f3a\u76d7\u6655\u5012\u72b6\uff0c\u63a5\u7740\u4e09\u4eba\u805a\u5728\u4e00\u8fb9\u5546\u91cf)
a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!
b:if we cannot robany money today,we will havenot thing to eat tonight!
c:i heard that the mayor\u2019s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next month.we can go and
rob the wedding!
a&b:good idea!
j(\u60ca\u8bb6):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it\u2019s impossible!
ab&c:why? a pretty girl and a richman,what a good couple!
j:but lunch is my wife! we haven\u2019t got divorced yet!
(\u7a81\u7136\u6709\u4e86\u4e3b\u610f)i\u2019ve got an idea!you are going to rob the wedding, don\u2019tyou? i\u2019ll go
with you. you take the money and i take the bride.
b:have you got any experience?
j:no. but i\u2019ve got this!(j\u8131\u4e0b\u978b\u5b50\u4ece\u91cc\u9762\u6478\u51fa\u4e00\u5f20\u652f\u7968\uff0c\u4e0a\u4e66\uff041\uff0c000\uff0c000)
act5
(\u8f6c\u773c\u5df2\u5230\u4e86\u5a5a\u793c\u4e4b\u671f\uff0ems\u610f\u6c14\u98ce\u53d1\u7528\u7ea2\u7ef8\u7275\u7740\u65b0\u5a18\u4e0a\uff0cj\u76d6\u7740\u7ea2\u76d6\u5934\u6781\u4e0d\u60c5\u613f\u5730\u88ab\u62c9\u4e0a\u53f0)
(j\u548c\u4e09\u5f3a\u76d7\u8dc3\u81f3\u53f0\u4e2d)
abc&j:hey you! stop and listen to us!
a:the road is built by me!
b:and i planted one tree.
c:if you want to go by this street---
j:give us all your money!
(l\u542c\u5230j\u7684\u58f0\u97f3\uff0c\u6380\u8d77\u4e86\u76d6\u5934)
l(\u60ca\u559c\u4e07\u5206):johnny!(\u4e0d\u987e\u4e00\u5207\u5730\u98de\u5954\u5230j\u7684\u8eab\u8fb9\u5e76\u8eb2\u5230\u4e86\u7684\u8eab\u540e)
(ms\u5927\u6012\uff0c\u6325\u62f3\u5411j\u6253\u6765\uff0ej\u77ee\u8eab\u4e00\u8eb2\uff0cms\u6253\u4e2d\u4e86j\u8eab\u540e\u7684l\uff0cl\u6655\u5012)
j(\u706b\u5192\u4e09\u4e08):how dare you beat my wife!\uff08\u6325\u62f3\u5411ms\u51b2\u53bb\uff09
(j\u4e0ems\u6df7\u6218\uff0cjm\u4e0a\uff0c\u4ee5\u62d0\u6756\u51fb\u6655ms)
(j\u5c06ms\u80f8\u524d\u7684\u65b0\u90ce\u6807\u5fd7\u626f\u4e0b\u6234\u5728\u81ea\u5df1\u80f8\u524d)
j(\u6276\u8d77l\uff0c\u5173\u5207\u5730\u95ee):honey, how are you?
l(\u54ed\u72b6):i hurt a lot!
j:don\u2019t cry baby.i\u2019ll go and fetch the medicine. (\u4e0b)
l(\u8d77\u8eab\u53bb\u8ffd):wait for me! (\u8dd1\u4e0b)
\u8346\u73c2\u523a\u79e6\u738b\u641e\u7b11\u82f1\u8bed\u8bdd\u5267\u5267\u672c
\u65c1\u767d(Aside )/\u4ecb\u7ecd\uff08Introduction\uff09\uff1a Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, \u201cYingzheng\u201d. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.
Action I
\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\uff08\u4e0a\uff0c\u638f\u51fa\u955c\u5b50\u68b3\u5934\uff0c\u505a\u81ea\u604b\u72b6\uff09\uff1aMirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (\u753b\u5916\u97f3\uff1aIt\u2019s you, Prince Dan! \u592a\u5b50\u4e39\u9ad8\u5174\u72b6) Thank u mirror! \uff08\u9762\u5bf9\u89c2\u4f17\uff09 I\u2019m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (\u5411\u5e55\u91cc\u5927\u53eb) Where is my minister?
\u963f\u4e09(\u6bd5\u606d\u6bd5\u656c) : Honey, I am coming.
\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\uff1aI\u2019ve told you again and again that you should call me \u201cmy most beautiful\u3001graceful \u3001handsome\u3001charming\u3001cute\u3001smart and dearest Prince Dan\u201d!
