英语小短文，小笑话（限1小时内回答，重金悬赏） 关于英语的小趣事,小短文,或小笑话......
\u82f1\u8bed\u5c0f\u7b11\u8bdd\uff0c\u8d8a\u77ed\u8d8a\u597d\uff0c\u5e26\u7ffb\u8bd11\u3001Goldfish\u91d1\u9c7c
Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom \u3002
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold\uff08\u8499\u773c\u775b\uff09them!
\u65af\u4e39\uff1a\u6211\u8d62\u4e86 92 \u6761\u91d1\u9c7c\u3002
\u5f17\u96f7\u5fb7\uff1a\u4f60\u60f3\u5728\u54ea\u513f\u517b\u5b83\u4eec\uff1f
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\u65af\u4e39\uff1a\u8499\u4f4f\u5b83\u4eec\u7684\u773c\u775b\uff01
2\u3001 The Revenge \u6b3a\u9a97\u7684\u4ee3\u4ef7
Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With alow voice he said to his wife: "When I'm dead I want you to marry farmerJones." Wife: "No, I can't marry anyone after you." Johnson:"But I want you to." Wife: "But why?" Johnson: "Jonesonce cheated me in a horse deal!"
\u8001\u519c\u7ea6\u7ff0\u900a\u5c31\u8981\u6b7b\u4e86\u3002\u4ed6\u7684\u5bb6\u4eba\u90fd\u7ad9\u5728\u5e8a\u8fb9\u3002\u4ed6\u58f0\u97f3\u4f4e\u6c89\u5730\u5bf9\u59bb\u5b50\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u6211\u6b7b\u540e\uff0c\u6211\u60f3\u4f60\u5ac1\u7ed9\u519c\u592b\u743c\u65af\u3002\u201d \u59bb\u5b50\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u4e0d\uff0c\u5728\u4f60\u6b7b\u540e\uff0c\u6211\u4e0d\u80fd\u5ac1\u7ed9\u4efb\u4f55\u4eba\u3002\u201d \u7ea6\u7ff0\u900a\uff1a\u201c\u4f46\u6211\u5e0c\u671b\u4f60\u8fd9\u4e48\u505a\u3002\u201d \u59bb\u5b50\uff1a\u201c\u4e3a\u4ec0\u4e48\uff1f\u201d \u7ea6\u7ff0\u900a\uff1a\u201c\u56e0\u4e3a\u743c\u65af\u66fe\u5728\u4e00\u7b14\u8d29\u9a6c\u7684\u4ea4\u6613\u4e2d\u6b3a\u9a97\u4e86\u6211\u3002\u201d
3\u3001I think that I'm a chicken \u6211\u60f3\u6211\u662f\u4e00\u53ea\u9e21
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
\u7cbe\u795e\u75c5\u533b\u5e08\uff1a\u4f60\u54ea\u91cc\u4e0d\u8212\u670d\uff1f
\u75c5\u4eba\uff1a\u6211\u8ba4\u4e3a\u6211\u662f\u4e00\u53ea\u9e21\u3002
\u7cbe\u795e\u75c5\u533b\u5e08\uff1a\u8fd9\u79cd\u60c5\u51b5\u4ece\u4ec0\u4e48\u65f6\u5019\u5f00\u59cb\u7684\uff1f
\u75c5\u4eba\uff1a\u4ece\u6211\u8fd8\u662f\u4e00\u53ea\u86cb\u7684\u65f6\u5019\u5f00\u59cb\u3002
4\u3001How do I get the gum out\u6211\u600e\u4e48\u628a\u53e3\u9999\u7cd6\u53d6\u51fa\u6765
Distributing chewing gum to the passengers, the stewardess explained it was to keeptheir ears from popping. When the plane landed, one of the passengers rushed upto her and said, "I'm meeting my wife right away. How do I get the gum outfrom my ears?"
