5个英语笑话(中英文),10个英语智力题(含中英文和答案)
\u8c01\u80fd\u5e2e\u6211\u627e\u82f1\u8bed\u8c1a\u8bed20\u6761,5\u4e2a\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd(\u4e2d\u82f1)\u548c10\u6761\u82f1\u8bed\u65e5\u5e38\u7528\u8bed\u82f1\u8bed\u8c1a\u8bed
1.A bad beginning makes a bad ending. \u4e0d\u5584\u59cb\u8005\u4e0d\u5584\u7ec8\u3002
2.A bad thing never dies. \u9057\u81ed\u4e07\u5e74\u3002
3.A bad workman always blames his tools.\u4e0d\u4f1a\u6491\u8239\u602a\u6cb3\u5f2f\u3002
4.A bird in the hand is worth than two in the bush.\u4e00\u9e1f\u5728\u624b\u80dc\u8fc7\u53cc\u9e1f\u5728\u6797\u3002
5.A boaster and a liar are cousins-german.\u5439\u725b\u4e0e\u8bf4\u8c0e\u672c\u662f\u540c\u5b97\u3002
6.A bully is always a coward. \u8272\u5389\u5185\u834f\u3002
7.A burden of one's choice is not felt. \u7231\u6311\u7684\u62c5\u5b50\u4e0d\u5acc\u91cd\u3002
8.A candle lights others and consumes itself. \u8721\u70db\u7167\u4eae\u522b\u4eba\uff0c\u5374\u6bc1\u706d\u4e86\u81ea\u5df1\u3002
9.A cat has 9 lives. \u732b\u6709\u4e5d\u6761\u547d\u3002
10.A cat may look at a king. \u4eba\u4eba\u5e73\u7b49\u3002
11.A close mouth catches no flies. \u75c5\u4ece\u53e3\u5165\u3002
12.A constant guest is never welcome. \u5e38\u5ba2\u4ee4\u4eba\u538c\u3002
13.Actions speak louder than words. \u4e8b\u5b9e\u80dc\u4e8e\u96c4\u8fa9\u3002
14.Adversity leads to prosperity. \u7a77\u5219\u601d\u53d8\u3002
15.Adversity makes a man wise, not rich. \u9006\u5883\u51fa\u4eba\u624d\u3002
16.A fair death honors the whole life. \u6b7b\u5f97\u5176\u6240\uff0c\u6d41\u82b3\u767e\u4e16\u3002
17.A faithful friend is hard to find. \u77e5\u97f3\u96be\u89c5\u3002
18.A fall into a pit, a gain in your wit. \u5403\u4e00\u5811\uff0c\u957f\u4e00\u667a\u3002
19.A fox may grow gray, but never good. \u6c5f\u5c71\u6613\u6539\uff0c\u672c\u6027\u96be\u79fb\u3002
20.A friend in need is a friend indeed. \u60a3\u96be\u89c1\u771f\u60c5\u3002
\u82f1\u8bed\u7b11\u8bdd
1 A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!\u4e00\u4e2a\u5c0f\u7537\u5b69\u95ee\u4ed6\u7684\u7238\u7238\uff0c\u7ed3\u5a5a\u8981\u82b1\u591a\u5c11\u94b1\uff1f\u7238\u7238\u8bf4\uff1a\u6211\u4e0d\u77e5\u9053\uff0c\u56e0\u4e3a\u6211\u4ecd\u7136\u5728\u4ed8\u5e10\u3002
2 A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"
"Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that?"
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"
\u4e00\u4e2a\u4e3b\u65e5\u5b66\u6821\u6821(\u57fa\u7763\u6559\u6559\u4f1a\u4e3a\u4e86\u5411\u513f\u7ae5\u704c\u8f93\u5b97\u6559\u601d\u60f3, \u5728\u661f\u671f\u5929\u5f00\u529e\u7684\u513f\u7ae5\u73ed)\u7684\u8001\u5e08\u5728\u5bf9\u5b66\u751f\u8bb2\u4f7f\u522b\u4eba\u9ad8\u5174\u7684\u91cd\u8981\u6027\u3002\u201c\u73b0\u5728\uff0c\u5b69\u5b50\u4eec\uff0c\u201d\u5979\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u4f60\u4eec\u5f53\u4e2d\u6709\u8c01\u8ba9\u522b\u4eba\u9ad8\u5174\u8fc7\uff1f\u201d
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\u201c\u505a\u5f97\u597d\uff0c\u662f\u8c01\u5462\uff1f\u201d
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\u201c\u662f\u8fd9\u6837\u7684\uff0c\u8001\u5e08\u3002\u6211\u6628\u5929\u53bb\u770b\u5979\uff0c\u5728\u5979\u90a3\u513f\u5446\u4e86\u4e09\u4e2a\u5c0f\u65f6\u3002\u7136\u540e\u6211\u8ddf\u5979\u8bf4\uff1a\u2018\u5976\u5976\uff0c\u6211\u8981\u56de\u5bb6\u4e86\u3002\u2019\u5979\u8bf4\uff1a\u2018\u554a\uff0c\u6211\u5f88\u9ad8\u5174\uff01
3 Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.
