简短英语笑话
简短英语笑话9篇
假如你是一个性格内向的人，那你就来看英语笑话吧，时间长了，你就会是一个性格开朗的人。下面由我为您整理的多篇英语笑话，以供您的阅读。
Now We Run 现在我们跑吧
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"
一个牧师正沿着街走路，这时他看到街对面有个小男孩正试图按一所房子的门铃。但这个小孩太小了，门铃又高，他够不着。看到那个小男孩费了很多劲，牧师走近了他。牧师优雅地穿过马路，走到小家伙的背后，轻轻地把手放在小男孩肩头，按响了门铃。他弯下身子，微笑着问道：“接下来怎么办，孩子?”小男孩回答说：“接下来我们跑。”
We Left Nothing 我们什么也没留下
Mrs Brown was going out for the day. She
locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman
on the door: "NOBODY HOME. DON’T LEAVE ANYTHING."
When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:
"THANKS! WE HAVEN’T LEFT ANYTHING!"
布朗太太要外出一天。 她锁好了房门，在门上给送牛奶的人钉了一张便条：“家里没人，请不要留下任何东西!” 她当天晚上回家后发现房间门被撞开，房子被洗劫一空。在她留给送奶人的便条上，她发现被补充了一句：“谢谢!我们什么也没留下!”
你以为你是谁?Who do you think you are?
The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.
“It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”
“I am the driver.” he said.
公共汽车上很挤，当又一个人还是试图上车时，乘客们不让他上。
“车上太挤了，”他们喊道，“你以为你是谁?”
“我是司机!”他说。
疯人院 The Looney Bin
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院)one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：“我是拿破仑!”另一个说：“你怎么知道?”第一个人说：“上帝对我说的!”一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：“我没说!”
我要做的一切就是付钱!All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,
and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your
position?"
"I’m the people. All I do is pay."
布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子
是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”
“听上去挺有意思的'，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢?”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”
万能的圣诞老人并非啥都知道
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
一个女孩爬到圣诞老人的膝盖上，圣诞老人例行公事的问：“今年圣诞节你想要什么呢?”
孩子瞪大眼睛惊讶的望着圣诞老人一分钟都没讲话，然后喘着气说到：“你没收到我的电子邮件吗?(我想要什么都写上面了，万能的圣诞老人咋能不知道捏)”
Psychiatrist 精神病医生
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!
杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的时候，我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!”“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”“费用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的。”杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“为什么你再也没来呢?”医生问。“一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那没人了!”
喂狗 For the Dog
The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"
"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"
一家人在饭馆里吃过晚饭，父亲把服务生叫了过来。
”先生，什么事?“服务生问。
”我儿子的盘子里剩下许多肉，“父亲说，”能给我们一个袋子吗?我把剩下的东西带回去喂狗。“
”啊呀，爸爸!“儿子激动地叫喊着。”咱家养狗了吗?“
脑移植 A Brain Transplant
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一个外科医生正要作一个脑移植手术。
“你可以从两个脑子中选一个给你。”医生告诉病人，“一个心理学家的大脑1000美元，一个政治家的大脑10000美元。
病人很惊讶二者之间这样大的差别，“政治家的大脑好一些吗?”他问。
医生说：“不是好一些，只是没有用过。”
;绛旓細1銆Goldfish閲戦奔 Stan: I won 92 goldfish.Fred: Where are you going to keep them?Stan: In the bathroom 銆侳red: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?Stan: Blindfold锛堣挋鐪肩潧锛塼hem!鏂腹锛氭垜璧簡 92 鏉￠噾楸笺傚紬闆峰痉锛氫綘鎯冲湪鍝効鍏诲畠浠紵鏂腹锛氭荡瀹ゃ傚紬闆峰痉锛氫絾鏄綘鎯虫礂婢...
绛旓細绠鐭殑鑻辫绗戣瘽1 These Are My Jeans! After going on a diet,a woman felt really good about herself---especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago. 鈥淟ook,look.鈥 she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband.鈥淚 can wear my old jeans ...
绛旓細1銆丱nce two hunters went hunting in the forest. One of them suddenly fell down by accident. He showed the whites of his eyes and seemed to have ceased breathing. The other hunter soon took out his mobile phone to call the emergency center for help. The operator said calmly:"...
绛旓細绠鐭嫳璇灏绗戣瘽甯︾炕璇戠瘒1 璐㈡斂瀛︾殑涓璇 Smith was the manager of a construction company and was taking bids on a new project. Thefirst bidder was a Polish company, and their representative offered to do the job for $ 400,000. "That seems reasonable," said Smith. "Can you give...
绛旓細1銆鑻辫绗戣瘽锛堜竴锛 鑰佸笀鍦ㄩ粦鏉夸笂鍐欎簡涓鍙ワ細Time is money.骞惰鍚屽浠炕璇戙傛湁鍚嶅鐢熺瓟閬擄細鈥滄堡濮嗘槸鐜涗附銆傗 灏忔槑涓婅嫳鏂囪鏃惰窡鑰佸笀璇达細May I go to the toilet? 鑰佸笀璇达細Go ...
绛旓細绠鍗鏄撴噦鐨鑻辫绗戣瘽濡備笅锛1.Why was the math book sad?Because it had too many problems.涓轰粈涔堟暟瀛︿功寰堜激蹇冨憿锛熷洜涓哄畠鏈夊お澶氶棶棰橈紙棰橈級浜嗐2.Why did the tomato turn red?Because it saw the salad dressing.涓轰粈涔堣タ绾㈡熆鍙樼孩浜嗗憿锛熷洜涓哄畠鐪嬪埌浜嗘矙鎷夐叡銆3.Why did the cookie go to the ...
绛旓細鏈夊叧鐭竴浜涚殑鑻辫灏绗戣瘽甯︾炕璇戠瘒1 i'll see to the rest a guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage."come on, miss!" he shouted. "shut the door,...
绛旓細1銆乀eacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.鑰佸笀锛氳皝鑳藉洖鍒版垜涓嬩竴涓棶棰橈紝璋佸氨鍙互鍥炲浜嗐侽ne boy throws his bag out the window.涓涓皬鐢峰鎶婁功鍖呮墧鍒扮獥澶栥俆eacher: who just threw that?!鑰佸笀锛氳皝鍒氬垰鎶婁功鍖呮墧鍑哄幓浜?Boy: Me! I鈥檓 going home now.鐢峰锛氭垜!鎴戠幇鍦ㄨ...
绛旓細鏈绠鐭鐨鑻辫绗戣瘽绡1 瀚╃殑绋濂!Like most colleges锛宼he food at St. Mary's College of Maryland scores low marks for both quality and variety.One exception is our annual steak-and-shrimp night;but even this cari t escape the critics.鍍忓緢澶氬ぇ瀛︿竴鏍凤紝鐜涗附鍏扮殑鍦·鐜涗附瀛﹂櫌鐨...
绛旓細1)TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow".姹ゅ鐨勫熷彛 鑰佸笀锛氭堡濮嗭紝鎮ㄤ负浠涔堟瘡澶╀笂瀛﹁繜鍒帮紵姹ゅ锛氭垜姣忔璺繃鎷愯锛屼竴涓矾鏍囦笂闈㈠啓鐫锛"瀛︽牎---鎱㈣銆"DID YOUR DAD...2)Tom call Jim'...