\u5f53\u7a7a\u4e2d\u5c0f\u59d0\u7ed9\u4e58\u5ba2\u4eec\u53d1\u53e3\u9999\u7cd6\u7684\u65f6\u5019\uff0c\u5979\u89e3\u91ca\u8bf4\u53e3\u9999\u7cd6\u6709\u52a9\u4e8e\u4ed6\u4eec\u9632\u6b62\u8033\u9e23\u3002\u98de\u673a\u7740\u9646\u540e\uff0c\u4e00\u4f4d\u4e58\u5ba2\u8dd1\u5230\u8fd9\u4f4d\u7a7a\u4e2d\u5c0f\u59d0\u9762\u524d\uff0c\u8bf4\u9053\uff1a\u201c \u6211\u9a6c\u4e0a\u5c31\u8981\u89c1\u5230\u6211\u59bb\u5b50\u4e86\u3002\u6211\u600e\u4e48\u624d\u80fd\u628a\u53e3\u9999\u7cd6\u4ece\u8033\u6735\u91cc\u9762\u53d6\u51fa\u6765\u5462\uff1f\u201d
5\u3001 Where Am I \u6211\u5728\u54ea\u513f
An Englishman lost his way while he was driving in the countryside. He saw afarmer working in the field nearby, so he went nearer in his car and asked the farmer,"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" "Yes, " the farmerlooked at him strangely and said, "you are in your car, sir."
\u4e00\u4e2a\u82f1\u56fd\u4eba\u5728\u4e61\u4e0b\u5f00\u8f66\u65f6\u8ff7\u4e86\u8def\uff0c\u4ed6\u770b\u89c1\u4e00\u4e2a\u519c\u6c11\u6b63\u5728\u9644\u8fd1\u7684\u5730\u91cc\u5e72\u6d3b\u3002\u4e8e\u662f\u4ed6\u5c31\u628a\u8f66\u5f00\u8fc7\u53bb\u95ee\u90a3\u4f4d\u519c\u6c11\uff1a\u201c\u52b3\u9a7e\uff0c\u60a8\u80fd\u544a\u8bc9\u6211\u6211\u73b0\u5728\u8fd9\u662f\u5728\u54ea\u513f\u5417\uff1f\u201d \u201c\u53ef\u4ee5\u3002\u201d\u519c\u592b\u5947\u602a\u5730\u770b\u4e86\u770b\u4ed6\uff0c\u7136\u540e\u8bf4\u9053\uff1a\u201c\u4f60\u73b0\u5728\u5728\u4f60\u7684\u8f66\u5b50\u91cc\uff0c\u5148\u751f\u3002\u201d
6\u3001Chiefis at the wedding \u957f\u5b98\u5728\u5a5a\u793c\u4e0a
A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.
"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer."I'm going to put you injail until the chief gets back."
"But ,officer, I \u2026."
"I said to keep quiet! You are going to jail!"
A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Youare lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a goodmood when he gets back."
"Are you sure?" answered the man in the cell. "I'm thegroom."
\u5927\u8857\u4e0a\u7684\u4e00\u4e2a\u8d85\u901f\u9a7e\u9a76\u8005\u88ab\u8b66\u5bdf\u62e6\u4f4f\u4e86\u3002\u201c\u4f46\u662f\u8b66\u5b98\u201d\u8fd9\u4e2a\u4eba\u8bf4\u9053\uff0c\u201c\u6211\u53ef\u4ee5\u89e3\u91ca\u7684\u201d\u3002\u201c\u4fdd\u6301\u5b89\u9759\u201d\uff0c\u8b66\u5bdf\u7a81\u7136\u8bf4\u9053\u3002\u201c\u6211\u5c06\u628a\u4f60\u9001\u5f80\u76d1\u72f1\uff0c\u76f4\u5230\u957f\u5b98\u56de\u6765\u3002\u201c\u4f46\u662f\uff0c\u8b66\u5bdf\uff0c\u6211\uff0c\uff0c\uff0c\u201d\u3002\u201c\u6211\u8bf4\u8fc7\u4e86\u4fdd\u6301\u5b89\u9759\uff0c\u4f60\u8981\u5230\u76d1\u72f1\u4e86\u3002\u201d\u51e0\u5c0f\u65f6\u540e\uff0c\u8b66\u5bdf\u5411\u76d1\u72f1\u91cc\u770b\u4e86\u770b\u8bf4\u9053\u201c\u7b97\u4f60\u8fd0\u6c14\u597d\uff0c\u56e0\u4e3a\u6211\u4eec\u7684\u957f\u5b98\u6b63\u5728\u4ed6\u5973\u513f\u7684\u5a5a\u793c\u4e0a\u3002\u4ed6\u5c06\u5e26\u7740\u4e00\u4e2a\u6109\u5feb\u7684\u5fc3\u60c5\u56de\u6765\u7684\u3002\u201d \u201c\u4f60\u786e\u5b9a\u201d\u5728\u7262\u623f\u91cc\u7684\u8fd9\u4e2a\u4eba\u8bf4\u9053\u3002\u201c\u6211\u5c31\u662f\u65b0\u90ce\u5440\u201d\u3002