The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."
"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"
"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.
"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".
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\u5b69\u5b50\u4eec\u73a9\u4e86\u4e2a\u628a\u5c0f\u65f6\uff0c\u5728\u56db\u70b9\u534a\u7684\u65f6\u5019\uff0c\u59e8\u5988\u9886\u7740\u8fea\u514b\u8d70\u8fdb\u4e86\u53a8\u623f\u3002\u5979\u4ea4\u7ed9\u8fea\u514b\u4e00\u5757\u7cbe\u7f8e\u7684\u86cb\u7cd5\u548c\u4e00\u628a\u5200\u5b50\uff0c\u5e76\u5bf9\u4ed6\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u558f\uff0c\u8fea\u514b\uff0c\u7ed9\u4f60\u5200\u5b50\uff0c\u628a\u8fd9\u5757\u86cb\u7cd5\u4e00\u5207\u4e3a\u4e8c\uff0c\u7ed9\u4f60\u59b9\u59b9\u4e00\u5757\u3002\u4e0d\u8fc7\uff0c\u4f60\u5f97\u8bb0\u4f4f\u8981\u505a\u5f97\u50cf\u4e00\u4e2a\u7ec5\u58eb\u90a3\u6837\u3002\u201d
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\u4ed6\u59e8\u5988\u9a6c\u4e0a\u56de\u7b54\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u7ec5\u58eb\u603b\u662f\u628a\u5927\u7684\u4e00\u5757\u8ba9\u7ed9\u522b\u4eba\u7684\u3002\u201d
\u8fea\u514b\u8bf4\u4e86\u4e00\u58f0\u201c\u5662\u201d\u3002\u4ed6\u5bf9\u6b64\u60f3\u4e86\u4e00\u4f1a\uff0c\u7136\u540e\uff0c\u4ed6\u628a\u86cb\u7cd5\u62ff\u7ed9\u59b9\u59b9\uff0c\u5e76\u5bf9\u5979\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u51ef\u745f\u7433\uff0c\u4f60\u6765\u628a\u8fd9\u5757\u86cb\u7cd5\u4e00\u5207\u4e3a\u4e8c\u5427\u3002\u201d
4 Stan: I won 92 goldfish.
Fred: Where are you going to keep them?
Stan: In the bathroom \u3002
Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?
Stan: Blindfold them!