\u963f\u4e09\uff1aSure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~\uff08\u4f5c\u6740\u72b6\uff09
\u592a\u5b50\uff1aOh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!\uff08\u4e8c\u5341\u4e00\u4e16\u7eaa\u6700\u9700\u8981\u7684\u662f\u4ec0\u4e48\uff0c\u4eba\u624d\uff01\u8fd9\u53e5\u8bdd\u8981\u8ddf\u89c2\u4f17\u4ea4\u6d41\uff0c\u6700\u597d\u7531\u89c2\u4f17\u6765\u56de\u7b54\uff0c\u7136\u540e\u62cd\u963f\u4e09\u80a9\u8180\uff0c\u505a\u8d5e\u8bb8\u72b6\uff09 Good idea! But who is the right candidate?
\u963f\u4e09\uff1aAfter screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.
\u592a\u5b50\uff1aWell, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?
\u963f\u4e09\uff1aYes.
Action II
\uff08\u300a\u5341\u9762\u57cb\u4f0f\u300b\u4e2d\u5218\u5fb7\u534e&\u91d1\u6210\u6b66\u51b3\u6597\u65f6\u7684\u97f3\u4e50\uff09
\u8346\u8f72
Are you Li mochou?
\u674e\u83ab\u6101
Yes.
\u8346\u8f72
OK. I\u2019m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers\u2019 world.
\u674e\u83ab\u6101
Are you challenging me?
\u8346\u8f72
Off course! \u8038\u8038\u80a9\u8868\u793a\u540c\u610f
\u674e\u83ab\u6101
Come on!
\u97f3\u4e50\u8d77
\u4e24\u4eba\u51b2\u4e0a\u524d\u6765
\u201c\u4eba\u5728\u6c5f\u6e56\u6f02\u554a\uff0c\u54ea\u6709\u4e0d\u6328\u5200\u554a\uff0c\u4e00\u5200\u780d\u6b7b\u4f60\u554a\uff0c\u4e24\u5200\u780d\u6b7b\u4f60\u554a\u3002\u3002\u3002\u3002\u201d
\u674e\u83ab\u6101\u5012\u5730
\u8346\u8f72\u5927\u7b11
\u674e\u83ab\u6101\u75db\u82e6\u72b6\uff1aWhat happened? Why aren\u2019t you hurt?
\u8346\u8f72: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? \uff08\u8d62\u4e00\u4e2a\u4eba\u9700\u8981\u7406\u7531\u4e48\uff0c\u4e0d\u9700\u8981\u4e48\uff0c\u9700\u8981\u4e48\uff1f\uff09
\u674e\u83ab\u6101\uff1aMomma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right.
\u8346\u8f72\u518d\u6b21\u5927\u7b11
\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\u4e0a\uff08\u62b1\u62f3\uff09\uff1aHow are you?
\u8346\u67ef\uff1aFine, thank you, and you?
\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\uff1aOh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to \u201cHow are you\u201d?
\u8346\u67ef\uff1aSure!
\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\uff1aHow are you?
\u8346\u67ef\uff1aFine, thank you, and your wife?
\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\u6655\u5012
\u8346\u67ef\uff1aHey, man, I\u2019m kidding!
\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\uff1aOh, I\u2019m kidding too!\uff08\u6bd5\u606d\u6bd5\u656c\uff09May I have your name card, please?
\u8346\u8f72\u4ece\u515c\u91cc\u638f\u51fa\u4e00\u5377\u7eb8\uff0c\u4e0a\u9762\u5199\u7740\uff1a
To be or not to be, that's a question.
\u963f\u4e09\uff1aHero\uff0cwe need your help.
\u8346\u67ef\uff1aI am busy now!
\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\uff1aYou can get a lot of money.
\u8346\u67ef\uff1aI am very busy now!
\u963f\u4e09\uff1aIC, ID, IQ card?
\u8346\u67ef\uff1aI am very very busy now!
\u963f\u4e09(\u624b\u6307\u4e0a\u573a\u7684\u7f8e\u5973\uff0c\u6fc0\u52a8\u72b6): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.
\u8346\u67ef\uff08\u6d41\u53e3\u6c34\uff09\uff1aI have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!
\u963f\u4e09\uff1aWhat? What\u2019s the TCM?
\u8346\u67ef; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn\u2019t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.
\u963f\u4e09\uff1aExcuse me? What\u2019s the TCM?
\u89c2\u4f17\u7532\uff1aTCM - Traditional Chinese MM .
\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\uff1aI must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.
\u8346\u67ef\uff08\u6fc0\u52a8\uff09\uff1aSlimming tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn\u2019t reduce my weight.