7\u3001Who Is the Laziest \u8c01\u6700\u61d2
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you aquestion. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing andwriting, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
\u7236\u4eb2\uff1a\u54ce\uff0c\u6c64\u59c6\uff0c\u4eca\u5929\u6211\u8ddf\u4f60\u4eec\u8001\u5e08\u8c08\u8fc7\uff0c\u73b0\u5728\u6211\u60f3\u95ee\u4f60\u4e2a\u95ee\u9898\u3002\u4f60\u4eec\u73ed\u4e0a\u8c01\u6700\u61d2\uff1f\u6c64\u59c6\uff1a\u6211\u4e0d\u77e5\u9053\uff0c\u7238\u7238\u3002\u7236\u4eb2\uff1a\u554a\uff0c\u4e0d\u5bf9\uff0c\u4f60\u77e5\u9053\uff01\u60f3\u60f3\u770b\uff0c\u5f53\u522b\u7684\u5b69\u5b50\u4eec\u90fd\u5728\u505a\u4f5c\u4e1a\u3001\u5199\u5b57\u65f6\uff0c\u8c01\u5728\u8bfe\u5802\u4e0a\u5750\u7740\uff0c\u53ea\u662f\u770b\u4eba\u5bb6\u505a\u529f\u8bfe\uff1f\u6c64\u59c6\uff1a\u6211\u4eec\u8001\u5e08\uff0c\u7238\u7238\u3002
8\u3001TwoBirds \u4e24\u53ea\u9e1f
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now whocan tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside theswallow.
\u8001\u5e08\uff1a \u8fd9\u513f\u6709\u4e24\u53ea\u9e1f\uff0c\u4e00\u53ea\u662f\u9ebb\u96c0\u3002\u8c01\u80fd\u6307\u51fa\u54ea\u53ea\u662f\u71d5\u5b50\uff0c\u54ea\u53ea\u662f\u9ebb\u96c0\u5417\uff1f\u5b66\u751f\uff1a\u6211\u6307\u4e0d\u51fa\uff0c\u4f46\u6211\u77e5\u9053\u7b54\u6848\u3002\u8001\u5e08\uff1a\u8bf7\u8bf4\u8bf4\u770b\u3002\u5b66\u751f\uff1a\u71d5\u5b50\u65c1\u8fb9\u7684\u5c31\u662f\u9ebb\u96c0\uff0c\u9ebb\u96c0\u65c1\u8fb9\u7684\u5c31\u662f\u71d5\u5b50\u3002
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e00\uff09
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
\u7334\u5b50\u4f1a\u548c\u8df3\u86a4\u6709\u4ec0\u4e48\u4e0d\u540c\u5462\uff1f\u4f60\u53ef\u80fd\u4f1a\u76f4\u63a5\u7684\u60f3\u5230\u5b83\u4eec\u4fe9\u662f\u4e00\u5927\u4e00\u5c0f\u3002\u4f46\u9664\u6b64\u4e4b\u5916\u5462\uff0c\u90a3\u5c31\u662f\u7334\u5b50\u8eab\u4e0a\u53ef\u4ee5\u957f\u8df3\u86a4\uff0c\u800c\u8df3\u86a4\u8eab\u4e0a\u5374\u4e0d\u80fd\u6709\u7334\u5b50\u3002\u8fd9\u4e2a\u7b54\u6848\u5f88\u6709\u610f\u601d\u5427\uff1f
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
\u5982\u679c\u4f60\u8e29\u4e86\u519c\u592b\u7684\u7389\u7c73\u6216\u662f\u8c37\u7269\uff0c\u4ed6\u80af\u5b9a\u4f1a\u751f\u6c14\u7684\uff1b\u800c\u5982\u679c\u4f60\u8e29\u4e86\u519c\u592b\u811a\u5e95\u7684\u9e21\u773c\uff0c\u4ed6\u4f1a\u66f4\u751f\u6c14\u3002Corn\u65e2\u53ef\u4ee5\u8868\u793a\u201c\u7389\u7c73/\u8c37\u7269\u201d\uff0c\u4e5f\u6709\u201c\u9e21\u773c\u201d\u7684\u610f\u601d\u3002
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