\u65af\u4e39\uff1a\u6211\u8d62\u4e86 92 \u6761\u91d1\u9c7c\u3002
\u5f17\u96f7\u5fb7\uff1a\u4f60\u60f3\u5728\u54ea\u513f\u517b\u5b83\u4eec\uff1f
\u65af\u4e39\uff1a\u6d74\u5ba4\u3002
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\u65af\u4e39\uff1a\u8499\u4f4f\u5b83\u4eec\u7684\u773c\u775b\uff01
5 George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, \u201ccan Albert come out to play? \u201d
\u201c No,\u201d said the mother, \u201cit's too cold. \u201d
\u201c Well, then, \u201d said George, \u201c can his football come out to play ? \u201d
\u4e54\u51b6\u6572\u7740\u4ed6\u670b\u53cb\u5bb6\u7684\u95e8\u3002\u5f53\u670b\u53cb\u7684\u5988\u5988\u6765\u5e94\u95e8\u65f6\uff0c\u4ed6\u95ee\uff1a\u201c\u963f\u5c14\u4f2f\u7279\u53ef\u4ee5\u51fa\u6765\u73a9\u5417\uff1f \u201d
\u201c \u4e0d\u884c\uff0c \u201d \u90a3\u4f4d\u5988\u5988\u8bf4\uff0c \u201c \u5929\u6c14\u592a\u51b7\u4e86\u3002 \u201d
\u201c \u5662\uff0c\u90a3\u4e48\uff0c \u201d \u4e54\u51b6\uff0c \u201c \u4ed6\u7684\u8db3\u7403\u53ef\u4ee5\u51fa\u6765\u73a9\u5417\uff1f
\u51fa\u56fd\u5fc5\u5907\u82f1\u6587\u65e5\u5e38\u7528\u8bed
\u25b2Potluck Party \u4e00\u79cd\u805a\u9910\u65b9\u5f0f\uff0c\u4e3b\u4eba\u51c6\u5907\u573a\u5730\u548c\u9910\u5177\uff0c\u53c1\u52a0\u7684\u4eba\u5fc5\u987b\u5e26\u4e00\u9053\u83dc\u51c6\u5907\u996e\u6599\uff0c\u6700\u597d\u4e8b\u5148\u95ee\u95ee\u4e3b\u4eba\u7684\u610f\u601d\u3002
\u25b2Pull over!\u628a\u8f66\u5b50\u5f00\u5230\u65c1\u8fb9\u3002
\u25b2Drop me a line!\u5199\u5c01\u4fe1\u7ed9\u6211\u3002
\u25b2Give me a ring. = Call me!\u6765\u4e2a\u7535\u8bdd\u5427\uff01
\u25b2For here or to go\uff1f\u98df\u5802\u6216\u5916\u5356\u3002
\u25b2cool; Thats cool! \u7b49\u4e8e\u56fd\u5185\u5e74\u8f7b\u4eba\u5e38\u7528\u7684\u56d7\u8bed\u201c\u9177\uff01\u201d\uff0c\u8868\u793a\u4e0d\u8d56\u561b\uff01\u7528\u4e8e\u4eba\u6216\u4e8b\u5747\u53ef\u3002
\u25b2Whats up? = Whats happening? = Whats new? \u89c1\u9762\u65f6\u968f\u56d7\u95ee\u5019\u7684\u8bdd\u201c\u6700\u8fd1\u5728\u5fd9\u4ec0\u4e48\uff1f\u6709\u4ec0\u4e48\u65b0\u9c9c\u4e8b\u5417\uff1f\u201d\u4e00\u822c\u7684\u56de\u7b54\u662f\u201cNothing much!\u201d \u6216\u201cNothing new!\u201d
\u25b2Cut it out! = Knock it out!= Stop it! \u5c11\u6765\u8fd9\u4e00\u5957\uff01\u540c\u5b66\u4e4b\u95f4\u5f00\u73a9\u7b11\u7684\u8bdd\u3002
\u25b2Dont give me a hard time! \u522b\u8ddf\u6211\u8fc7\u4e0d\u53bb\u597d\u4e0d\u597d\uff01
\u25b2Get yourself together! \u632f\u4f5c\u70b9\u884c\u4e0d\u884c\uff01
\u25b2Do you have the time? \u73b0\u5728\u51e0\u70b9\u949f\uff1f\u53ef\u522b\u8bef\u4ee5\u4e3a\u4eba\u5bb6\u8981\u7ea6\u4f60\u51fa\u53bb\u3002
\u25b2Hang in there. = Dont give up. = Keep trying. \u518d\u6491\u4e00\u4e0b\u3002
\u25b2Give me a break ! \u4f60\u9976\u4e86\u6211\u5427\uff01\uff08\u5f00\u73a9\u7b11\u7684\u8bdd\uff09
Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
\u4e2d\u95f4\u6218\u672f
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\u53f3\u8fb9\u7684\u96f6\u552e\u5546\u6302\u8d77\u4e86\u5de8\u5927\u7684\u62db\u724c\uff0c\u4e0a\u4e66\uff1a\u201c\u5927\u51cf\u4ef7!\u201d\u201c\u7279\u4fbf\u5b9c!\u201d
\u5de6\u8fb9\u7684\u5546\u5e97\u6302\u51fa\u4e86\u66f4\u5927\u7684\u62db\u724c\uff0c\u58f0\u79f0\uff1a\u201c\u5927\u780d\u4ef7!\u201d\u201c\u5927\u6298\u6263!\u201d
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Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I\u2018m going abroad tomorrow, but I\u2018d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I\u2018ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that\u2018s all right," answered Joan. "I\u2018m his sister."