\u963f\u4e09\uff1aYou want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I\u2019m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?\u4f60\u4e0d\u662f\u771f\u7684\u60f3\u8981\u5427\uff1f\u96be\u9053\u4f60\u771f\u7684\u60f3\u8981\u5417\u2026\u2026
\uff08\u300aNo matter\u300b\u97f3\u4e50\u8d77\uff0c\u8346\u8f72\u5148\u4e0e\u963f\u4e09\u8df3\u63a2\u6208\uff0c\u62e5\u5165\u6000\u4e2d\uff0c\u53c8\u7529\u51fa\u53bb\uff0c\u963f\u4e09\u505a\u5455\u5410\u72b6\u3002\u7136\u540e\u8346\u8f72\u4e0e\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\u8df3\u4f26\u5df4\uff0c\u6700\u540e\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\u6446\u4e00\u4e2a\u5973\u6027\u5316\u7684\u9020\u578b\uff0c\u5411\u540e\u5f2f\u8170\u5e76\u62ac\u5176\u4e2d\u4e00\u6761\u817f\uff0c\u8346\u8f72\u505a\u8c03\u620f\u72b6\u3002\uff09
\u8346\u67ef(\u8bda\u6073\u72b6) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.
\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\u4e0e\u963f\u4e09\uff08\u649e\u80ef\uff0c\u51fb\u638c\uff09Yeah!
Action \u0428
\uff08\u300a\u5927\u8bdd\u897f\u6e38\u300b\u4e3b\u9898\u66f2\u54cd\u8d77\uff09
\u8346\u73c2\u633d\u7740\u59bb\u5b50\uff0c\u592a\u5b50\u4e39,\u963f\u4e09\u5728\u540e.
\u963f\u4e09\uff1aHero, we have already reached Yishui River.
\u8346\u73c2\uff1aJust stop here, please. Farewell, my friends
\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\uff1aI will miss you, baby.
\uff08\u592a\u5b50\u4e39\uff0c\u963f\u4e09\u4e0b\u3002\u505c\u987f\u3002\u300a\u6cf0\u5766\u5c3c\u514b\u53f7\u300b\u4e3b\u9898\u66f2\u8d77\uff0c\u8346\u8f72\u4e0e\u59bb\u5b50\u505aJack\u548crose\u5728\u8239\u5934\u7684\u7ecf\u5178\u9020\u578b\uff0c\u5ffd\u7136\u8346\u8f72\u770b\u5230\u4e00\u4e2a\u7f8e\u5973\u2014\u2014\u6b64\u65f6\u4e00\u4e2a\u4e2d\u56fd\u53e4\u5178\u7f8e\u5973\u7ecf\u8fc7\uff0c\u5411\u8346\u8f72\u629b\u5a9a\u773c\uff0c\u5e76\u629b\u4e0b\u5b9a\u60c5\u624b\u7ee2\u3002\u8346\u8f72\u9ad8\u5174\u7684\u76ef\u7740\u7f8e\u5973\u770b\uff0c\u59bb\u5b50\u53d1\u89c9\u4e0d\u5bf9\uff0c\u626d\u8fc7\u5934\u6765\u3002\uff09
\u8346\u73c2\uff08\u6025\u5fd9\u6536\u655b\uff09\uff1aDarling, I love you.
\u59bb\u5b50\uff1aI love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!\uff08\u300a\u8096\u7533\u514b\u7684\u6551\u8d4e\u300b\uff09
\u8346\u73c2(\u6d41\u6cea) \uff1aI love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (\u54ea\u6015\u662f\u4e16\u754c\u672b\u65e5\u6211\u90fd\u4f1a\u7231\u7740\u4f60\uff0c\u9009\u81ea\u300a\u98d8\u300b)
\u59bb\u5b50\uff1aWell. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you.
\u8346\u73c2\uff08\u6b32\u8d70\u8fd8\u7559\uff0c\u6267\u5b50\u4e4b\u624b\u53c8\u66f0\uff09\uff1aSweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise\uff08\u6cf0\u5766\u5c3c\u514b\u53f7\u6c89\u8239\u65f6\uff0cJack\u5bf9Rose\u7684\u503e\u8bc9\uff09.
\u59bb\u5b50:"I promise."
\u8346\u8f72:"Never let go. \u201c
\u59bb\u5b50:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."
\uff08\u8346\u8f72\u7684\u53d1\u97f3\u548cjack\u5f88\u50cf\uff0c\u6240\u4ee5\u52a0\u4e86\u4e00\u4e9b\u300a\u6cf0\u5766\u5c3c\u514b\u53f7\u300b\u7684\u53f0\u8bcd\u3002\uff09
\u59bb\u5b50\u52aa\u529b\u6324\u51fa\u51e0\u6ef4\u773c\u6cea\uff0c
\u8346\u73c2\u4e0a\u8239\uff0c\u6e10\u6e10\u8fdc\u53bb
\u59bb\u5b50\uff1aIt\u2019s a good day to die. Never come back. Never\u2026\u2026 Never\u2026\u2026
\u59bb\u5b50(\u638f\u51fa\u624b\u673a\u62e8\u53f7\uff0c\u963f\u4e09\u63a5\u624b\u673a)\uff1a Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.