\u56e0\u4e3asnail\uff08\u8717\u725b\uff09\u7684\u540e\u80cc\u4e0a\u603b\u662f\u80cc\u7740\u4e00\u6240\u623f\u5b50\uff0c\u6240\u4ee5\u8bf4\u8717\u725b\u662f\u4e16\u754c\u4e0a\u6700\u5f3a\u58ee\u7684\u751f\u7269\u662f\u4e0d\u8db3\u4e3a\u5947\u7684\u3002\u4f60\u8bf4\u5462\uff1f
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
\u4e00\u770b\u5230make faces\u8fd9\u4e2a\u77ed\u8bed\uff0c\u4f60\u53ef\u5343\u4e07\u522b\u4ee5\u4e3a\u662f\u5728\u949f\u8868\u5382\u5de5\u4f5c\u7684\u4eba\u6574\u5929\u90fd\u505a\u9b3c\u8138\u5440\uff01\u56e0\u4e3a\u9664\u4e86\u8fd9\u4e2a\u610f\u601d\u4ee5\u5916\uff0c\u5b83\u8fd8\u53ef\u4ee5\u4ece\u5b57\u9762\u4e0a\u89e3\u91ca\u4e3a\u5236\u9020\u949f\u9762\u3002
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
\u600e\u6837\u624d\u80fd\u4e0d\u8ba9\u68a6\u6e38\u8005\uff08sleepwalker\uff09\u68a6\u6e38\uff08walk in his sleep\uff09\u5462\uff1f\u6700\u7b80\u5355\u7684\u65b9\u6cd5\u5c31\u662f\u4e0d\u8ba9\u4ed6\u7761\u89c9\u3002\u867d\u7136\u8fd9\u4e0d\u662f\u6cbb\u7597\u65b9\u6cd5\uff0c\u4f46\u5982\u679c\u8ba9\u68a6\u6e38\u8005\u9192\u7740\u5462\uff0c\u4ed6\u7684\u786e\u5c31\u4e0d\u4f1a\u53bb\u68a6\u6e38\u4e86\u3002
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e8c\uff09
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
\u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269
-- \u6211\u53d4\u53d4\u4e0b\u9762\u67091000\u4e2a\u4eba\u3002
-- \u4ed6\u771f\u662f\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u4eba\u7269\u3002\u5e72\u4ec0\u4e48\u7684\uff1f
-- \u5893\u5730\u5b88\u5893\u4eba\u3002
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e09\uff09
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
\u5b83\u4eec\u662f\u4ece\u7f8e\u56fd\u76f4\u63a5\u5e26\u6765\u7684
\u4e00\u4f4d\u4e2d\u56fd\u8001\u5987\u4eba\u5728\u7f8e\u56fd\u770b\u671b\u5973\u513f\u56de\u6765\u4e0d\u4e45\uff0c\u5230\u4e00\u5bb6\u5e02\u94f6\u884c\u5b58\u5973\u513f\u9001\u7ed9\u5979\u7684\u7f8e\u5143\u3002\u5728\u94f6\u884c\u67dc\u53f0\uff0c\u94f6\u884c\u804c\u5458\u8ba4\u771f\u68c0\u67e5\u4e86\u6bcf\u4e00\u5f20\u949e\u7968\uff0c\u770b\u662f\u5426\u6709\u5047\u3002
\u8fd9\u79cd\u505a\u6cd5\u8ba9\u8001\u5987\u4eba\u5f88\u4e0d\u8010\u70e6\uff0c\u6700\u540e\u5b9e\u5728\u5fcd\u8010\u4e0d\u4f4f\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u76f8\u4fe1\u6211\uff0c\u5148\u751f\uff0c\u4e5f\u8bf7\u4f60\u76f8\u4fe1\u8fd9\u4e9b\u949e\u7968\u3002\u8fd9\u90fd\u662f\u771f\u6b63\u7684\u7f8e\u5143\uff0c\u5b83\u4eec\u662f\u4ece\u7f8e\u56fd\u76f4\u63a5\u5e26\u6765\u7684\u3002\u201d
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u56db\uff09my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
\u6211\u7684\u72d7\u4e0d\u8bc6\u5b57
\u5e03\u6717\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u54e6\uff0c
\u4eb2\u7231\u7684\uff0c\u6211\u628a\u73cd\u7231\u7684\u5c0f\u72d7\u7ed9\u4e22\u4e86\uff01