"I\u2018m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I\u2018m his mother!"
\u5728\u7b2c\u4e8c\u6b21\u4e16\u754c\u5927\u6218\u4e2d\uff0c\u6709\u8bb8\u591a\u5e74\u8f7b\u7684\u5987\u5973\u5728\u519b\u8425\u4e2d\u670d\u5f79\u3002\u743c.\u98de\u5229\u6d66\u65af\u662f\u5176\u4e2d\u4e4b\u4e00\u3002\u5979\u5728\u4e00\u4e2a\u5927\u519b\u8425\u4e2d\u5de5\u4f5c\uff0c\u5f53\u7136\u9047\u5230\u4e86\u8bb8\u591a\u7537\u58eb\uff0c\u5305\u62ec\u519b\u5b98\u548c\u58eb\u5175\u3002
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Two Soldiers
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one\u2018s name was George, and the second one\u2018s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?"
Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him.
Then George said, "Now I haven\u2018t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?"
Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door.
George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped.
"What do you want now?" Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What\u2018s your girl-friend\u2018s address?"
\u519b\u8425\u91cc\u6709\u4e8c\u540d\u58eb\u5175\uff0c\u4e00\u4e2a\u53eb\u4e54\u6cbb\uff0c\u4e00\u4e2a\u53eb\u6bd4\u5c14\u3002\u4e54\u6cbb\u95ee\uff1a\u201c\u6bd4\u5c14\uff0c\u4f60\u6709\u4fe1\u7eb8\u3001\u4fe1\u5c01\u5417\uff1f\u201d
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\u201c\u4f60\u8fd8\u8981\u4ec0\u4e48\uff1f\u201d\u6bd4\u5c14\u95ee\u3002
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Five Months Older
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John\u2018s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy\u2018s family name, so when he saw John\u2018s papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
\u5927\u4e94\u4e2a\u6708
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West Point
My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point."
One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."
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\uff086\uff09Present for Girlfriend
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.
The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it \u2018To my one and only love\u2018. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."
\u9001\u7ed9\u5973\u53cb\u7684\u793c\u7269
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Be Careful What You Wish For
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband\u2018s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I\u2018d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
\u614e\u91cd\u8bb8\u613f
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Wood Fire
One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened."
"Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"
\u68ee\u6797\u4e4b\u706b
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Best Reward
A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.
"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I\u2018d pulled you out, they\u2018d chuck me in."
\u6700\u597d\u7684\u5956\u8d4f
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Napoleon Was Ill
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He\u2018s a good boy," said Jack\u2018s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I\u2018m sure he\u2018ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that\u2018s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn\u2018t know!"
"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack\u2018s father. "You see, I\u2018m afraid we don\u2018t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
\u62ff\u7834\u4ed1\u75c5\u4e86
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\u201c\u5148\u751f\uff0c\u8bf7\u518d\u7ed9\u4ed6\u4e00\u6b21\u673a\u4f1a\u5427\u3002\u201d\u6770\u514b\u7684\u7236\u4eb2\u8bf4\uff1a\u201c\u4f60\u4e0d\u77e5\u9053\uff0c\u6050\u6015\u662f\u56e0\u4e3a\u6211\u4eec\u5bb6\u6ca1\u6709\u8ba2\u62a5\u7eb8\u3002\u6211\u4eec\u5bb6\u7684\u4eba\u8fde\u62ff\u7834\u4ed1\u75c5\u4e86\u90fd\u4e0d\u77e5\u9053\u3002\u201d
He Was Only Wrong by Two
Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren\u2018t always smart enought to be accepted by the college.
One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I\u2018d better ask him a few questions first."
Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn\u2018t know any of the answers.
At last the dean said, "Well, what\u2018s five times seven?"
The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."
The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."
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\u9662\u957f\u644a\u5f00\u53cc\u624b\u5931\u671b\u5730\u770b\u4e86\u770b\u6559\u7ec3\u3002\u53ef\u662f\u6559\u7ec3\u8ba4\u771f\u5730\u8bf4\uff0c\u201c\u5662\uff0c\u5f55\u53d6\u4ed6\u5427\uff0c\u5148\u751f\u3002\u4ed6\u7684\u7b54\u6848\u53ea\u6bd4\u6b63\u786e\u7b54\u6848\u591a\u4e8c\u3002\u201d
Real Play
When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater\u2018s current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."