\u963f\u4e09\uff1aOkay okay!
\u65c1\u767d\uff1aThen Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.
\u60f3\u8981\u66f4\u591a\u767e\u5ea6\u6d88\u606f\u8bf4
wander severy five miles
焦仲卿johnny(jforshort)刘兰芝lunch(lforshort)
焦母johnny’s mother(jmforshort)刘母lunch’s mother(lmforshort)
太守之子mayor’sson(msforshort)强盗burglars(a&b)
prologue
(j作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,j被打中,狼狈不堪)
j:everybody says that i’m hen pecked, but in fact,i’m a strong tiger,(小声)while my
wife is wusong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)i’m not afraid of you!
(内砸出一脸盆,j接住当成盾牌护着头) My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.she is braver than me,smarter than me and stronger than me .all this i don’t care. i only want she to be tender than me. but she is not! having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中j)
my god! who can help me?(下)
act1
(序幕结束时,jm作窃听状)
jm(拄拐棍上):(对门内)Lunch! Lunch! where are you?
l(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):i’m here! what’s up ，mum?
jm:i have told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother in law”.
l:ok.my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up?
jm:since you married my son you have behaved so badly.you have been so rude, so brusque,so lazy……
l:but……
jm:never interrupt me!
l:never interrupt me! since i married your son, that terrible johnny,i have been working hard all day long,cooking and washing！ i have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken
and……
jm:but all those you have done aren’t as valuable as a grandson!
l(生气地挥动着锅铲):oh,you want a grandson?(开始解围裙)go and ask your son. i’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在jm的脸上,下)
act2
(l拿着锅铲拨电话)
嘟嘟嘟嘟……
l:Hello,Is that mum!？
lm:Yes,honey,what happened?
l:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
Lm（大声啊大声）:see! when you insisted on marrying that terrible johnny, i told you that he is ugly tupid and poor, but you did not listen to me！
l：but,mum……
lm:never interrupt me!
l:i’m not interrupting you！i just want to tell you that you are always right ok? And i’ll marry whomever you want me to.
lm(大喜):nice girl! just now, i met the mayor’s son in the market.he said:“if your daughter
haven’t been married,i really really want to marry her!”now you are free again, i ’ll go
and tell him.（挂电话）
l(握着电话，惊愕):what? the mayor’s son?the most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood? (手中的锅
铲掉在地上)what a silly thing i have done!(下)
act3
(j睡眼惺忪上)
j(边走边道):lunch! lunch! where are my socks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)here they are!(闻一下) er! how smelly!
(突然想起)lunch has gone! i have to wash them myself.
jm(上):where’s my breakfast? where’s Lunch?
j:mum, can’t you remember?Lunch has gone!
jm(沉吟片刻):well, a son without a wife is useless. Lunch is a nice girl,go and take her back!
j(立正敬礼):yes madam!
act4
(j开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
a:（伸手拦路）stop!
the road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
b:and i planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上，但踩到了a的脚，a抱脚跳做痛苦状)
b:if you want to go by this street---
a、b:give us all your money!
j(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角纸币):is 1mao enough?
(2强盗晕倒状，接着聚在一边商量)
a:what bad luck! this guy is broken!
b:if we cannot rob any money today,we will have no thing to eat tonight!
a:Hey,i heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry miss liulanzhi next week.we can go and rob the wedding!
b:good idea!
j(惊讶):what? what? lunch is going to get married? it’s impossible!
a&b:why?
j:Lunch is my wife! we haven’t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)Oh!you are going to rob the wedding, don’t you? i’ll go with you. you take the money and i take the bride.
b:have you got any experience?
j:no. but i’ve got this!(j脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)
act5
(转眼已到婚礼之期．ms意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，l盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(j和三强盗跃至台中)
ab&j:Stop!
a:the road is built by me!
b:and i planted one tree.
j:if you want to go by this street---
ab&j:give us all your money!
(l听到j的声音，掀起了盖头)
l(惊喜万分):johnny!(飞奔到j的身边并躲到了的身后)
(ms大怒，挥拳向j打来．j矮身一躲，ms打中了j身后的l，l晕倒)
j(火冒三丈):how dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向ms冲去）
(j与ms混战，操起锅铲击晕ms，将ms胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
j(扶起l，关切地问):honey, how are you?
l(哭状):i hurt a lot!
j:don’t cry baby.i’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
l(起身去追):wai……wait for me! (跑下)
END
http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_5e9fa0040100dco1.html 是《喜羊羊与灰太狼》的。已经大获成功，视频：http://blog.sina.com.cn/s/blog_5e9fa0040100dgzd.html~type=v5_one&label=rela_nextarticle
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