\u53f2\u5bc6\u65af\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u53ef\u662f\u4f60\u8be5\u5728\u62a5\u7eb8\u4e0a\u767b\u5e7f\u544a\u554a\uff01
\u5e03\u6717\u592b\u4eba\uff1a\u6ca1\u6709\u7528\u7684\uff0c\u6211\u7684\u5c0f\u72d7\u4e0d\u8ba4\u8bc6\u5b57\u3002\u201d
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e94\uff09Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
\u7ed9\u6211\u90a3\u4e2a\u6253\u8d62\u7684\u5427
-- \u670d\u52a1\u5458\uff0c
\u8fd9\u4e2a\u9f99\u867e\u53ea\u6709\u4e00\u53ea\u722a\u3002
-- \u5bf9\u4e0d\u8d77\uff0c\u5148\u751f\uff0c\u8fd9\u53ea\u80af\u5b9a\u6253\u8fc7\u67b6\u4e86\u3002
-- \u54e6\uff0c \u90a3\u7ed9\u6211\u90a3\u4e2a\u6253\u8d62\u7684\u5427\u3002
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u516d\uff09The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
\u541d\u556c\u9b3c\u8bf7\u5ba2
\u4e00\u4e2a\u51fa\u4e86\u540d\u7684\u541d\u556c\u9b3c\u7ec8\u4e8e\u51b3\u5b9a\u8981\u8bf7\u4e00\u6b21\u5ba2\u4e86\u3002\u4ed6\u5728\u5411\u4e00\u4e2a\u670b\u53cb\u89e3\u91ca\u600e\u4e48\u627e\u5230\u4ed6\u5bb6\u65f6\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u4f60\u4e0a\u5230\u4e94\u697c\uff0c\u627e\u4e2d\u95f4\u90a3\u4e2a\u95e8\uff0c\u7136\u540e\u7528\u4f60\u7684\u80f3\u818a\u8098\u6309\u95e8\u94c3\u3002\u95e8\u5f00\u4e86\u4e4b\u540e\uff0c\u518d\u7528\u4f60\u7684\u811a\u628a\u95e8\u63a8\u5f00\u3002\u201d
\u201c\u4e3a\u4ec0\u4e48\u8981\u7528\u6211\u7684\u8098\u548c\u811a\u5462\uff1f\u201d
\u201c\u4f60\u7684\u53cc\u624b\u5f97\u62ff\u793c\u7269\u554a\u3002\u5929\u54ea\uff0c\u4f60\u603b\u4e0d\u4f1a\u7a7a\u7740\u624b\u6765\u5427\uff1f\u201d\u541d\u556c\u9b3c\u56de\u7b54\u3002
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e03\uff09Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
\u5fe0\u544a\u201c\u5e74\u8f7b\u8005\u201d
\u8fd9\u91cc\u60f3\u5bf9\u5c06\u8981\u9000\u4f11\u8005\u63d0\u4e00\u70b9\u5fe0\u544a\u3002\u5982\u679c\u4f60\u53ea\u670965\u5c81\u7684\u8bdd\uff0c
\u5343\u4e07\u522b\u8fdb\u9000\u4f11\u793e\u533a\u3002\u56e0\u4e3a\u90a3\u91cc\u4eba\u4eba\u90fd\u4e03\u516b\u5341\u5c81\u6216\u8005\u516b\u4e5d\u5341\u5c81\u4e86\u3002\u6bcf\u5f53\u8981\u642c\u4e1c\u897f\uff0c\u62ac\u4e1c\u897f\u6216\u8005\u88c5\u4e1c\u897f\u65f6\uff0c\u4ed6\u4eec\u5c31\u53eb\u558a\uff0c\u201c\u8ba9\u5c0f\u7684\u5e72\u5427\u3002\u201d
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u516b\uff09Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
\u54ea\u4e00\u4f4d\u5973\u4eba\uff1f
\u4e00\u5929\u665a\u4e0a\u6211\u5f00\u7740\u4e08\u592b\u7684\u8f66\u53bb\u8d2d\u7269\uff0c\u56de\u6765\u540e\u53d1\u73b0\u8f66\u8eab\u6cbe\u6ee1\u7070\u5c18\uff0c\u4e8e\u662f\u64e6\u6d17\u4e86\u4e00\u9635\u3002\u5f53\u6211\u7ec8\u4e8e\u8d70\u8fdb\u5c4b\u91cc\u65f6\u5927\u58f0\u558a\uff1a\u201c\u4e16\u754c\u4e0a\u6700\u7231\u4f60\u7684\u5973\u4eba\u521a\u64e6\u6d17\u4e86\u4f60\u7684\u8f66\u706f\u548c\u6321\u98ce\u73bb\u7483\u3002\u201d