\u903c\u771f\u7684\u620f\u5267
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A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
\u52bf\u5747\u529b\u654c
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\u8fd9\u4f4d\u5973\u58eb\u5e26\u7740\u9f20\u5939\u56de\u5230\u5bb6\u91cc\uff0c\u4f46\u5979\u6ca1\u6709\u5728\u7897\u6a71\u91cc\u627e\u5230\u5976\u916a\u3002\u5979\u4e0d\u60f3\u518d\u56de\u5230\u5546\u5e97\u91cc\u53bb\uff0c\u56e0\u4e3a\u5df2\u7ecf\u5f88\u665a\u4e86\u3002\u4e8e\u662f\uff0c\u5979\u5c31\u4ece\u4e00\u4efd\u6742\u5fd7\u4e2d\u526a\u4e0b\u4e00\u5e45\u5976\u916a\u7684\u56fe\u7247\u653e\u8fdb\u4e86\u5939\u5b50\u3002
\u4ee4\u4eba\u79f0\u5947\u7684\u662f\uff0c\u8fd9\u753b\u6709\u5976\u916a\u7684\u56fe\u7247\u7adf\u7136\u594f\u6548\u4e86!\u7b2c\u4e8c\u5929\u65e9\u4e0a\uff0c\u8fd9\u4f4d\u5973\u58eb\u4e0b\u697c\u5230\u53a8\u623f\u65f6\uff0c\u53d1\u73b0\u9f20\u5939\u91cc\u5976\u916a\u56fe\u7247\u65c1\u6709\u4e00\u5f20\u753b\u6709\u8001\u9f20\u7684\u56fe\u7247!
Gardening Gloves
For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you\u2018ll notice that my hands are bare."
Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves.
\u56ed\u827a\u624b\u5957
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\u90a3\u5929\u665a\u4e0a\uff0c\u6211\u6ee1\u6000\u70ed\u60c5\u5730\u62c6\u5f00\u4e86\u4e08\u592b\u9001\u7684\u793c\u7269\u3002\u201c\u751f\u65e5\u5feb\u4e50\uff01\u201d\u4ed6\u8bf4\u3002\u6211\u6253\u5f00\u4e00\u770b\uff1a\u91cc\u9762\u5305\u7740\u4e00\u53cc\u56ed\u827a\u624b\u5957\u3002
Warning
Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn\u2018t you?" I teased.
"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"
\u63d0\u9192
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Ground Rules
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don\u2018t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they\u2018re still running."
\u57fa\u672c\u539f\u5219
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2﹑my little dog can't read
: Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But yo u must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Br own: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗 不识字
布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的 小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸 上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小 狗不认识字。”
3﹑I've Just Bitten My Tongue "Are we poisonous?" th e young snake asked his mother. "Yes, dear," she re plied - "Why do you ask?" "Cause I've just bitten m y tongue!
我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗？”一 个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的，亲爱的， ”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？” “因为 我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
4﹑A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when shespotted a cat crouched behind a b ush. She watched the cat, andthe cat watched the mice. Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, w oof!" The catwas so terrified that it ran for it's life. Mother mouseturned to her babies and said, "Now, do you under stand the value of a second language?" 一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她 看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。母老鼠 向着猫叫道："汪，汪，汪"，猫听了非常害 怕，拼命跑走了。母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的 对孩子说："现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。
5﹑TOM'S EXCUSE Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day? Tom: Every time I come to th e corner, a sign says, "School-Go Slow". 汤姆的借口 老师：汤姆，您为什么每天 上学迟到？ 汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路 标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
6﹑ Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolis h!" and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!" 汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋 了!" 吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
绛旓細1锕慚other asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.姣嶄翰闂ス骞村辜鐨勫効瀛愶細瀹濊礉锛屼粖澶╄佸笀鏁欎簡浣犱簺浠涔堬紵鍎垮瓙楠勫偛鍦拌锛氫粈涔堥兘娌℃暀锛屽濡堛傚ス...
绛旓細鑻辫绗戣瘽(浜)Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 缁欐垜閭ｄ釜鎵撹耽鐨勫惂 -- 鏈嶅姟鍛, 杩欎釜榫欒櫨鍙湁涓鍙埅銆 -- 瀵逛笉璧,鍏堢敓,杩欏彧鑲畾鎵撹繃鏋朵簡銆 -- 鍝, 閭ｇ粰鎴戦偅涓墦璧㈢殑鍚...