\u6211\u4e08\u592b\u62ac\u5934\u770b\u4e86\u770b\uff0c\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u5988\u5988\u6765\u4e86\uff1f\u201d
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u4e5d\uff09The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
\u533b\u751f\u4f4f\u5728\u697c\u4e0b
\u201c\u533b\u751f\u201d\u5979\u51b2\u8fdb\u5c4b\u540e\u5927\u58f0\u8bf4\u9053\u3002
\u201c\u6211\u60f3\u8ba9\u4f60\u5766\u7387\u5730\u8bf4\u6211\u5230\u5e95\u5f97\u4e86\u4ec0\u4e48\u75c5\u3002\u201d
\u4ed6\u4ece\u5934\u5230\u811a\u6253\u91cf\u6253\u91cf\u5979\uff0c\u7136\u540e\u5927\u58f0\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u592a\u592a\uff0c\u6211\u6709\u4e09\u4ef6\u4e8b\u8981\u5bf9\u4f60\u8bf4\u3002\u7b2c\u4e00\uff0c\u60a8\u7684\u4f53\u91cd\u9700\u8981\u51cf\u5c11\u5927\u7ea650\u78c5\uff1b\u7b2c\u4e8c\uff0c\u5982\u679c\u60a8\u8981\u7528\u4e0a\u5341\u5206\u4e4b\u4e00\u7684\u80ed\u8102\u548c\u53e3\u7ea2\uff0c\u60a8\u7684\u7f8e\u8c8c\u5c06\u4f1a\u6539\u53d8\u3002\u7b2c\u4e09\uff0c\u6211\u662f\u4e00\u4f4d\u753b\u5bb6\u2014\u2014\u533b\u751f\u4f4f\u5728\u697c\u4e0b\u3002\u201d
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd\uff08\u5341\uff09One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
\u53ea\u5269\u4e00\u4e2a\u5f15\u64ce
\u4e00\u67b6747\u5ba2\u673a\u6b63\u5728\u8de8\u8d8a\u5927\u897f\u6d0b\u65f6\uff0c\u5587\u53ed\u91cc\u4f20\u6765\u4e86\u673a\u957f\u7684\u58f0\u97f3\uff1a\u201c\u65c5\u5ba2\u4eec\u8bf7\u6ce8\u610f\uff0c\u6211\u4eec\u7684\u56db\u4e2a\u5f15\u64ce\u4e2d\u6709\u4e00\u4e2a\u4e22\u5931\u4e86\u3002\u4f46\u5269\u4e0b\u7684\u4e09\u4e2a\u5f15\u64ce\u4f1a\u628a\u6211\u4eec\u5e26\u5230\u4f26\u6566\u7684\u3002\u53ea\u662f\u6211\u4eec\u8981\u56e0\u6b64\u665a\u5230\u4e00\u5c0f\u65f6 \u3002\u201d \u8fc7\u4e86\u4e00\u4f1a\u513f\uff0c\u65c5\u5ba2\u4eec\u53c8\u542c\u5230\u673a\u957f\u7684\u58f0\u97f3\uff1a\u201c\u5404\u4f4d\uff0c\u4f60\u4eec\u731c\u600e\u4e48\u5566 \uff1f\u6211\u4eec\u521a\u53c8\u6389\u4e86\u7b2c\u4e09\u4e2a\u5f15\u64ce\u3002\u4f46\u8bf7\u4f60\u4eec\u76f8\u4fe1\u597d\u4e86\u3002\u53ea\u6709\u4e00\u4e2a\u5f15\u64ce\u6211\u4eec\u4e5f\u80fd\u98de\uff0c\u4f46\u8981\u665a\u4e09\u4e2a\u5c0f\u65f6\u4e86\u3002\u201d \u6b63\u5728\u8fd9\u65f6\uff0c\u4e00\u4f4d\u4e58\u5ba2\u975e\u5e38\u6c14\u6124\u5730\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u770b\u5728\u4e0a\u5e1d\u7684\u4efd\u4e0a\uff0c\u5982\u679c\u6211\u4eec\u518d\u6389\u4e00\u4e2a\u5f15\u64ce\uff0c\u6211\u4eec\u5c31\u8981\u6574\u591c\u90fd\u8981\u5446\u5728\u5929\u4e0a\u4e86\u3002\u201d
3．Time【时间】
Lost time is never found again. This is something which I learned very clearly last semester. I spent so much time fooling around that my grades began to suffer. I finally realized that something had to be done. It was time for a change.