绛旓細鑻辫绗戣瘽(涓)He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him.-- He is really somebody. What does he do?-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.浠栫湡鏄竴涓ぇ浜虹墿 -- 鎴戝彅鍙斾笅闈㈡湁1000涓汉銆-- 浠栫湡鏄竴涓ぇ浜虹墿銆傚共浠涔堢殑?-- 澧撳湴瀹堝浜恒傝嫳璇瑧璇(浜)Not long after an...
绛旓細37. One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living.涓澶╋紝鏈変竴涓煄甯傞噷鐨勬父瀹㈡潵鍒颁竴涓皬涔℃潙锛屽湪涔￠棿璺笂寮鐫杞︼紝鎯崇湅鐪嬪啘搴勬槸浠涔堟牱瀛愶紝涔熸兂鐪嬬湅鍐滃か鎬庢牱绉...
绛旓細Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.鑰佸笀锛氫綘鎰挎剰瑕佸崐涓煈姗橈紝杩樻槸鍗佸垎涔浜斾釜鏌戞?鏉版媺寰楋細鎴戝畞鍙鍗婁釜銆傝佸笀锛氫粩缁嗘兂鎯筹紝璇村嚭鐞嗙敱鏉ャ傛澃鎷夊緱锛氬洜涓轰綘濡傛灉鎶婃煈姗樺垏鎴愬崄鍒嗕箣浜旓紝閭ｆ煈姗樻眮灏辨崯澶卞お澶氫簡銆傘愮瘒浜屻戠畝鐭鑻辫绗戣瘽甯︾炕璇 One student to ...
绛旓細1 A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!涓涓皬鐢峰闂粬鐨勭埜鐖革紝缁撳瑕佽姳澶氬皯閽憋紵鐖哥埜璇达細鎴戜笉鐭ラ亾锛屽洜涓烘垜浠嶇劧鍦ㄤ粯甯愩2 A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the ...
绛旓細鎴戞槸绗節涓瓧姣(Five) 鑰佸笀:瀹夊,缁欐垜涓互I寮澶寸殑鍙ュ瓙銆 瀹夊: 鈥淚 is 鈥︹ 鑰佸笀: 涓嶅,瀹,浣犲簲璇ヨ鈥淚 am鈥濄 瀹夊:鍝,瀵广傗淚 am the ninth letter of the phabet.鈥(鎴戞槸鑻辨枃瀛楁瘝鐨勭涔濅釜瀛楁瘝銆) What Time Is It(Six) The two boys were camping in the backyard. When they couldn t ...
绛旓細绗竴涓windy,浣嗙浜屼釜鍚垚浜唚ednesday,鎵浠ヤ粬璇翠簡浠婂ぉ鏄痶hursday,绗笁涓嵈鎶妕hursday鍚垚浜唗hirsty,鎵浠ヤ粬璇磞eah! me too , let go and have some tea 杩欎釜绗戣瘽鎸哄ソ绗戠殑.鐢熷瓧搴旇涓嶅.浣犺嚜宸变篃瀛︽煡鏌ュ瓧鍏.(鎴戣涓ぇ鎰忓櫌:涓浣嶄紛鍒╄嫢宸炵敺瀛愮寮 鍐板ぉ闆湴鐨勮姖鍔犲摜鍒颁經缃 閲岃揪宸炲害鍋.浠栫殑濡诲瓙姝ｅ湪...
绛旓細涓夊勾绾鑻辫绗戣瘽灏忕煭鏂囧涔 閿欒鐨勮鍛***涓嫳 Years ago while attending a dinner party hosted by some friends of mine the hostess served a meal with this delicious mushroom sauce. After the meal there was a *** all amount left over and the hostess decided to allow her pregnant ...
绛旓細鈥滃ス鏄釜鍗栫硸鏋滅殑銆傗鑻辫灏绗戣瘽 涓婁釜鏄熸湡浜鎴戠┛浜嗕竴浠 Adidas 鐨勮。鏈嶅幓鎵撶悆, 涓涓佺編鐪嬪埌灏辩瑧鎴戣, "Do you know what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.鎴戞暣澶╅兘鍦ㄦ兂钁 鎬, 缂╁啓姝ｅソ鏄 Adidas) " 鎴戞鎯婅浠栨庝箞鍙嶅簲杩欎箞蹇, 鑱旀兂鍔涜繖涔堜赴瀵屾椂,鏃佽竟鐨 涓涓佺編甯...