Now I have a new plan for using my time wisely. I have set my alarm clock ahead half an hour. This will give me a head start on the day. I have also decided to keep a log of what I do and when I do it. Looking back on what I’ve done will give me some ideas on how to reorganize my time.
时光一去不复返，这是我上学期清楚学到的教训。我浪费很多时间四处游荡，以致于我的成绩开始退步。最后我终于了解到我必须有所作为；该是痛改前非的时候了。
现在我有一个明智运用时间的新方法。我已将闹钟早拨半小时，这将使我这一天的作息提前开始。我也决定将我所做的一切及做这些事的时间记录下来。回顾我所做的事情会启发我如何重新安排我的时间。
4．Work and Play【工作与娱乐】
Work and play do not contradict each other; in fact, they complement each other. As the saying goes, "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." A life burdened with work leads you nowhere, for you would get tired and bored with your daily routine work. On the other hand, proper recreation will relieve the tension and discomfort of our monotonous life because it offers you various ways to let out your pent-up emotions.
What I usually do to relax after school is jogging and seeing movies. Usually I don't spare time for exercise, but I value the physical education class at school. Jogging several rounds in the field certainly relieves the day's pressure. On weekends, I'll catch the morning movie for my visual enjoyment. I feel revived and energetic for another week's work-load.
工作与娱乐并不互相冲突，事实上，它们之间的关系还相辅相成。有句格言说：「整日工作而没有休闲娱乐，会令人变得沉闷乏味。」被工作重担压得喘不过气来的生活，将使你一事无成，因为你将对一成不变的例行公事感到厌烦。由另一方面来说，适度的娱乐活动能提供各种管道，来渲泄你被压抑的情绪，减轻单调生活中的紧张与不悦。
放学之后，我最常做的休闲活动，便是慢跑与看电影。通常我并不特地拨出时间来做运动，但是我很重视学校的体育课。在操场上慢跑几圈，无疑地可以减轻一天的压力。在周末时，我都去看早场电影，享受视觉盛宴。如此一来，我将有如再生般的充沛活力，去面对下一星期的工作量。
5．My first Job【我的第一份工作】
My first job was at a cramming school. It was three years ago when I just graduated from junior high school and finished the entrance examination. since I had nothing to do that summer, I decided to find a job, tasting the joy of independence.
I was responsible for answering the telephone and taking the message. I worked eight hours a day, six days a week. The work was not difficult nor heavy to me and I guess I did well. The most delighted thing was perhaps that I could spend the money I earned all by myself.
我的第一份工作是在一家补习班做事。那是三年前我刚从国中毕业，考完联考时的事了。既然我那整个夏天都闲着没事，倒不如找份差事，尝尝独立赚钱的快乐。
我负责接听电话且纪录留言的工作。我一天工作八小时，一星期工作六天。那份工作对我而言既不困难亦不沉重，所以我想我还满称职的。而最令人快乐的事大概莫过于花全部由自己赚来的钱了！
6．My Favorite Sports【我最喜爱的运动】
Sports help everyone to keep healthy, happy, and efficient. So I pay special attention to games, especially table-tennis. Table tennis is my favorite game. I play it almost every day.
Table-tennis is an ideal game for us because it brings the whole body into action. It strengthens our muscles, expands our lungs, promotes the circulation of the blood, and causes a healthy action of the skin. Besides, it is very amusing and does not cost us much money. Table-tennis is very moderate; it is not so rough as football. It is an indoor game and can be played even on rainy days. Thus, it is my favorite kind of exercise.
运动能帮助每一个人保持健康、快乐和有效率。所以我特别重视运动，特别是桌球，桌球是我最喜欢的运动。我几乎每天玩。
桌球对我们而言，是一项理想的运动，因为它可以使我们全身运动，它可以增强我们的肌肉，扩张我们的肺部，促进血液循环，并且使肌肤产生健康作用，此外，它很有趣而且所费不多。桌球是相当温和适中的，它不像足球那么粗野。它是一种室内运动，甚至在下雨天也能玩。因此，桌球是我最喜爱的一种运动。
7．Fox and cock 【狐狸和公鸡】
One morning a fox sees a cock.He think,"This is my breakfast.''
He comes up to the cock and says,"I know you can sing very well.Can you sing for me?''The cock is glad.He closes his eyes and begins to sing.The fox sees that and catches him in his mouth and carries him away.
The people in the field see the fox.They cry,"Look,look!The fox is carrying the cock away.''
The cock says to the fox,"Mr Fox,do you understand?The people say you are carrying their cock away.Tell them it is yours.Not theirs.''
The fox opens his mouth and says,"The cock is mine,not yours.''Just then the cock runs away from the fox and flies into the tree.
一天早上，一只狐狸看到了一只公鸡。他想：这是我的早餐。
他朝公鸡走来，对他说：“我知道，你能唱得非常好听，你能唱给我听么？”公鸡很高兴。他闭上眼睛开始唱歌。狐狸看到这些抓住它放到自己的嘴里走了。
在田地里的人们看到了狐狸。大喊大叫：“看，看！狐狸抓住公鸡逃走了。”公鸡对狐狸说：“狐狸先生，你能理解么？人们认为你叼走了公鸡。告诉他们这是你的，不是他们的。”
狐狸张开她的嘴说：“公鸡是我的，不是你们的。”就在那时，公鸡逃离了狐狸的嘴巴，跑到了树底下。
8．The City Mouse and the Country Mouse 【城里老鼠和乡下老鼠】
Once there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, "Do come and see me at my house in the country." So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, "This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city."
The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, " Run! Run! The cat is coming!" They ran away quickly and hid.
After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, "I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid."
从前，有两只老鼠，它们是好朋友。一只老鼠居住在乡村，另一只住在城里。很多年以后，乡下老鼠碰到城里老鼠，它说：“你一定要来我乡下的家看看。”于是，城里老鼠就去了。乡下老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它自己的家里。它把所有最精美食物都找出来给城里老鼠。城里老鼠说：“这东西不好吃，你的家也不好，你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢？你应该搬到城里去住，你能住上用石头造的漂亮房子，还会吃上美味佳肴，你应该到我城里的家看看。”
乡下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。房子十分漂亮，好吃的东西也为他们摆好了。可是正当他们要开始吃的时候，听见很大的一阵响声，城里的老鼠叫喊起来：“快跑！快跑！猫来了！”他们飞快地跑开躲藏起来。
过了一会儿，他们出来了。当他们出来时，乡下老鼠说：“我不喜欢住在城里，我喜欢住在田野我的洞里。因为这样虽然贫穷但是快乐自在，比起虽然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说，要好些。”
9．But the teacher cried【可是老师哭了】
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”
“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”
10．Mixed doubles
Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？
Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”
体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？
尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢！
体育老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。
尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”
笑话：
Two birls
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.
鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
新老师
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。
"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"
A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.
The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.
一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。
这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。
他们都转是载其他答案！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
One day, a teacher took his pupils to a chicken farm to pay a visit. When they came near the incubator, chick just got out of its egg shell.
一天，老师带学生到养鸡场参观，当他们走近孵化器时，刚好一只小鸡破壳而出。
"It's wonderful to see a little thing come out from the egg shell, isn't it？" the teacher said.
“看见一个小生命从蛋壳里出来，岂不是很奇妙的吗？”老师说。
"Yes, sir." said one of the boys, " but it would be more wonderful if we knew how a chick gets in to its eggs hell before hand."
“是的，老师。”一个男学生说，“可是，如果我们知道它是怎样事先钻进蛋壳里的那就更奇妙了。”
Swimming:A small but saucy boy was on holiday at the seaside.He went down to the beach and said to the lifesaver,"Can I swim in the sea?" "Yes ,sonny,"said the lifeseaver."That is funny,"said the lad,"in the bathing pool at home I can not swim a stroke."
有汉字的不能用，汉字不是英文。推荐：
Hill, L. A. (1965). Advanced Stories for Reproduction. London: Oxford University Press.
Hill, L. A. (1965). Elementary Stories for Reproduction. London: Oxford University Press.
Hill, L. A. (1967). Intermediate Stories for Reproduction. London: Oxford University Press.
Hill, L. A. (1980). Advanced Steps to Understanding. Tokyo: Oxford University Press.
Hill, L. A. (1980). Elementary Anecdotes in American English. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.
Hill, L. A. (1980). Elementary Steps to Understanding. Tokyo: Oxford University Press.
Hill, L. A. (1980). Intermediate Anecdotes in American English. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.
Hill, L. A. (1980). Intermediate Steps to Understanding. Tokyo: Oxford University Press.
Hill, L. A. (1981). Advanced Anecdotes in American English. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.
非常具有英语特色，不是汉字特色。
声明一下：本人80年代用过这些书，不是转载其他人的答案或回答。谢谢。
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